Spider Jerusalem

It's the same vacuum that sucked up the money that we had available for signing the likes of Modric, Johnson and N'Zogbia. It's almost as if there is a money eating poltergoost at St James' or the money was never there in the first place and we've been bullshitted for the past four years... Wooooooooooooo, I'm frightend..... Quick, call Derek Acorah. Actually don't as that charlatan would fit in right with this bunch of fucking shysters.

The simple facts are that we have helped to strengthen one of the sides that we are hoping will be in the bottom three instead of us for absolutely fuck all. Well done.

Like Souness, probably his last job in the game. Nothing more then a mouth-piece that toes the line and would probably take it up the arse live at the press conference for a bit of a weekly bonus.

Smith or Ranger - not that the former will be missed but on transfer desperation day can see him being moved on. So that will be a 19 man squad we'll name on 1st September.

Do you not understand Ashley / Lamblias economics yet? All costs to bring in new players come from the Andy Carroll money, all wages saved from players sold or released disappear down a big black(bore)hole.

Aye, so now that's right winger, left back, striker and a centre half that we realistically need to bring in over the next week. Unless super utility man Ryan Taylor is going to cover all of these positions.

The same thing that happened when they signed proven quality in Champions League winners in January and were surely going for CL qualification - they started playing matches.

Worrying signals from Pardew there. Aye, Taylor scored a cracker yesterday but he's no more than a stop-gap in that position and will get found out as the season goes on and he is still playing there.

With these two in charge though they're still playing this one and setting thier valuations accordingly. http://i54.tinypic.com/291ovax.png Wow! Kevin Keegan for 45K!

Aye, with the tried and tested 'but we worked all through the summer to get our top targets, but it's hard to buy players. Here's the up and coming Ali Bongo that we've got for nowt so BE HAPPY' being spouted on September 1st.

Bravo, Sir. I've always thought that statue looked like a tribute to this guy to be honest... http://i52.tinypic.com/30jtbeq.jpg

Whatever you say. Most of the 'football' that we played yesterday was of the 'one pass, back pass, hump' variety that would have had Allerdyce wanking himself into a frenzy - and that's when we managed to string three passes together. Fine we were playing Arsenal, but probably the worst Arsenal team to play here in a decade and were were incapable of producing a single shot on target using this wonderful new formation that according to Pardew would lead to more possession than we had last year.

..... shit.

That's not really to be disputed, but I've watched a match there today when a player has stamped on another in full view of the referee and gotten away with it. If Barton doesn't fall down then Gervinho will get away with raising his hands, a pattern that has reoccured over several seasons that seems to show it's OK if an offence is against Joey Barton. Also, I can't remember the media being so critical of Pedersen falling to the ground after being struck down by the patented Joey Barton Touch of Death finisher last season. All that we heard repeatedly then was that Barton had 'punched' someone and the media made as much noise as they could until The FA investigated. After the incident tonight it was all that the commentators could talk about, although admittedly it was the highlight of the match.

At the minute I think that we're currently sitting on a squad of about 21 players that we need to register. Barton is still very likely to move on and it wouldn't suprise me if Smith was shunted out on desperation transfer day to some suckers.

I went for 5-10m. Grim Same here and I thought I was being pessimistic at that. Looks unlikely that we'll get to the top end of the range being optimisitc right now.

That's because it's stickied and everyone ignores them....

Taking 'rumoured' transfer fees as it currently stands Bought In - 7.5m total Cabaye - 4.5m Lightbulb-Head - 3m Sold Off - 12m total Nolan - 4m Routledge - 2m Enrique - 6m

Two left backs? I recall once having a player called Enrique in that role and a development player called Shane Ferguson (hardly expensive) that seemed to be a pretty decent prospect at left-wing when he has played for the first team and having a gap there tomorrow. He's right about one thing though. We'll get a result at the weekend, but doesn't every just about fixture, but I can't see it being very positive for us. Not much problem for Pardew though as I can't see anything results based shifting him.

According to that bullshit interview we have a 'back-up plan' for Jose going apparently. James Perch / Ryan Taylor / Steve Taylor / Jonas against The Arse and Mackems is not a fucking back-up plan you fucking goon, it's a recipe for fucking disaster. It becomes more and more apparent with every day that goes by and every interview that Ashley finally has his yes man in place to carry out his plans of a Netto value squad.

Of course it will all be invested - 1 million transfer fees and the remainder going on signing fees, agents fees and five years wages up front. Honest.

1- 5 with 3 of the Arse goals coming from their right wing in the first 15 minutes where Ryan Taylor / James Perch have been put in to plug the gap and subsequently bummed in the face. Lovenkrands with a consolation goal late in the game. I'm not even sure whether I'm ing or giving an honest prediction either, but can't see it being pretty tomorrow.

FYP

So that will be more of the Andy Carroll money going down the Ameobi Borehole on signing fee + agent fees. A damning indictment of this club's managment that only Keegan has seen thorugh this player and tried to ship him out.

Left Back x 2 Striker Right Winger Right Back Center Half New owner New Local Press Another borehole New caterers New Cantonese restraunt in Stowell Street New Tea Lady New Goal Keeper That's about the order of things that we require (and there's probably a few things between new tea lady and 'keeper). Most fucking pointless transfer since Damien Duff strolled through the door if true.