Spider Jerusalem

I'm going the whole hog. It is utter bullshit. The man does not exist. We're fucked and fat Ash is stuck with us and we're stuck with him and he is going to bum the club in the face until there is nothing and nobody left to sell. There we go, sums up the past two years and the next couple of months up nicely.

The top four teams make it because they have qualified. The same as everywhere else. The team that gets furthest in the competition from Germany is mostly Bryan Munich, and they generally get humped somewhere around the quarters. With regards to quality throughout league, every season there is at least one team in our league that gets something from each of the big four when they are not supposed to. Only the Arse have managed to go thorugh a banana-skin free season. Only the cream rises to the top throughout the year. We were once in there, as were Leeds, Blackburn and Forest. This year there are going to be the largest number of teams in this league that are challenging for the top spots.

We've got the fourth highest attendance in England. We're shit. Attendance means nothing.

No, Americant hens.

Fine. Tell me that when it comes to the Champions League quarters and Wolfsberg are still there, then I will admit I was wrong. I must have missed those seasons when The Champions late stages were dominated by German teams, instead of English and Spanish clubs, it's getting that close in terms of quality.

Got to say this is a strange one for me. The German league isn't the greatest in the world and if you're leaving for what will probably be six matches of Champion's League football it makes less sense. Unless he's taking into account his own failings and hoping that playing in a lesser league will make him look better. I'm not saying that the Championship is a great league by the way, but thought he may have tried to hang on a bit for an English, Italian or Spanish move. As far as Martins goes, we probably paid over the odds for him due to the Owen injury. He has the velvety touch of a rapist and can trap a ball further than I can kick it. He has absolutely no instinctive skills to be a striker and for every howitzer strike he scored you probably have four or five six yard sitters that have missed the target by yards. For being as fast as he is, he is one of the most static forwards I have seen, and at times seemed to be marking his defender rather than the other way round. This is actually one case where you cannot even say that we have 'coached' the skill out of him, because in the end he never had it when he came and has not shown indications of improvement. At £9m it would be a good deal, if we knew that the money was going into the club and not to pay Ashley's Gregg's standing order.

It's got to be. Surely. Getting an owner from a country that's regarded as even more evil than Germany - that would go down well with the media who think we're anti-cockerny. They'll have such a wanking frenzy based on this we won't have to switch on the Super Hadron Collider to destroy the world as the whole south of England will turn into a black hole.

Too right - thier actions over the past two years have shown how far away from the support of Newcastle United any way - and this was a day for all of US, not them, to show support and say goodybye and thanks to Sir Bobby.

That's all that they've been waiting for ...... ball's in your court now FatAsh.

That's what I'm planning on doing. Not renewing hasn't got anything to do with being relegated, made my mind up 12midnight on September 1st / 2nd last year after the shambolic transfer dealings. Plus, being on redundancy death row since last July hasn't made it easy to justify paying on another £600 on a shower of bastards that couldn't give a fuck last year.

Marcelino? Could this be the catalyst for a series of good news events culminating in the sale of the club? Probably not knowing us......

If you're going by the official bid it's somewhere around where this link will point you. http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=newcastle+airport&sll=53.800651,-4.064941&sspn=12.344606,39.418945&ie=UTF8&ll=55.040909,-1.710262&spn=0.022131,0.07699&t=h&z=14&iwloc=A

The rebirth of Shola Ameobi, the self procalimed sucessor to Alan Shearer as Newcastle United's Legendary Number 9 has begun!!!

Don't worry about it Slugsy, he does HAVE to sell. His other assest is in the shit at the minute and he needs the cash. He no longer has the liquid assets to allow him to let a company go to the wall (if he ever had them to start off with, which is questionable) and hasn't the capability of running the club, which it looks like he has finally realised. It's all just a matter of time and who blinks first.

Thought it was spelled 'facetious'. Sorry just being anal.

I rubbed your lucky cock after getting back from the Boro game and it all went to shit after that. It was all the cocks fault. Not the fourteen shit-kickers that 'represented' us for the Villa match.

I was taking the piss, for fuck sake! Jesus I wish YOU would think before posting sometimes.

The shit handling of this has been deliberate, to beat us to a pulp, drag us down and leave us so punch-drunk that when fat Fred rides back into town he's lauded as the returning, conquering hero.

So how do we get to Sunderland. Via Aeorplane. Landing at Newcastle Airport. Going through Newcastle via the Metro or Taxi. Via Train. Stopping at Newcastle to change to the local Mackem train. Unless you use the Grand Central service, the less said about that abomination the better. Via Ferry. Getting off at North Shields. Via Coach. Getting off at Gallowgate and using the Metro that you pick up in Newcastle. Can just see the reaction of fans doing this as well as they look up at St James and think, 'well that's not too bad. What do you mean, the stadium's twenty miles away? WTF!!!'. Then how do you get to the stadium, situated in one of the worst areas of the 'city', and that's some accomplishment, that makes getting around Johannesburg look like a walk in the park. If the FA choose Sunderland over Newcastle for this there should be an enquiry into where the backhanders went.

It's not a 'rich man's bet' to ruin the club that Ashley's involved in - It's a Rich Man's Dead Pool. He's got Fawcett, Jackson and Sugden and just needs to get Kinnear. It's the only way he's getting his money back from us. You know when you see a partial thread on the main screen? I clicked on the NUFC forum, seeing the word 'Kinnear' and praying to fuck it was a months old thread. Noooooo!!! http://webplaza.pt.lu/poisti/TWOK_5-16.jpg KAAAAAHHHHNNNNNN!!!!!!

The way things are at the minute do you think there is a 25% chance we'll stay up? We have the same gutless fuckers who took us down last year, and on a day to day basis we have them coming out and saying they want away, one at a time. We have no manager, no owner, no money and most likely by the time that the season starts no first team. We are the team that everyone is going to be looking to turn over in this division, and with the remnants of last years shit-kickers coupled with the reserves and juniors (neither of which have set the world alight), most teams we come up against are most likely to. We have to get the fat bastard out the door as fast as we can, but the fucker is staying put and fucking us over as best he can. This must be a piss take...I can't believe that anyone thinks we're more likely to go down than stay up. Fuck me. I know it isn't impossible, but if you really believe it's that likely stick some fucking money on. You'll get about 20/1 on what should be about 1/2 if you believe there's a 75% chance of going down, that's 40x the value. Guilty as charged - Partially... I do think that we'll struggle next year if nothing gets done to clear up things at the the club quickly, and especially if Kinnear gets anywhere near the squad. We will be in the bottom 25% - picking up points from the dregs of the division and getting picked off by any team with any skill or tactical nous to them. A bit like the last four seasons or so really.

The way things are at the minute do you think there is a 25% chance we'll stay up? We have the same gutless fuckers who took us down last year, and on a day to day basis we have them coming out and saying they want away, one at a time. We have no manager, no owner, no money and most likely by the time that the season starts no first team. We are the team that everyone is going to be looking to turn over in this division, and with the remnants of last years shit-kickers coupled with the reserves and juniors (neither of which have set the world alight), most teams we come up against are most likely to. We have to get the fat bastard out the door as fast as we can, but the fucker is staying put and fucking us over as best he can.

We've been taken over by a bunch of pixies for the price of a magic hatstand and a cake. Well a Pavlova. Does that count as a cake? It think it does. Saruman the White is expected to unveiled as boss tomorrow. As a plus we've arranged a friendly replacement with the Orcs of Eisengard who have promised to behead Nolan and gut Alan Smith on the field of battle / play, guaranteeing the first sell out at St James' in years.

I just think it's incredible that after being told that we we're in safe hands by some quarters on this board and in the media, we have a situation with the squad that's at least ten times worse than it was on 1st September last year, and if all the players had a crisis of conscience and took a pay cut and stayed, you wouldn't bet 10p on them to keep us in this division.

Surely Shola should be given the number 9, it's what he was born for. And as djmatiss said, it's cursed so it'll suit that fucker to the ground.