Ritchie

We're getting more of the ball now.

Come on, lads.

Anybody seen Ben Arfa?

Rawr rawr Toure.

Aye Lovenkrands, get your tracksuit back on!

Coming on Demba, get up.

We've got ourselves a throw-in, yay.

Why am I listening to horse racing?

COME ON!

Trust Neil to not have Van Persie in his team.

Get out!

MCFC: Hart; Richards, Lescott, Kompany, Clichy; Milner, De Jong, Y.Toure, Nasri; Aguero, Balotelli. Subs: Pantilimon, K.Toure, Kolarov, Barry, Johnson, Silva, Dzeko.

Silva's not starting, apparently.

I think that's the best team we could've gone for.

1-2. Guess who?

Gervinho, man. If there's ever a player I'm relieved we never signed, it's him.

What the flying fuck was Gervinho doing?

1-1. Guess who?

Jeff also rightly reminded everyone we're currently getting no money for it.

Well, Danny Simpson is still calling it St. James' Park.

Christ, he's still on ffs.

What the fuck is this sad sack doing on?

I hope we give them a good game and don't get thrashed.

That's it, we're doomed.

Surely he'll run out of face paint soon.