newsted

He wants to be a coach? Holy hell. "If you see a guy in the penalty area, just roll your eyes back and clean the fucker out! Oh, and if you have a simple clearance to make, just think of pussy and take a wild swipe. I have based my long and illustrious career on those principles."

I was literally kidnapped to go there for the only time in my life. Seriously, no evolution is likely.

Some wannabe comedian called Matt Forde, it says here. The lesson is don't listen to Talkshite I guess. I'd rather wear a beard made of bees. And I don't like beards or bees.

So 8 wasn't that bad then?

Some of the answers must be wrong

Obstruction (or technically impeding) means that there is no foul because there is not physical contact. The lack of physical contact makes this a technical infringement which is an IFK. Had there been physical contact then it would have been a DFK and that in that location it would have been a penalty. I must be missing something. How can you be obstructed if there is no physical contact? If I'm going somewhere and you want to stop me, you're going to have to do it physically. I'm assuming of course that you would not stoop so low as to threaten to sully my reputation, thereby causing me to lose control of the ball, for that would be frowned upon even in the colonies, egad. It means moving into the path of the opponent to force them to slow down or change direction to get around you. Players are entitled to their own position on the field, but they cannot move into the path of the opponent with the sole intent of blocking their path (implied here is that the ball is not within playing distance) But the key difference between the referee giving a DFK or an IFK is whether there is contact (a foul). Oh. I'd probably just try to run through them tbh

What have we done to Pearce? He really doesn't like us.

Now, has anyone actually seen the tackle? Not sure if I can post the link here but here it is anyway. http://i.imgflip.com/1g0zv.gif I know, the lying old git. And he played on for six more years too, it didn't end his career. He probably thought no-one would check.

Obstruction (or technically impeding) means that there is no foul because there is not physical contact. The lack of physical contact makes this a technical infringement which is an IFK. Had there been physical contact then it would have been a DFK and that in that location it would have been a penalty. I must be missing something. How can you be obstructed if there is no physical contact? If I'm going somewhere and you want to stop me, you're going to have to do it physically. I'm assuming of course that you would not stoop so low as to threaten to sully my reputation, thereby causing me to lose control of the ball, for that would be frowned upon even in the colonies, egad.

Wtf? Seriously, did ITV just use Stevenage v Newcastle 1998 as part of their title sequence? We beat them that time, didn't we? I guess history has officially been rewritten. Oh ffs Dave Whelan is the studio guest. FML.

Holy hell, had forgotten their best player misses the last game because he's on loan. Hope it makes a difference.

I know! Some kid can draw a picture. Disappointed in him now. I remember ITV doing that as their proof all those years ago when we beat Stevenage. That our goal didn't count, obviously, never in our favour.

Sigh. Pundits with their "late flag" bollocks. Bradley brother-of-Clive Allen particularly doing my head in with this today. Bradley, they're not active until they go for the ball, you thick cunt. I pity Tottenham's u-14s if their coach doesn't know anything about football. And, come to think of it, wtf is he doing commentating on a Premier League game if he doesn't know anything about football? Yeah, I know, the same goes for every other commentator and pundit too, but I want an answer. I'm gonna email Sky and ask them. brb.

Ask Volgograd. It doesn't have to be a castle, btw.

TV "pundits" saying they would pay to watch a team or player. I don't think it occurs to them that WE DO THAT EVERY TIME. It's the unconscious rubbing our noses in it that gets me, they're really saying "I watch as many football matches of my choice as I want to, for free, but that is as it should be " FFS.

Aye, human mouths are filthy. I don't let them near me.

They invented the thing, they make the rules. It only exists in their heads and they always win it, except for the seasons it is abandoned and the holder keeps it. Pretty straightforward.

All three offside I think, not that it makes a difference to them winning it, but I'd be pissed off if I was Villa. The officials shouldn't get a pass on that because of the circumstances. It'll all be glory, glory in the media, but it ain't right. Still, it's Villa We owe them one.

They think he's daft enough to sign for them permanently. Honestly, they think that.

Feel like a twat quoting myself, like, but it's only to say that MoTD took the right track and said Perchinho won the ball. I'm pretty flabbergasted tbh, was expecting the usual injustice. Not sure where to put my self-righteous anger now I'll save it for Kammy and his little arse-monkey tomorrow when they have to go along with T. Francis's clueless commentary I suppose. Failing which I'll either calm down or self-detonate. We'll see.

Trevor Francis. I kept thinking of the athletics commentator (Colin Jackson? ) who couldn't handle an actual double-barrelled one with Mark Lewis-Francis and kept referring to him matily as "Mark-Lewis". Like it was Karl-Heinz or something. I'd like to think I'd make some kind of effort if I were doing it. Mind, Mr Lukaku got Lakuku quite a lot so I reckon he's just an ignorant lazy prick tbh. Francis, not Lukaku. Trevor, not Mark-Lewis

That's a relief, I thought it was just me wearing stripey specs again. Trevor Stupid Francis and his sidekick were banging on about it being a definite penalty for about an hour afterwards and I was starting to wonder if I was losing my mind as I saw him win the ball. Still, the rest of the nation will think we were lucky again and reinforcing that fallacy's the main thing. Guarantee it will make the highlights reels and be debated, with the decision being we were lucky again. Because we're always being lucky, that's our thing, we're known for being lucky.

"LONDON -- A fan punches a police horse as the streets of Newcastle are turned into a battleground." - Little old Noocastle, London? "Newcastle was also forced to condemn its own fans on Monday." - Would like to know where the force came from... And, as an afterthought, "in Brazil, two Ceara fans were shot in the head after being confronted by supporters of local rival Fortaleza." - Priorities in order, then. Down with England, but those zany Latins... Obviously shit journalism is worldwide, but sad that we're anywhere in that picture. Fwiw the boss in my city centre bar said there was nothing kicking off there, just a few idiots acting out up the street as they would do any other time the opportunity presents itself. Like every Friday and Saturday night. Still, stories have to be spun and submitted, unfortunately. I couldn't live with myself if I was a professional liar, like. Sigh.

Guess it takes a little while longer for some people to level out...

So pleased you guys are always there to make us feel better. Way to rally the troops.