Dr Colossus

His goal against Bolton's been nominated for the FIFA Puskas Award.

£25 each to move to another seat in your section/price range. At least that's what they told me when I asked. Would happily pay that, just to get rid of that prick. Three years down the line can't handle it anymore. You'll probably end up next to him

Open chuckling from the commentators

Saved it, get in.

Pen for Real. Or free kick in the D. Can't understand a bleedin' word of the commentary. EDIT: Pen

One of my football pet hates, that, even having no particular affinity for either team. The constant misspelling of 'El Clasico' as "Classico" too. A Classico is a Cornetto, ffs.

Could probably fit other players into it too. Useful.

Like V.I. said, Barca needed to stretch Celtic wide to make spaces to pass through for runners in, but Celtic were happy to give Barca the space out wide and pack the middle, knowing that Barca weren't going to cross from wide where Celtic would've been able to deal with it. Celtic held tight when Barca had the ball in front of them on the edge of their box, the one time Barca were able to get through was the late pressure at the end when Celtic were tiring which resulted in the goal. Also how many fucking 20-year-olds are called Roy.

What a man about town

That said, in some situations a save with the feet can be a clearance too, which is obviously preferable to parrying the ball into the path of a striker to roll into your net.

That "can't do it without Xavi & Iniesta" thing. I read the other week that before a game then when it happened, Xavi hadn't assisted a goal for Messi in about 2 and a half years.

I like how Geremi got one vote for this once, and Scholes has never had any.

The Mirror's Premier League top-scorers list, which includes goals from all competitions. The title of it is "Top Scorers: Prem" and it has Van Persie top with 9, and Suarez second with 8. A quick check of Wikipedia has RVP and Demba joint top with 7 each.

Yeah, he put it in his boot

Portsmouth away when he gave himself a hernia two seconds before?

Probably referring to the fact he's only staying at Chelsea for the money. wat Maybe he said that referreeing a Man U win was getting the monkey off his back?

His hands were ridiculously wrinkly and bony, no way he was under 30. Ridiculous pace for a septuagenarian, mind.

Would love if this turned round to massively bite Chelsea on the arse.

28 or 34, Obafemi Martins. 34? Can't believe Martins has played in 5 different countries as well. Bit of a journeyman now (mostly because he don't give a monkeys about anybody)

Why did my head just say "Spanish twat" in the most overexaggerated mockney accent ever?

Seemed as if the ball was never going to stop rolling but never reach the goal If he hadn't stumbled he'd have easily cleared it too.

Whole thing is so random, can't believe he would do it but then find it just as strange to go to the trouble of making it up when there is no tangible benefit other than revenge. Exactly, just say how shit he was, don't make something like this up, it just makes them look stupid. Racism being so du jour is weird.

I did enjoy that. It's pretty twattish in intent but the actual action of it was slapstick as hell. EDIT: "Sterling needs to be careful here, that is late and ugly." Probably just like one of his bairns tbf

"That's a dive you Paella-eatin', Flamenco-dancin', Middle-of-the-day-sleepin'..." Give me a break

I think this'll follow him in the future (his ridiculous officiating today, not the racism accusations) but not ruin his career. Totally sick of the way football's going on lately. From handshakes to t-shirts, everything just seems to be a story to talk about, it's not about the actual football anymore. This tweet from Phillipe Auclair sums it up: