Happinesstan

What has Slimani done in this league to show he’d do any better than what we’ve got in Mitro? Especially when he would undoubtedly be more expensive. Selling Mitro to WBA or Brighton or any other club in a relegation battle, at any price other than somethinf extraordinary, would be f***ing tragic. If we had to sell Mitro to buy Slimani I'd take that chance. You can't sit on your hands and hope for the best. Pretty sure Ashley will pull the plug on it anyway so probably a moot point. Ashley would pull the plug in between the two deals. Once Mitrovic is sold He'll decide Slimani isn't actually worth it. But yeah. If it's a choice between a new striker who might do something and an old striker who won't get his boots dirty, it's a no-brainer.

True, I mean, Murphy’s only a year older than Kenedy after all. Well then we have Murphy to rotate for Kenedy. Smart-arse.

Knowing our luck we'll sign a quality striker who likes nothing more than playing on the big stage. He'll walk out to the roaring passion of 50,000 geordies. His first pass will be so sublime as to take everyone's breath away, leaving St. James in momentary silence which freaks him out and he's never the same player again.

Nah, you just missed the market changing. The market where, for example, other English players such as Andre Gray (£18.5m), Oxlade Chamberlain (£35m), Danny Drinkwater (£34m), Jordan Pickford (£25m), Michael Keane (£35m), Kyle Walker (£50m), John Stones (£50m) aren't worth what they're bought for either. Shelvey didn't become a £20m player, a £20m player became Shelvey. Either way he's certainly not a £12m player. £12m for even a relatively established English player now gets you someone like Sam Clucas, Will Hughes, or if you're lucky Jack Cork. All overpriced, but each a better player in what they do and their role for their respective club’s than Shelvey. 12m though is a p*ss take given we probably paid that for him, no? Andre Gray isn't like, arguably Michael Keane as well. Put it this way, Jay Rodriguez was £12m, and yes he's a striker and it's slightly different, but those players above are on the new scale. Shelvey on that scale as anything less than a £16m player is outrageous imo. To my shame I always assumed Jay Rodriguez would be South American. Oh little old vile racist me.

When does a transfer story involving us ever happen?

I was dubious about this since we seem to have a surplus of wingers but it seems like a very sensible signing, very much representative of Rafa's philosophy. He'll most likely replace Murphy for the most part which, given his current form seems crazy. But I'm certain Rafa understands that Murphy is still young, still developing and therefore shouldn't be squeezed for every last drop of goodness, just yet.

Torres??

He'll massively increase Joselu's missed chances.

Our tactics today were to win the ball back in our own half, and counter-attack, but Swansea screwed it up by constantly giving us the ball in their own half.

Should be ahead. But we could easily be a goal and a man down, so it's all porno.

This is exactly what will happen and we can all see it a mile off. So frustrating when we can't do anything about it. At this rate, we're going to get relegated and all the hard work done by Rafa/players in the Championship has been for nothing. That's not being dramatic, it's just very realistic. I wouldn't be so sure, at this current rate we would stay up given our points tally/form. Another couple of wins and we would all start feeling very confident of staying up. I don't think we're getting relegated this year personally, new signings or not. If we however start flogging key players like Shelvey, that's when I'd start to question our chances a bit more. At the current rate we are just safe, in fact if we hadn't scored that goal against Stoke we would currently be in the bottom 3.

If and when Rafa goes, he will take a large selection of the match going fans with him. Surely Ashley knows this? Ashley doesn't care. If he could he'd get rid of Rafa and the Fans at the same time. No doubt about it. He's already thinking about a giant sports direct sign to replace the east stand seating.

Away to Rochdale.

No, no, that's not my point. I'm talking about Rafa's 5 mil, 10mil, 20mil striker theory. No such thing as a 15Mil striker. Rafa either sees him as a 20mil striker and is selling him cheap, or he's a 10mill striker and is getting a good price.

I doubt that Ashley is pitching the club as "A Premier League side that possibly might go down this season". So improving our chances of survival shouldn't change his asking price at all. Good point. But once this financial year ends he'll likely have an extra £100million on the books.

So, if our premiership status is confirmed. AS will value the club at higher than she does currently. Let's hope Ashley doesn't do the same.

Don't enjoy being a spelling Nazi, but ffs if you can't spell OTT.

Minute in and Shelvey trying to score from a corner, fuck off. Also Perez's pass that led to the corner was the sort of pass that we never try enough.

£2000 for a fecking crème egg. That says it all.

Teenagers shouldn't have kids to be honest, and it should never be used as an excuse.

Maybe he was simply addressing his own homophobic preconceptions. " If I had 2 gay sons I'd question my archaic views on homosexuality".

Mickey Quinn shouldn't even be driving if he's drunk, never mind overtaking.

Eh! Are you saying that thinking he should have been rested, to avoid an unpredictable injury, is forgetting that unpredictable injuries happen in football?

Doug Stanhope mentions it in one of his rarer vids. Can't believe we have signs in the toilets asking us not to assault ambulance drivers.