MagPar

We've got a great wee stadium that if full can fit in about 12500. Our pitch at the moment is a bloody muddy disgrace. It's pretty embarrassing and non conductive to playing a quick passing game so it get the ball,punt it upfront and hope for the best lol

In his defence, he's playing in a crap team. Imagine all the chances he'd get from front men. We could get 10 - 15 goals from him*. *or it could go spectacularly wrong.

We're more indigo mixed with purple

Potentially great impact sub that would cost nothing. The divorce gag is over my head.

It's meant too,it's a play on words but with a truth to it.

Leicester are going down,that's pretty much set in cement. How about a year long contract for Jamie Vardy? He's 38 but still capable. He'd be 3rd or 4th in the pecking order if we can pick up another quality striker as back up to Isak. Maybe a swap for Wilson who is getting really slow wheras Vardy is still pretty pacy.

City won't be relegated, one of their many lawyers will find some loophole or other. I've got two teams to worry about,I'm Scottish with English blood in me so I really love Newcastle, but I also really love Dunfermline who are in a totally different predicament. We're currently in the championship relegation play-off position, the team 3 points below us have over the past 6 weeks found some amazing form closing a ten point gap and we can't buy a goal for love nor money. We had 7500 fans at home on Saturday which was more than 4 spl crowds but we lost to the team 1 point below us. If we had won we'd now be 4 points ahead of that ugly playoff but now we could very easily finish bottom which is obviously instant relegation. It's still in our hands though,barely. There is a slight chance the team that beat us (Hamilton Academical) could be deducted 6 points but I'm not counting my chickens. 7500 might seem laughable to English teams but it's a huge amount for a Scottish Championship team. Our best striker is like Mr Glass from the Unbreakable Trilogy. To top it off,our most hated rivals who got promoted last season from league 2 are a few points away from back to back promotions. I'm trying my best to not think about Newcastle/Dunfermline until ten minutes before kick off. It's more stressful thinking about Dunfermline though as we should be in the SPL, not scrapping away at the bottom of the Championship trying to avoid the drop. Mone the Pars Mone the Toon Ps Thanks dad for bringing me up to be a Pars supporter.

Guns, knives, tools (hammer,wrench etc), baseball bat, rolling pin, meat fork, rock/brick, fists, poisonous snake, scissors, loads of other things, phone.

If you want to shoot me,please make it a clean head shot but maybe qualifying for the conference league is the best thing for us. Going by this year's teams we'd probably be favourites to win it. A nice European trophy the year after winning the League cup, then we can think about the Champions League. We could really struggle in next seasons Champions League with our lightweight squad. Wheras we'd waltz into the deeper stages of the Conference League as long as Howe takes it seriously.

Some footballers are decent musicians.

I keep thinking that Forest will drop out of the race but they just keep on going so it's probably going to go down to the wire.

It's ruined my day him saying it was a cross. Like the other poster said,it's like finding out santa aint real or your parents are c*nts.

Scottish referees love to give the old firm at least 1 penalty per game. Most are all very soft penalties but the crowd go mental and the referees poop their pants. PENALTY!

I think the price has to be agreed by both teams if it's the same as it is in Scotland due to the money being shared equally. So a tenner a ticket is a definite no go.

Sent off (straight red) 15 minutes after coming on as a sub. Ps I've just realised the quote doesn't include the name Victor Wanyama.

Its only for 7 games (8 if we end up in the relegation play-off final) but still a huge deal for a team of our size (I'm Scottish and they're my Scottish team). Don't even know if he's fit. We've had a dreadful season and the players look to have downed tools as a lot of them are out of contract at the end of the season (you'd think they'd want to play out of their skins to either win a new contract or put themselves in the shop window). It baffles me how stupid some players are, they're only gonna end up at an even lower league club or without a club at all. Avoiding relegation is still technically in our own hands though and my hope is that Neil Lennon and Wanyama will instill some much needed confidence into our relatively young squad, and give a kick up the arse to the lazy f*ckers that clearly aren't trying very hard. Our new owners clearly ain't messing about. Mone the Pars. Mone the Toon Ps fun fact, we almost signed Maradona jr many years ago, the deal fell through due to him wanting to keep his image rights. He was shite anyway, but he would have raised our profile. Our new owners also have a small stake in second tier Spanish side Cordoba who have one of Zinedine Zidane's kids playing for them. I'm hoping we get him on loan at some point just for the cool factor (and he'd sell shirts).

Isn't he out of contract at the end of the season? Hence,no money.

No Oaspiss tunes please. I can't stand them. Odious band with a twat for a lead singer. I'm sure we could do something with Smells like teen spirit. We are the toon, magpies if you will Our opponents come here to get killed We like to laugh, at the mackees With Eddie Howe, he'll win us the league The toon,the toon,the toon, the too-oon (Repeat above) With Isak on We score goals yeah Then there's Bruno A magician Big Dan defends All the corners And Tonali Barnstormer Yeah Yeah

I hope you're right, I want Eck at St James's for many years to come, banging the goals in for us and nobody else. I think it will obviously depend on whether or not we take one of those Champions league places. Conference league/Europe league ain't gonna cut it when it comes to persuading him to stay.

Fuck the Bairns, scummiest fans ever. Lennon has a decent track record as a manager, that was with high spending clubs like celtic and hibs though. He did win a cup with an obscure foreign team though. He's a big deal for a club such as ours though. As long as he keeps us up then I'll be happy.

According to a rag in Spain, Isak would be open to a move to Barcelona but would prefer Liverpool. Hopefully that's just bullpoop.

My Scottish team dunfermline have just given Neil Lennon the managers job until the end of the season. If he keep us up he signs a 3 year deal and gets a juicy bonus. If we go down, we part ways with him. We're currently in 9th place out of 10 with 7 games to go(Scottish Championship), 10th is automatic relegation, we're 6 points ahead of 10th with a game in hand and a vastly superior goal difference. 9th place goes into a relegation/promotion playoff with the winner of the 1st division playoff winners. We're 2 points behind 8th with a game in hand and a vastly superior goal difference. We've also got both teams to play again so it's in our own hands. Lennon is our 3rd manager this season, the other two were hopeless, we've also been bought (2 months ago) by an American consortium and so far they've splashed the cash, getting us new players in (mostly loans but we've paid for a couple),we also spent money removing 1st manager, spent money on the second as well as spending to get rid of him 11 games later. It's not big bucks compared to Newcastle but it's a small fortune to Dunfermline. For the record, Dunfermline are arguably the biggest team in the Scottish championship due to our much larger support than many SPL teams, we've just had a bad 10-20 years where we've underwent administration and nearly went out of business due to older owners overspending, leaving us in the shit and seeing us relegated to the lowest league (at the same time as Rangers). Thankfully the fans came together to keep us alive. Here's hoping he installs confidence back into the players and helps to keep us up before building a squad capable of getting us back to where we belong, the SPL I'm aware this story will have no interest to 99.6% of the forum but it might interest someone. On top of that, we play in black and white, just like Newcastle, hence my love and support for Newcastle as my English team. Come on yee Pars. Come on the tooooooon.

I see that Bournemouth are currently favourites to sign Liverpools Irish goalie who's name I can't spell. He's brilliant though and we should be trying to sign him.