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Do you appreciate a good sh*t?


Decky
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Do you?  

370 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you?

    • Yes
    • No
    • Urgh


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Been off my game lately.  Although I no longer squeeze one off the same time of day, everyday, when I do have to go I'm on the can for a minute tops, one wipe (no smelling) and I'm on my way.  Last three weeks I've been kind of constipated.  Feel like I have to go and either strain for a turtle head or a couple of pellets.  Rather unnerving to say the least.

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  • 7 months later...
  • 2 months later...

Just had a real battle this morning and it got me thinking: worst shitting experiences ever? I have 2 equal candidates. 

Amsterdam, 2004, when Euros were on. Stoned as fuck in the Bulldog. Absolutely had to go but the toilet wasn't very private. A bit of wood covering the middle, but plenty of Space at bottom and top. It was a horrendous 40 minute battle. Absolutely stinking the place out, and negging the customers out. Didn't help that my friends kept coming to peek over the top and lambast me. Grim.

Hua Hin, Thailand 2019. Really grimy bar. Possibly a brothel. Had been there for 10 days at that point (Thailand not the bar/possible brothel) and my tummy was distressed. Playing pool and within 20 seconds, I had to go to the bog or would have shit myself. Tiny, disgusting toilet. No bog roll cos its Thailand, had to try and wash my arse but it was extremely difficult. Again stinking the place out, battling away for what felt like an eternity. The banging on the door and the cries of "Come on Samp, hurry up, we are off to the next bar" didn't help with the task at hand. A real pressure situation. Again, grim.

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Summer of 92, I was 14. Went to stay with my cousins who were late teens and the coolest kids I knew, they were ravers and had class tales about the massive outdoor events.

We decided to go to the pub with their raver pals, I was buzzing, strutted out in my Joe Bloggs jeans and McKenzie sweatshirt thinking I was ace. On the walk to the boozer a turtles head appeared, I couldn't hold it in so ended up shitting myself. I waddled the rest of the way there in panicked silence, shite smearing across my arse with every step.

We get to the boozer, I go straight to the bog to clean up but it was impossible. I was in there 20 mins, it felt like a lifetime. Admitted defeat, flushed my shitty kegs down the bog, sheepishly went over to my cousins and said "I'm going back to yours now, cheers for inviting me". Then I shuffled out the pub, the smell of fresh shite wafting behind me.

One of the lowest points in my life.

 

 

Edited by bobbydazzla

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57 minutes ago, bobbydazzla said:

Summer of 92, I was 14. Went to stay with my cousins who were late teens and the coolest kids I knew, they were ravers and had class tales about the massive outdoor events.

We decided to go to the pub with their raver pals, I was buzzing, strutted out in my Joe Bloggs jeans and McKenzie sweatshirt thinking I was ace. On the walk to the boozer a turtles head appeared, I couldn't hold it in so ended up shitting myself. I waddled the rest of the way there in panicked silence, shite smearing across my arse with every step.

We get to the boozer, I go straight to the bog to clean up but it was impossible. I was in there 20 mins, it felt like a lifetime. Admitted defeat, flushed my shitty kegs down the bog, sheepishly went over to my cousins and said "I'm going back to yours now, cheers for inviting me". Then I shuffled out the pub, the smell of fresh shite wafting behind me.

One of the lowest points in my life.

Haha amazing

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2 hours ago, Decky said:

I still remember the weird pm I got from Mike in 2008 thanking me for making this thread. 

Motherfucker what? 2008 me was super weird so I'm not gonna be like nah but what?!

 

Bidet installed. Facking ell lads. My entire life before today has been a lie. Tested it out and just started singing Kiss from a Rose. Lovely.

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genuinely feel like my health measurably improved after the last one I took. Sometimes feels like I'm storing up literal radioactive waste that's poisoning the rest of my body until I get rid of it. No taco bell jokes pls.

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I'd absolutely love to install a full-on Japanese toilet at home, they were genuinely one of the best experiences of my trip there. 

Heated cushioned seats, privacy music, sprays that hit every spot to deliver the perfect blend of cleanliness and borderline arousal. Perfect. 

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1 hour ago, Mike said:

Motherfucker what? 2008 me was super weird so I'm not gonna be like nah but what?!

 

Bidet installed. Facking ell lads. My entire life before today has been a lie. Tested it out and just started singing Kiss from a Rose. Lovely.

:lol:

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37 minutes ago, Troll said:

You can get one that attaches to your toilet and takes about 10 minutes to install for like £30 .  Life changing.

Aye. Got one with both hot and cold intakes. Unreal.

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11 hours ago, bobbydazzla said:

On the walk to the boozer a turtles head appeared, I couldn't hold it in so ended up shitting myself.

[emoji38] I love the negligible attempt to avoid shitting yourself. "Hmmm think I need a shit, oh well will just have to shit immediately".

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