Jump to content

Tip Top Tips


Guest lankybellwipe
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest lankybellwipe

For fear of breaching copyright, I have named this thread as above!

 

Why not lets have our own funny advice section?  Here we go.

 

Recreate that authentic "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" atmosphere in the comfort of your own home, by constantly shouting "Know what I'm saying" whilst doing that trotting dance on the spot, and calling your lass "G"

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ever feel like soaps are always more interesting than real life? Why not arrange at least one murder in your street every few months?

 

Also get any friend who has taken anything stronger than ibuprofen hooked on heroin because as the soaps tell us this is always the way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ever feel like soaps are always more interesting than real life? Why not arrange at least one murder in your street every few months?

 

Also get any friend who has taken anything stronger than ibuprofen hooked on heroin because as the soaps tell us this is always the way.

 

:lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ever feel like soaps are always more interesting than real life? Why not arrange at least one murder in your street every few months?

 

Also get any friend who has taken anything stronger than ibuprofen hooked on heroin because as the soaps tell us this is always the way.

 

Neighbours was always the best for that, when Karl Kennedy had a glass of wine with his lunch two days running it made him an alcoholic. :lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ever feel like soaps are always more interesting than real life? Why not arrange at least one murder in your street every few months?

 

Also get any friend who has taken anything stronger than ibuprofen hooked on heroin because as the soaps tell us this is always the way.

 

Neighbours was always the best for that, when Karl Kennedy had a glass of wine with his lunch two days running it made him an alcoholic. :lol:

 

I remember that like. :lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Good old Viz:

 

"Give spiders the nailbiting experience of a real-life Indiana Jones adventure by tipping them down a cardboard tube whilst slowly closing the lower end with a playing card. For added excitement roll a Ferrero Rocher down the tube and have a friend insert cocktail sticks at regular intervals."

Link to post
Share on other sites

A few old favourites

 

"Are you gullible? Send £20 for probing questionnaire"

 

"Dieting? Why not try the Stella plan - Lose 48 hours in only 2 days"

 

A Viz classic was the cartoon of two blokes standing on a station platform, under the title 'The Great Train Robbery'. One of them is  saying "well it was here a minute ago.... ??? "

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest lankybellwipe

The next time your young child decides to tug and heave at the safety gate at the bottom of the stairs, promptly inform him/her that

 

"You'd better get used to them bars kidda!"

 

This will ensure seconds of hysterical laughter for you........  and you only  O0

 

This can be repeated again and again for the same effect, should your contribution to society be worth a pinch of salt  O0

Link to post
Share on other sites

Some more Viz classics from one one of the old annuals I've been reading lately:

 

'A cigarette butt placed beneath a band aid makes a cheap nicotine patch'

 

'Supermarkets - save money on printing by labelling your 'economy' goods 's***' instead'

 

'Don't waste money buying lo-salt.  Normal salt is the same height and twice as tasty'

 

'Sex offenders with a taste for elderly ladies, lure your victims into your car with the promise of medicine and slippers'

 

'Drivers - avoid being nicked by the new average speed cameras by doing 90mph for 2 minutes then stopping for a spliff'

 

'Taxi drivers - remove the bulbs from your indicators in case you momentarily forget what you do for a living and inadvertently signal'

 

'Convince your wife she's followed through during the evening by slipping a chocolate button between the cheeks of her arse as she sleeps'

 

Can't beat the Viz man  O0

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...