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Bum deal for Vicar


Guest Stephen927
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Guest Stephen927
A VICAR turned up in agony at a hospital — with a potato stuck in his bottom.

 

The clergyman told stunned casualty nurses he fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains.

 

He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap.

 

The embarrassed reverend, in his 50s, had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the offending vegetable.

 

The spud was yesterday revealed to be among a litany of objects medics in Sheffield have removed from people’s nether regions.

 

Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll — and a carnation.

 

Like most of the other patients, the red-faced vicar insisted to staff at the city’s Northern General Hospital that his predicament was NOT the result of a sex game gone wrong.

 

A & E nurse Trudi Watson said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

 

“But it’s not for me to question his story.

 

“He had to undergo surgery to have it removed.”

 

She admitted some sex-related emergencies had made staff chuckle. But she urged anyone contemplating sticking something where the sun doesn’t shine to think again.

 

Ms Watson said: “My advice? Don’t do it.

 

“It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening.

 

“Surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring, and it could possibly end up with the person having to use a colostomy bag as a result.”

 

Health staff across Sheffield, Barnsley, Rotherham and Doncaster say they are no longer surprised at the things people use to spice up fun in the bedroom.

 

A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: “Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents.

 

“But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way.”

 

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1876886.ece

 

:laugh:

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A VICAR turned up in agony at a hospital — with a potato stuck in his bottom.

 

The clergyman told stunned casualty nurses he fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains.

 

He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap.

 

The embarrassed reverend, in his 50s, had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the offending vegetable.

 

The spud was yesterday revealed to be among a litany of objects medics in Sheffield have removed from people’s nether regions.

 

Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll — and a carnation.

 

Like most of the other patients, the red-faced vicar insisted to staff at the city’s Northern General Hospital that his predicament was NOT the result of a sex game gone wrong.

 

A & E nurse Trudi Watson said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

 

“But it’s not for me to question his story.

 

“He had to undergo surgery to have it removed.”

 

She admitted some sex-related emergencies had made staff chuckle. But she urged anyone contemplating sticking something where the sun doesn’t shine to think again.

 

Ms Watson said: “My advice? Don’t do it.

 

“It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening.

 

“Surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring, and it could possibly end up with the person having to use a colostomy bag as a result.”

 

Health staff across Sheffield, Barnsley, Rotherham and Doncaster say they are no longer surprised at the things people use to spice up fun in the bedroom.

 

A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: “Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents.

 

But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way.”

 

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1876886.ece

 

:laugh:

 

And then sell the stories to the national media :nile:

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Guest lankybellwipe

What a depraved lunatic!  :idiot2:

 

I once spent a a whole morning, jumping off my kitchen bench, and dive bombing, with my bottom cheeks held far apart, onto a taytee. I even lubricated it with Stork SB!

 

It is impossible!

 

It is my contention that this pervert couldn't find a kid with a big enough fist, didn't want to dorty his own, so cork screwed a Jersey Royal up there! :idiot2:

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Guest lankybellwipe

Knowing the state of the health service these days the offending spud probably ended up as someone's jacket potato in the visitors canteen.

 

I think we know who as well...someone quite close to this thread who is partial to a nice taytee...

 

http://www.newcastle-online.com/nufcforum/index.php?action=profile;u=7240

 

;D

 

 

 

 

 

:lol:

 

I vow, here and now, never to sample hospital taytage, or vicarage taytage for that matter  O0

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Why does that look so unbelievably disgusting?

 

Because it's been up my arse.

 

Now, I would have thought that you would leave the skin on. You know, for the friction. What's the point of sitting on a smooth potato? Out of eggs?

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Why does that look so unbelievably disgusting?

 

Because it's been up my arse.

 

Now, I would have thought that you would leave the skin on. You know, for the friction. What's the point of sitting on a smooth potato? Out of eggs?

 

Potato juice is good for the old haemorrhoids. :nods:

 

 

 

But woah, woah, woah....back up a bit Mikey my boy - the skin is still very much on that potato there. I mean, maybe you have bigger and better potatoes in Yankee-doodle-dandy-land with rougher, tougher, meaner-looking skin with five days' worth of stubble growth all over them? But British potatoes are like that one which had still got the skin ON, mate. :nods: No, seriously...take another look. The skin is ON, mate. It is ON! I'm not shitting you bro! It is unpeeled. Virgin. Untouched and still very much unskinned. And it is perfect in dimension and scale for the treatment of those pesky old piles. :nods:

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Knowing the state of the health service these days the offending spud probably ended up as someone's jacket potato in the visitors canteen.

 

Nah, anything we remove from the rectum of a nutter patient we have to return to them as it's their property.

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