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Crackers your Family come out with...


Guest Heneage
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Guest Heneage

I came home from Uni the other day, and My mum picked up my copy of the Metro, flicked to the classifieds, and began to read some out she went "Ooh Brian look, Women seeking Women, 28 year old woman enjoys The Cinema and eating out".

 

Now with out missing a beat my Dad turned round and said "I bet she does the dirty bitch." I was literally in tears.

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Guest lankybellwipe

I came home from Uni the other day, and My mum picked up my copy of the Metro, flicked to the classifieds, and began to read some out she went "Ooh Brian look, Women seeking Women, 28 year old woman enjoys The Cinema and eating out".

 

Now with out missing a beat my Dad turned round and said "I bet she does the dirty bitch." I was literally in tears.

 

All hail to Brian! You are master over us all! Use the gord and follow him!

 

Priceless Kris!  ;D

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Guest lankybellwipe

Why did your mam think your dad would be interested on a lesbian classified ad?

 

 

Cos she knows he's a man!

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About six years ago or so, I was in the car in a petrol station (near Leeds I think) with my mum, dad and little brother who was about seven or eight at the time. My dad came back from the shop having paid for the petrol and just as we were about to leave, a big black jeep with tinted windows pulled into the pump on the right of us and out got the bloke. My dad said "Hey, look, that's Gareth Southgate over there! Wave at him Rel!"

 

So my little bro winds down the window and goes "Gareth!", at which point he smiled and waved back. Anyway, we drove off down the motorway and about five minutes later, my brother goes "Dad, that didn't look like Gareth Gates at all."

 

:lol:

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Guest LucaAltieri

About six years ago or so, I was in the car in a petrol station (near Leeds I think) with my mum, dad and little brother who was about seven or eight at the time. My dad came back from the shop having paid for the petrol and just as we were about to leave, a big black jeep with tinted windows pulled into the pump on the right of us and out got the bloke. My dad said "Hey, look, that's Gareth Southgate over there! Wave at him Rel!"

 

So my little bro winds down the window and goes "Gareth!", at which point he smiled and waved back. Anyway, we drove off down the motorway and about five minutes later, my brother goes "Dad, that didn't look like Gareth Gates at all."

 

:lol:

 

Your brother is never getting married  O0

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Guest firetotheworks

My nana pronounced Matt Damon as 'Matt Da mone' the other week, I pissed myself.

 

Also my mates dad was eating chicken and almost choked after saying 'here, thats FOUL that!'

 

Few years back my sister dropped a biscuit wrapper and my dad goes 'Amy, guns dont kill people, wrappers do' he thought he was a fuckin genius.

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Years ago my gran was getting used to using the tv remote control. She was reading the instructions out and it mentioned pressing the relevant button. She became increasingly annoyed when she couldn't actually find the button marked 'relevant'...

 

???

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My Grandma bought a copy of the Hartlepool Mail because she thought it was the last ever issue. It said 'Final Edition' on the front. :rolleyes:

 

I watched Last of the Summer Wine once for the same reason  :blush:

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My Grandma bought a copy of the Hartlepool Mail because she thought it was the last ever issue. It said 'Final Edition' on the front. :rolleyes:

 

I watched Last of the Summer Wine once for the same reason  :blush:

 

Fucking hell. :lol:

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Eight year old nephew said that Rocky IV wasn't a good movie.

 

Not a cracker, I'd imagine, but I pulled something shaking my head.

 

:lol:

 

They're doing Rocky week over here, Tooj. All five(four) of the ones they can show now. I land on Rocky IV right as he's about to fight Drago. I mean, for a kid, this is magic stuff here. So I tell him to watch this, and he just keeps going on and on about how the fight would be over if Jeff Hardy was there.

 

What the hell am I supposed to do?

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Eight year old nephew said that Rocky IV wasn't a good movie.

 

Not a cracker, I'd imagine, but I pulled something shaking my head.

 

:lol:

 

They're doing Rocky week over here, Tooj. All five(four) of the ones they can show now. I land on Rocky IV right as he's about to fight Drago. I mean, for a kid, this is magic stuff here. So I tell him to watch this, and he just keeps going on and on about how the fight would be over if Jeff Hardy was there.

 

What the hell am I supposed to do?

 

You should have give him a right hook and then said can Jeff Hardy do that?

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Eight year old nephew said that Rocky IV wasn't a good movie.

 

Not a cracker, I'd imagine, but I pulled something shaking my head.

 

 

My mam was looking through our home made video copies when she said, ooh look, Rocky Ivy.

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Eight year old nephew said that Rocky IV wasn't a good movie.

 

Not a cracker, I'd imagine, but I pulled something shaking my head.

 

:lol:

 

They're doing Rocky week over here, Tooj. All five(four) of the ones they can show now. I land on Rocky IV right as he's about to fight Drago. I mean, for a kid, this is magic stuff here. So I tell him to watch this, and he just keeps going on and on about how the fight would be over if Jeff Hardy was there.

 

What the hell am I supposed to do?

 

You should have give him a right hook and then said can Jeff Hardy do that?

 

:lol: It's crazy. He was sitting there talking shit about Rocky. Now, I love this kid like he was my own son, but I was about to fuck him up.

 

We got to talking about these types of movies, and I asked "Well, did you like Predator?" "...What's Predator?"

 

I've failed as an uncle, right?

 

Eight year old nephew said that Rocky IV wasn't a good movie.

 

Not a cracker, I'd imagine, but I pulled something shaking my head.

 

 

My mam was looking through our home made video copies when she said, ooh look, Rocky Ivy.

 

:lol:

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Guest LucaAltieri

Saved. Rebound scored. 4-3.

 

Rebound any good? Worth looking at in January? Seems to score a lot.

 

Jon's posts are generally good, but that was shite.

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