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Worst Songs/Comebacks of 2008


Skeletor
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http://entertainment.uk.msn.com/music/features/article.aspx?cp-documentid=12018683&GT1=61501&ocid=today

 

While 2008 is unlikely to go down in history as a vintage year for classic songs, it well and truly earned its entry in the Stinkers Almanac, with a tide of pop effluent that had our ears stockpiling wax and fashioning it into a musical dam.

 

Perhaps the biggest insult to taste and decency came in the shape of what's been described as 'flat-pack indie'.

 

These were bands who appeared to have been assembled on a production line to look and sound as much like "wot da kids are into" as possible, but on closer inspection were insubstantial, cynically marketed facsimiles of groups from the recent past – minus the creative spark that terrifies record companies because it so often results in said groups making music that DOESN'T GET PLAYED ON THE RADIO.

 

Their MDF counterparts, however, could be relied upon to deliver perky, inoffensive, digital-station-friendly fluff that, as was discovered, people would buy by the bucketload, seemingly unaware that every record sold by the likes of The Courteeners, Hoosiers, The Wombats and Scouting For Girls is a vote for Satan and all his farting elves.

 

2007's She's So Lovely may have been more obnoxious than a Frosties advert but this year Scouting For Girls gave us the equally repetitive Heartbreak, Elvis Ain't Dead and James Bond – three songs only deserving of praise if the composer had recently undergone a frontal lobotomy and had stopped licking the carpet long enough to yelp, "I do love / She does a heartbreak", over and over again until he got a biscuit.

 

 

© PA

But this was the year of annoying. The rise of commercial digital radio stations, with a playlist barely five songs long, proved a breeding ground for a new wave of novelty pop.

Katy Perry, Pink, Gym Class Heroes and Pussycat Dolls all attacked the airwaves with a virulent strain of earworm that has driven us to new, uncharted degrees of mental torture.

 

Given the choice of hearing Pink's So What again or having the nails slowly torn from our toes, we'll reach for the pliers and do it ourselves. When future generations discover that Perry's I Kissed A Girl was one of the most played songs of 2008 they will assume evolution took a holiday that year and the human race reverted to Bonobos.

 

© PA

 

While we're on the subject of our simian cousins, The Verve staged one of rock's most underwhelming comebacks with Love Is Noise ("and the award for most meaningless, adolescent song title goes to…"). There's a delicious kind of justice in the fact that the supposedly cool and iconic Verve failed where the apparently uncool Take That succeeded.

 

But that was because Take That wrote more than two good songs to begin with and, when they came back, wrote even better songs that didn't feature the sound of a seagull shouting "hello" down a chimney, unlike The Verve's disastrous effort that was so bad, every time it came on the radio we feared the earth would burn up with embarrassment. i.e. VERY, VERY BAD!

 

And staying with shaved apes (only this time in Paul Weller wigs), we can't imagine anyone was really expecting Oasis to write another Some Might Say, but they returned with a set of songs so lacklustre we can't imagine how anyone involved retained the will to live. If seventh album Dig Out Your Soul were a dog, the RSPCA would encourage you to shoot it in the face.

 

 

 

© PA

But all that pales when compared to the absurd rebirth of Queen (+ Paul "you know, the one who was in Free and Bad Company and sang that song All Right Now" Rogers). A band whose reputation was always disproportionate to their actual abilities, even when the only interesting member was still alive and the most talented member could still bear to play bass in their presence, were now a band who had the audacity to follow up the worst musical ever written (one day we'll topple that statue of Freddie in Tottenham Court Rd, just like they did Saddam) with a new album under the name Queen + Paul "who was also in The Firm but we can't remember any of their hits" Rogers, entitled The Cosmos Rocks (oh good grief!).

 

Queen + Paul "why didn't they just get George Michael to do it again because at least he can hit the high notes without sounding like he's straining out a poo" Rogers also released a single called C-lebrity (oh good grief!), damning our obsession with reality TV stars (oh good grief!) that was stuffed full of lyrical conceits as clumsy as a giant picking up pins, and sounded as joyless and stilted as a Gordon Brown-hosted Xmas party. They did not rock us.

 

But our nomination for worst song of the year (now we've been spared the agony of hearing Eoghan wrap his gormless lips around Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah – thank you wise, X Factor voting public) is going to be a controversial choice.

 

© PA

 

It wasn't that there was anything wrong with the tune of Beyonce's If I Were A Boy. The tune was nice. Very nice. Well done that woman who wrote it who wasn't Beyonce.

 

But the words made us want to buy a bra, wear it until it became fashionable for men to wear bras and then burn that bra in protest and disgust at the ludicrously clichéd portrayal of men within its fake-empowerment verses.

 

Apparently, if Ms Knowles had danglier genitals, she would: "Roll out of bed in the morning / And throw on what I wanted / And go drink beer with the guys." That's not a boy, that's an unemployed alcoholic! She also imagines: "I would turn off my phone / Tell everyone its broken / So they think that I was sleeping alone."

 

Again, this isn't the natural behaviour of the Y chromosome. It's the behaviour of a dishonest, unfaithful git which, last time we checked, wasn't exclusive to either gender. What's so awful about If I Were A Boy is that no such man exists and no such relationship exists, except perhaps in beer commercials. The entire song is a lie and an insult to all complex, individual and free-thinking human beings.

 

Of course, the real lyrics should go something along the lines of: "If I were a boy / I'd pee standing up / Then I'd take my car to the garage / And be amazed that they didn't patronise me about the trouble I've been having with the clutch."

 

Now that's a song we'd want to hear.

 

Feel they're missing the all mighty Nickelback in there. Or was that last year? The whole decade has blurred into the same year.

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Perhaps the biggest insult to taste and decency came in the shape of what's been described as 'flat-pack indie'.

 

These were bands who appeared to have been assembled on a production line to look and sound as much like "wot da kids are into" as possible, but on closer inspection were insubstantial, cynically marketed facsimiles of groups from the recent past – minus the creative spark that terrifies record companies because it so often results in said groups making music that DOESN'T GET PLAYED ON THE RADIO.

 

Their MDF counterparts, however, could be relied upon to deliver perky, inoffensive, digital-station-friendly fluff that, as was discovered, people would buy by the bucketload, seemingly unaware that every record sold by the likes of The Courteeners, Hoosiers, The Wombats and Scouting For Girls is a vote for Satan and all his farting elves.

 

2007's She's So Lovely may have been more obnoxious than a Frosties advert but this year Scouting For Girls gave us the equally repetitive Heartbreak, Elvis Ain't Dead and James Bond – three songs only deserving of praise if the composer had recently undergone a frontal lobotomy and had stopped licking the carpet long enough to yelp, "I do love / She does a heartbreak", over and over again until he got a biscuit.

 

Word.

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Guest The Libertine

i hate all that "x is better than y" shite. music doesnt (or at least shouldnt) work like that. i'll like what i like, you like what you like.

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Guest Jawesome

I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  Fucking fags.

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I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  Fucking fags.

 

Thing is 'Cut Your Hair' by Pavement almost fits that description and is definitely one of the great songs of all time.

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Guest Jawesome

I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  Fucking fags.

 

Thing is 'Cut Your Hair' by Pavement almost fits that description and is definitely one of the great songs of all time.

 

Who?

 

Just had a listen on Youtube, and if you think that is "one of the great songs of all time", then you're a fucking simpleton.

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In terms of comebacks I thought The Royle Family Christmas Special was f***ing awful in almost every way.

 

Really? I thought it was good. Not as good as the wallpaper episode, or any of the other class ones, but still decent.

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I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  Fucking fags.

 

Thing is 'Cut Your Hair' by Pavement almost fits that description and is definitely one of the great songs of all time.

 

Who?

 

Just had a listen on Youtube, and if you think that is "one of the great songs of all time", then you're a fucking simpleton.

 

:kasper: :tickedoff: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

 

PAVEMENT, MOTHERFUCKER!

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I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  Fucking fags.

 

Thing is 'Cut Your Hair' by Pavement almost fits that description and is definitely one of the great songs of all time.

Pavement are fucking brilliant

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I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  f***ing fags.

 

Thing is 'Cut Your Hair' by Pavement almost fits that description and is definitely one of the great songs of all time.

You are either tone deaf, have mental issues or are just a fucking retard...... "Great songs of all time" is something I would put with the likes of Beach Boys- Surfing USA, Meatloaf- Bat out of hell, ABBA- Waterloo..... you know real classics not some retards with 2 chord heroism

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I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  f***ing fags.

 

Thing is 'Cut Your Hair' by Pavement almost fits that description and is definitely one of the great songs of all time.

You are either tone deaf, have mental issues or are just a fucking retard...... "Great songs of all time" is something I would put with the likes of Beach Boys- Surfing USA, Meatloaf- Bat out of hell, ABBA- Waterloo..... you know real classics not some retards with 2 chord heroism

 

Pavement tbh.

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Guest cfhpantera27

I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  Fucking fags.

 

this

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I just hate generic 'indie' bands that all have names beginning with 'The...' and where the lead 'guitarist' plays about 3 notes, with the chorus not even consisting of lyrics, just them going 'na na na na' or 'do do do do do do'.

 

I bet if you asked half the kids who listen to it, they wouldn't know where the term 'indie' has came from.  f***ing fags.

 

Thing is 'Cut Your Hair' by Pavement almost fits that description and is definitely one of the great songs of all time.

You are either tone deaf, have mental issues or are just a fucking retard...... "Great songs of all time" is something I would put with the likes of Beach Boys- Surfing USA, Meatloaf- Bat out of hell, ABBA- Waterloo..... you know real classics not some retards with 2 chord heroism

 

;D ;D

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Read that article the other day, think its spot on tbh. I cant stand indie bands anymore, or at least none of the new ones. Bands like One Night Only are so bloody annoying, the state of those little cunts, to these people its like you cant be in a band unless you wear stupid skin tight clothes, have long messy hair and act zany and out there.

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http://entertainment.uk.msn.com/music/features/article.aspx?cp-documentid=12018683&GT1=61501&ocid=today

 

While 2008 is unlikely to go down in history as a vintage year for classic songs, it well and truly earned its entry in the Stinkers Almanac, with a tide of pop effluent that had our ears stockpiling wax and fashioning it into a musical dam.

 

Perhaps the biggest insult to taste and decency came in the shape of what's been described as 'flat-pack indie'.

 

These were bands who appeared to have been assembled on a production line to look and sound as much like "wot da kids are into" as possible, but on closer inspection were insubstantial, cynically marketed facsimiles of groups from the recent past minus the creative spark that terrifies record companies because it so often results in said groups making music that DOESN'T GET PLAYED ON THE RADIO.

 

Their MDF counterparts, however, could be relied upon to deliver perky, inoffensive, digital-station-friendly fluff that, as was discovered, people would buy by the bucketload, seemingly unaware that every record sold by the likes of The Courteeners, Hoosiers, The Wombats and Scouting For Girls is a vote for Satan and all his farting elves.

 

2007's She's So Lovely may have been more obnoxious than a Frosties advert but this year Scouting For Girls gave us the equally repetitive Heartbreak, Elvis Ain't Dead and James Bond three songs only deserving of praise if the composer had recently undergone a frontal lobotomy and had stopped licking the carpet long enough to yelp, "I do love / She does a heartbreak", over and over again until he got a biscuit.

 

 

© PA

But this was the year of annoying. The rise of commercial digital radio stations, with a playlist barely five songs long, proved a breeding ground for a new wave of novelty pop.

Katy Perry, Pink, Gym Class Heroes and Pussycat Dolls all attacked the airwaves with a virulent strain of earworm that has driven us to new, uncharted degrees of mental torture.

 

Given the choice of hearing Pink's So What again or having the nails slowly torn from our toes, we'll reach for the pliers and do it ourselves. When future generations discover that Perry's I Kissed A Girl was one of the most played songs of 2008 they will assume evolution took a holiday that year and the human race reverted to Bonobos.

 

© PA

 

While we're on the subject of our simian cousins, The Verve staged one of rock's most underwhelming comebacks with Love Is Noise ("and the award for most meaningless, adolescent song title goes to"). There's a delicious kind of justice in the fact that the supposedly cool and iconic Verve failed where the apparently uncool Take That succeeded.

 

But that was because Take That wrote more than two good songs to begin with and, when they came back, wrote even better songs that didn't feature the sound of a seagull shouting "hello" down a chimney, unlike The Verve's disastrous effort that was so bad, every time it came on the radio we feared the earth would burn up with embarrassment. i.e. VERY, VERY BAD!

 

And staying with shaved apes (only this time in Paul Weller wigs), we can't imagine anyone was really expecting Oasis to write another Some Might Say, but they returned with a set of songs so lacklustre we can't imagine how anyone involved retained the will to live. If seventh album Dig Out Your Soul were a dog, the RSPCA would encourage you to shoot it in the face.

 

 

 

© PA

But all that pales when compared to the absurd rebirth of Queen (+ Paul "you know, the one who was in Free and Bad Company and sang that song All Right Now" Rogers). A band whose reputation was always disproportionate to their actual abilities, even when the only interesting member was still alive and the most talented member could still bear to play bass in their presence, were now a band who had the audacity to follow up the worst musical ever written (one day we'll topple that statue of Freddie in Tottenham Court Rd, just like they did Saddam) with a new album under the name Queen + Paul "who was also in The Firm but we can't remember any of their hits" Rogers, entitled The Cosmos Rocks (oh good grief!).

 

Queen + Paul "why didn't they just get George Michael to do it again because at least he can hit the high notes without sounding like he's straining out a poo" Rogers also released a single called C-lebrity (oh good grief!), damning our obsession with reality TV stars (oh good grief!) that was stuffed full of lyrical conceits as clumsy as a giant picking up pins, and sounded as joyless and stilted as a Gordon Brown-hosted Xmas party. They did not rock us.

 

But our nomination for worst song of the year (now we've been spared the agony of hearing Eoghan wrap his gormless lips around Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah thank you wise, X Factor voting public) is going to be a controversial choice.

 

© PA

 

It wasn't that there was anything wrong with the tune of Beyonce's If I Were A Boy. The tune was nice. Very nice. Well done that woman who wrote it who wasn't Beyonce.

 

But the words made us want to buy a bra, wear it until it became fashionable for men to wear bras and then burn that bra in protest and disgust at the ludicrously clichéd portrayal of men within its fake-empowerment verses.

 

Apparently, if Ms Knowles had danglier genitals, she would: "Roll out of bed in the morning / And throw on what I wanted / And go drink beer with the guys." That's not a boy, that's an unemployed alcoholic! She also imagines: "I would turn off my phone / Tell everyone its broken / So they think that I was sleeping alone."

 

Again, this isn't the natural behaviour of the Y chromosome. It's the behaviour of a dishonest, unfaithful git which, last time we checked, wasn't exclusive to either gender. What's so awful about If I Were A Boy is that no such man exists and no such relationship exists, except perhaps in beer commercials. The entire song is a lie and an insult to all complex, individual and free-thinking human beings.

 

Of course, the real lyrics should go something along the lines of: "If I were a boy / I'd pee standing up / Then I'd take my car to the garage / And be amazed that they didn't patronise me about the trouble I've been having with the clutch."

 

Now that's a song we'd want to hear.

 

Feel they're missing the all mighty Nickelback in there. Or was that last year? The whole decade has blurred into the same year.

 

Disagree with popular opinion.  Whoever wrote that would fit in well on here.

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