Dave Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 The other day I walked into the kitchen and could have sworn I heard an onion singing a Beegees song. I opened the fridge and it was just a chive talking. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
S.S.R. Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Did it change into anything else or was it just staying a chive? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two snowmen in a field, one looks at the other and says.. can you smell carrot? Why did the pie stand on the corner? Cos he was meat 'n' potato. Skeleton walks into a bar. Says "I'll have a pint of lager and a mop" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilko Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I found that there was a bird clearing up all the leaves and branches from my garden yesterday. It was a wheelsparrow. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JH Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 A man walks into a bar...ouch Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mowen Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 What's E.T. short for? He's got little legs. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two balloons are floating across the desert. One says to the other: 'Look out for that cactusssssssssssss' Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JH Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 What's E.T. short for? He's got little legs. That still gets me a little bit Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilko Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two indigestion tablets walk into a bar and have a pint each. The barman rings the bell and cries "last orders!" The indigestion tablet on the right says "it's goodnight from me" The indigestion tablet on the left says "and it's goodnight from him" The barman says "Ah, you must be the Two Rennies." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JH Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 There were 3 students in class called zip, willy and pee. The teacher walked out the room to talk to another teacher so zip, willy and pee got up and went over to the cupboard. Zip stood on top of the cupboard, Willy hid inside it and pee just stood there. The teacher came in and very angry, she said "Zip down, Willy out and Pee in the corner!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaizero Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two tomatoes walk over a road, then one gets hit by a bus. Then the other says "Come on ketchup!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilko Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Neil Buchanan was arrested today for scaring a woman to death. Police have confirmed that she died of an art attack. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissy Bee Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 What do you call a pig with three eyes? A Piiig. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mowen Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 What's purple and commutative? An abelian grape. Disclaimer: you will need some knowledge of group theory to understand this. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilko Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 What's brown and hairy and goes up and down? A kiwi in a lift. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaizero Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Pilko. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lankybellwipe Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two snowmen in a field, one looks at the other and says.. can you smell carrot? Why did the pie stand on the corner? Cos he was meat 'n' potato. Skeleton walks into a bar. Says "I'll have a pint of lager and a mop" Did I FUCK! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GM Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 How do you know when a mackem lass has climaxed? She drops her chips. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Snrub Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Loaf of bread walks into a pub landlord says "sorry mate we don't serve food" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilko Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Pilko. My jokes are better when they're about Nixon. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two snowmen in a field, one looks at the other and says.. can you smell carrot? Why did the pie stand on the corner? Cos he was meat 'n' potato. Skeleton walks into a bar. Says "I'll have a pint of lager and a mop" Did I f***! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mowen Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 A giraffe goes into a bar and orders a pint of Fosters. "That's £4" says the barman. "You know, we don't get many giraffes in here" To which the giraffe replies "I'm not fucking surprised, with those prices" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Snrub Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Did anyone hear about the dyslexic pimp that bought a warehouse? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lankybellwipe Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Loaf of bread walks into a pub landlord says "sorry mate we don't serve food" I walks into a pub landlord says "sorry mate, we don't serve arseholes and/or bellends!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lankybellwipe Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 A giraffe goes into a bar and orders a pint of Fosters. "That's £4" says the barman. "You know, we don't get many giraffes in here" To which the giraffe replies "I'm not fucking surprised, with those prices" Did I FUCK! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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