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On behalf of all of Scandinavia, we would like to start this ceremony by apologizing to everyone for this having taken this fucking long. We'd also like to apologize for the wait being absolutely not worth it. The speeches that are in italics are what the poster him/herself responded to us with, the ones not in italics are for the ones that didn't get back to us.




Anyway, let’s get cracking with THE 2009 FORUM AWARDS CEREMONY!


Live from St. James' Park, Newcastle, here are our hosts for the evening: former Toon Legends Andreas Andersson and Ronny Johnsen! Du-du-du-duu-du-duuu!!


(Enters onto a stage built in the middle of the park to a bemused crowd is Andersson, still sporting that blonde hair of his, and Ronny Johnsen. Phil K is heard muttering ‘Who the hell are these two pricks? Did Pilko send them to this or what?)


Andersson: Thank you, thank you! It’s a great honour to be back in Newcastle and getting to present these awards!

Johnsen: Definitely, I can’t tell you how much I’ve been wanting to come back here for a last appearance!

Andersson: To get us started, we’ll first present to you the slightly more negative awards, the ones most of you probably did not want to win…

Johnsen: … we’ll then continue with the best threads for each section

Andersson: And finally we’ll present the best awards for best users.

Johnsen: Here to present the awards for Worst Poster, Most Pessimistic Poster, Best Wind Up Merchant, Most Controversial Poster, and Best Forum Feud, here is…

Both: MIKE ASHLEY owner of Newcastle United Football Club and SportsDirect!


(Mike Ashley enters the pitch on St James’ to boo’s from every section of the crowd. NE5 is seen trying to throw a knife at him, but is stopped in the end by a short steward from Leeds, who also makes sure NE5 leaves the ground and is not allowed back in.)


Ashley: Thank you everyone! I must say, I find it slightly ironic that I’ve been chosen to do these awards, considering all the money I’ve put into the club, I thought I would get to do some more prestigious stuff, but well, I guess I’ll take what I can get.

First up, we’ve got the award for Best Wind Up Merchant! And the nominees are: Liam Liam Liam O, Ronaldo and Alan Shearer 9.




Ronaldo with 19 votes!


(Ronaldo stands up, bows and takes in the applause from the crowd. He is looking completely oblivious to what award he’s actually won, and looks immensely proud to have just won anything. Before he says anything, he raises the award towards the sky and gives it a kiss.)

Ronaldo: "Thanks to all who voted and the players who continue to prove me right."



Ashley: Good job there son! Moving on, we’ve got the award for who was the very Worst Poster of 2009! And the nominees are: Ronaldo, Phil K and Delima.




Ronaldo with 19 votes!


(again, Ronaldo walks up looking like he’s just won big. The faces in the crowd looks bewildered, ‘is he really proud of winning this one?’)

Ronaldo says: "Thanks to all who voted and the players who continue to prove me right."



Ashley: Sounds like someone wasn’t prepared for winning multiple awards. Still, good going son, I feel we all got something to learn from that lad.

For our next award, we'll have at least two winners, as it is the award for The Best Forum Feud. The nominees are: GM VS Decky, GM VS Kezman and GG vs Pilko



GM VS Kezman, with 10 votes!


(There is no movement in the crowd, neither Kezman or GM is seen going to the stage. The camera zooms in on GM, who's got the meanest of looks on his face, 'I shouldn't have to share this award with that little cunt'. Next, the camera zooms in on Kezman, who doesn't even seem to have realized he won, as he's stuffing his face with a pie of some sort.)




Ashley: Well done both of you, we all know the forum has had its fair share of feuds, so to have been the very best must feel like a massive accomplishment! Again, moving forward, it's time for finding out just who was the Most Controversial Poster of 2009! And our nominees are: Delima, NE5 and Ronaldo! Will Ronaldo have another winners speech lined up, or will it be the same over and over? If he does, we will have to wait to find out, because THE WINNER IS:


Delima, with 24 votes!


Ashley: Well, it turns out Delima could not be with us today as he's held up at a farm, so we've recruited one of the North Easts finest singers to join us on stage with a tribute to our dearly beloved Delima.


(The spotlight goes to centre stage, where Pilko is walking up to the microphone carrying an acoustic guitar.)





Ashley: Thanks for that, big guy. Next up is the Most Pessimistic Poster, a.k.a The Emo Award. Personally, I'm hoping that whoever wins this has his or her username changed to simply 'Emo', but hey, people tend to not listen to what I say, so I probably just as well could've kept my mouth shut. I really just want to stay on this stage for as long as possible. Anyway, for my last award, the nominees are: Harry-Norway, Liam Liam Liam O and Phil K.




Phil K with a whopping 39 votes!


(Camera shows us Mr. K, and you don't have to be a professional lip reader to see swear words being uttered. He gets up, picks up a razorblade from his pocket and cuts his wrist while walking up to the stage)


Phil K: Whats the matter ? Pillock Pilko and his Playground Pals put in a request or something?

(Phil K throws his award on the ground before leaving the stage. He's seen giving Pilko the evil eye as he walks pasts him.)




Ashley: Wow, always knew he wasn't the most cheerful chap, but never did I expect this. Probably the most well deserved award yet, well done son. Well, this is it for me, I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening and let's hope I can find a buyer for the club in the summer so I don't have to come back for this shite next year.


(Andersson and Johnsen comes back on)


Johnsen: What a guy that Mike bloke is. Taking time off his busy schedule gambling his money away to come here and do these awards for us.

Andersson: Indeed, what an inspiration he is. Good luck to you at the roulette table tonight Mike! O0

Johnsen: The next set of awards will now be for the best and funniest threads, and also best signature and avatar. This is when we turn the heat up

Andersson: These are the awards you want to win.

Johnsen: Except for Ronaldo, who seemed to be over the moon with his earlier wins.

Anderson: Too true. To present these awards, we tried to get Geordie legends Ant & Dec, but they nicely told us to fuck off and said that they are never coming to one of these awards again after they felt the award ceremony felt rushed when they were last here.

Johnsen: You can't really blame them, to be fair though, can you? I mean, everyone knows that for anything big like this, you need several months to prepare. Even though we promised them that we really took time to prepare this time, and so it would be a lot better, they still wanted nothing to do with it.

Anderson: So, we moved on, and got another comedian from the north east of England. Please welcome...


Both: Rowan "Blackadder" Atkinson


Atkinson: Hello hello! It's an honour to be here, even though I was only second choice. Or third even, if you count both of them. At least I didn't have to do those boring awards that Mr. Ashley had to do.

Our first award here will be for the Best Thread in the Football Section. This is where the thread starter gets all the credit, but when really the entire forum should feel a bit proud. The nominees are: Football in Paint by Pilko, Hijacked Match Thread by unkown and Memories from the 70s, 80s and 90s by cp40.




FOOTBALL IN PAINT by Pillock Pilko with 41 votes!


(People are looking shocked all over the crowd when they realise Pilko hasn't been standing the whole ceremony and they see what a tall fucker he is once he actually stands up.)


Pilko: "WOW! Oh god, thanks very much, brilliant! I'm fugging delighted to have won this award, it means so much to me. I'd like to thank my PA (Kezman), my dad (madras), my boss (Dave) and my bitch (GG) for giving me so much support and material. I'm on Cloud Nine at the moment (and my head is sticking through Cloud Ten).


To all of those I know, all of those I don't, all from NOFC and all who voted - a big thanks goes your way. I'm now off out to have a kebab or six with Gejon followed by a few pints of fried lard to celebrate."





Atkinson: Hey, look at that suck up. Still, well done, son, and a well deserved award indeed. Next up, we've got the award for the Best Thread in General Chat. Again, someone will get a lot of undeserved credit here. The nominees are: I'm A Thieving C*nt (aka 'Moral/e Decision' :mackems: by Kezman Some Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity by Lazlo and Lush Lasses by Disco Des. Here's hoping Disco Des is the winner and his lass being here so we can all see him having to explain that thread.



Unfortunately, we won't get to see Disco Des' fighting it out with his lass, because the winner, with 27 votes, is Lazlo for SOME VAGUELY AMUSING INTERNET JOCULARITY!


(Lazlo, wearing a t-shirt with Waluigi on the front, gets up to receive his award)


Lazlo:"It was just a thought to bring the best and worst pictures from around the net onto the forum. "Vaguely", because the world don't beat to the sound of just one drum, what may be right for you may not be right for some. hope you enjoyed.


Atkinson: Well, we most certainly did enjoy it, seeing as it won best thread of last year. Don't think anyone has ever done so little to get an award before, you just posted a picture that you found somewhere on the net. At least Kezman didn't win it though, I think I would have to resign from doing the rest of the awards if he'd have won anything by being a thief who loses what he steals.




Atkinson: To break up all these awards for people who've done fuck all, let's bring out the people who with a bit of creativity (or to be fair, just plain stealing in most cases) who won the Best Avatar and Best Signature. Starting with Best Signature, the nominees are: ElDiablo, FabregAsh and Ste.




Ste with 12 votes!


(Camera zooms in Ste's laptop and showing him ogling at the Cheryl Tweedy pictures he's got on there. As soon as he realizes this, he quickly closes his laptop and gets up to collect his award.)


Ste: "Firstly, I wish to thank everybody that voted, I could not have done this without the Queen of the North East, Miss Cheryl Tweedy. Secondly, I wish to thank myself, for perving at pictures of said woman online on Google Images and finding the most amazing .jpg in the world.

Most of all, I thank Cheryl for having a fine, fine, FINE ass. Damn that girls got talent.


Thank you Newcastle-Online for your votes, I will endeavor to continue to provide excellent eye candy in my signatures as my thank you to YOU, the voters."


Atkinson: Well, at least he took the effort to search google for something. Fair play to the lad.



Atkinson: Moving on quickly, here's the nominees for Best Avatar: Mike for 'Shola On A Bike', Interpolic for 'Phil Brown in Paint' and Towelie for 'Rock Paper Scissor'




James Cameron for 'Jake Sully and Neytiri' with $2,551,818,745 Worldwide Box Office!


Atkinson: Unfortunately, Mr. Cameron could not be here tonight, due to him being hospitalised after almost drowning in his pool of money. So, the award will go to second place winner



Interpolic with 26 votes and $0 Worldwide Box Office!


(Interpolic puts down his new baby sloth and runs up to the stage, his hair flying as orange as Phil Brown in his avatar)


Interpolic: "Wow, well I'd like to thank Phil Brown, MS Paint, the Football in Paint thread and the Paint colour R255, G126, B0 (Phil Brown orange) without which none of this could have been possible.  Cheers!"




Atkinson: Congratulations to both of you. Now, let's get back to the threads. We've still got Best Vendetta against a Player/Club Official and Funniest Thread to go before I'm done for the night. Let's start with Best Vendetta. The nominees are: The Forum Vs. Mike Ashley, Wullie Vs. Duff and Phil K Vs The World.


The Forum Vs. Mike Ashley with 20 votes!


(Everybody is looking at each other, no one knowing whether all should go up to receive the award or if no one should. After some ten seconds of confusion, Mike Ashley walks back on to the stage and picks up the reward)


Ashley: So, the forum is against me now? Bunch of Shepherd apologists the lot of you. This is what Derek was talking about earlier this week, you lot aren't reasonable. I've put £25 million into the club in December and another £5 million last week. I'm committed and I've spent a shitload on NUFC. If only you guys could be more reasonable, it's not like your club is about to be wound up, like it would have been had I not come in.

(Ashley walks off to boo's from the entire crowd, bar a tiny click with a banner saying 'The Ashley Apologists - ASH IN NUFC 4EVA'




Atkinson: Ohh, well that was awkward. Let's move on to something a bit more fun. Here's my last award, Funniest Thread! The nominees are: Keefaz' England All-Goalie FM Experiment by Keefaz McBeefaz, I'm A Thieving C*nt by Kezman and Football in Paint by Pillock Pilko




FOOTBALL IN PAINT by Pillock Pilko with 34 votes!


(Pilko gives Kezman a wet kiss on the mouth before walking up to the stage)


Pilko: Well, I was going to write a separate speech for this, but then I remembered it's for the same fucking thread so I couldn't be bothered. So, here's the same speech again:

"WOW! Oh god, thanks very much, brilliant! I'm fugging delighted to have won this award, it means so much to me. I'd like to thank my PA (Kezman), my dad (madras), my boss (Dave) and my bitch (GG) for giving me so much support and material. I'm on Cloud Nine at the moment (and my head is sticking through Cloud Ten).

To all of those I know, all of those I don't, all from NOFC and all who voted - a big thanks goes your way. I'm now off out to have a kebab or six with Gejon followed by a few pints of fried lard to celebrate."




Pilko walks off stage, and Andersson and Johnsen walks back up onto the stage.


Andersson: Now we've finished with the not-so personal awards.

Johnsen: It's time to move over to the awards everybody wants to win.

Andersson: But first, a very special award. It's the award for the person who wasn't just the best of 2009, but has been the best for the entire decade! Presenting this award is one of the most beloved persons who has ever graced the world of football.

Both: Please welcome, the Ghost of Sir Bobby Robson!

Andersson: The awards for the best posters.

(Massive cheers from the entire audience that just doesn't want to stop. Village Idiot is seen shedding a couple of tears.)


Robson: Oh, it's such a great honour to be back here for one last appearance, and even more so to be getting to present this, the most prestigious award of them all. This award is given to the one poster who has entertained, debated and kept the forum going best for the past decade, no mean feat at all. I am proud to announce the nominees for Best Poster of the Decade: Dave, Gemmil and Madras! Best of luck to all three of you, I really wish I could give it to each and everyone of you lads, but there's only one winner, and that winner is...



DAVE with 23 votes! Congratulations Dave, you must be oh-so proud!


(Dave walks up to the stage and tries to shake Sir Bobbys hand, forgetting that it's only ghost and ends up just going right through him. Dave takes the mic, looking surprisingly unaffected by winning this award.)


Dave: Well, I really only want to say one thing to the organisers of this ceremony; Towelie and Kaizero; you massive gimps.




(Camera shows us Towelie, Kaizero and Northern Gimp in the audience, and to be fair to Towelie and Kaizero, only one of the three is in a gimp mask with a rubber ball in his mouth.)




Robson: Unfortunately, I can't stick around much longer, Heaven needs it's manager back in preparation for the upcoming derby game against Hell. Again, thanks for having me and best of luck to any of the remaining nominees!


(Andersson and Johnsen comes back to the stage, Andersson looking like he's just been crying. Whether it is because he was moved to see the great legend that is Sir Bobby again or because he broke his nail is anyone's guess)


Johnsen: What a moment.

Andersson: Yeah...(sob)...

Johnsen: Well, Andreas, seems like you might need a break from talking while you gather your feelings. So, to give us a bit of a break, here is old fan favourite Nolberto Solano!

Solano: Thank you for having me here lads! I'm here to perform a little song for you, that I think you'll know and like.

(Nobby brings out his trumpet and starts playing an all-trumpet version of Mark Knopflers 'Going Home' to massive cheers from the audience.)

Solano: Thank you! Now, to save us some time, instead of having those sloth-like Scandinavians back on the stage, let me present to you the last guest presenter for this award ceremony! Here is an old friend of mine, who used to play with us during my first spell at Newcastle United; Temuri Ketsbaia!


Ketsbaia: Thank you Nobby, it's a pleasure to be here! So, I'm here as I've been asked to present the awards for the best users in a load of different categories, ranging from Best Poster to Best Admin/Moderator. So, here we go, let us start out with the latter, here are the nominees for Best Admin/Mod: Catmag, Dave and Rich




Dave with 39 votes!


Ketsbaia, wow big surprise there, right:rolleyes: ? Hell, before you come up here Dave, let's just get Most Helpful Poster out of the way too. Guess who won that one ladies and gentlemen? It was Dave as well! Whoa, what a surprise! If anyone's interested, the other nominees in that category were Lazlo and Skirge. So then, welcome up here Dave and accept your awards!


Dave: Ta!




Ketsbaia: That's what I like, short and concise, no need to overdo it, it just takes a lot of time and everyone will, rightly, start to become impatient and want to know who the rest of the winners are.

Next up we've got an award that you won't ever be able to win more than once. This award takes a lot of timing in regards to when you sign up; you want to sign up early enough in the year to make sure people get to know you, but still not too early so people might forget that you're actually a newcomer, I'm of course talking about the award for Best New Poster! The competition was very stiff in this category, and the final three nominees ended up being: Cristian, Village Idiot and Interpolic.




Interpolic with 38 posts!

(Interpolic tries to put down his sloth, but it's fallen asleep clinging on to him to hard, so he walks up to the stage with it on him. Jill is seen going :aww: somewhere in the crowd)


Interpolic:  "Decided to knock up something a bit gangster on MS Paint in case I won this one.  Yes I'm currently unemployed.  Cheers!"





Ketsbaia: Thanks for that one mate! We all love a bit of creativity when it comes to these! Though, did anyone else notice that one of the nominees was an old user? Ah well, who cares!

Now we've got an award that proves what a diverse group of people the Toon fans are, it's the award for best foreign poster! The nominees are: Kaizero, Minister Babatunde and Mike!




Yankee Mike with 25 votes!

Ketsbaia: Well done Mike, this is probably the biggest win your country will muster this year O0

Mike: Yo man, Yeehaww! America, Fuck Yeah!! Uncle Sam!





Ketsbaia: Must say I'm very happy that I got to give out that award, it means a lot to me to be able to give it away, considering I'm a foreigner here as well. Good thing that Steve isn't here, or we'd hear nothing but boos for that entire award.

Next, we've got an award that is just about as much about having been bad a bad poster as it is being a good one, I'm talking of course about Most Improved Poster! The nominees are: Jill, Ronaldo and Yorkie!




All three of them! with 8 votes each!


Ketsbaia: Don't bother coming to the stage either of you. Clearly, there's not been enough of an improvement from any of you to make you really deserve this award as all you could muster was a lousy 8 votes! Doesn't seem like anyone of you, bar Ronaldo, have a speech prepared anyway and who wants to hear Ronaldo telling everyone how right he was again?




Ketsbaia: Well, that was a let down, wasn't it?

For this next award, I want to bring in a very special person to make this award a bit more special. The award is for Best Looking Poster, and the person I want you all to give a big round of applause for is the lovely Cheryl Tweedy!

(Enters the stage does Tweedy, looking gorgeous as ever. Some of the blokes in the audience who are there with their lasses are doing their best not to look too much at her)

Tweedy: Thank you Tem for having us here, like. We've actually got four nominees for this category, due to there being so many beautiful posters on the board. The nominees are: Kezman, Ronaldo, TeteDeMaure and Kaizero




TeteDeMaure with 24 votes!


TeteDeMaure: Well, I haven't prepared for this at all! So, instead of giving you a speech, I'll just do this instead.

(She turns to Cheryl and the two of them starts making out. The crowd doesn't know what to do, they've got the best looking poster of the forum and Cheryl making out on stage. Delima and Messi are the only two not looking interested at all, the two kissing lasses on the stage are either too old or not too human for the two of them.

Hand in hand, Cheryl and TeteDeMaure walks off the stage.)




Ketsbaia: Got to say, I'm happy my wife wasn't here to see my reaction to that! Knew it was a good idea to get Cheryl here tonight, but never did I dare being optimistic enough for that to happen! Speaking of optimistic, we've got an award for the Most Optimistic Poster, so why don't we get onto that straight away? The nominees are: Interpolic, Billytray and Midds!




Interpolic with 14 votes!


Interpolic: This is proper bullshit.  I'm a miserable twat, ask anyone.  Barack!  What am I like in real life?  See.




Ketsbaia: Always nice to see a bit of honesty here, brilliant speech mate. Still, a bit of appreciation would have been nice, don't you think?

As we're on the topic of appreciation, here's an award for those that we all love to see post, but they just don't do it often enough! The award for Poster You'd Like To Post More Often, also known as Least Catchy Name Award. The nominees are: Blufpurdi, Gemmil, Wullie and Rich




All four of them with 7 votes each!


(Gemmill quickly rises from his chair and runs up to the stage, the rest of the winners looking like they couldn't care less. As Gemmill reaches the stage, he grabs the award and the mic.)


Gemmill: If I haven't won both of these by a fucking MILE, then this place is even more full of arseholes than I thought. If I have then well done to all of you on growing up, sprouting some hair on your little (probably foreign) bollocks and voting for someone who used to singlehandedly make this place worth having in your favourites."




Ketsbaia: Thought we had made it clear that you didn't quite deserve it if you could muster more votes than that. Still, well done and congratulations, I suppose.

Next up, we've got The Einstein Award, also known as Most Knowledgeable Poster. The nominees for this award are: ChezGiven, Mick and Madras.




Mick and Madras with 10 votes each!


(We are shown Mick and Madras playing Chess against each other, both looking utterly bored with this whole ceremony, just wishing it would be over soon. At a guess, they're game of chess will end in a draw as well.)




Ketsbaia: Well, I've got nothing to say here, so let's just get going with the next award. It's a very special award this one, it's for the Best Non-NUFC Fan Poster. For this one, the competition is far more about quality rather than quantity, as we all know we've got a few, but brilliant, Non-NUFC fans on the forum. The nominees are: Village Idiot, Brummie and Niel.




Niel and Village Idiot with 25 votes each!


(The Scouser and the Barcelonian get up from their seat and walk up to the stage. Niel grabs the award on one end, and Village Idiot on the other and they both start pulling. The award breaks in half, and they take their half and walks back to their seat and sits down, no one saying anything.)




Ketsbaia: Like I said earlier, always fun with when the winners spend a bit of time on how they are accepting their awards. :rolleyes:

Our next award is for The Most Underrated Poster, aka the 'you're probably not as shit as most think you are'-Award. The nominees are: Minister Babatunde, Kid Icarus and NUT Chris.




Kid Icarus with 7 votes


Kid Icarus: Thank You.

(As Icarus leaves the stage, Gob Bluth and Lindsay Fümke goes on the stage.)

Gob: What, are you too much of a chicken to give the audience a proper acceptance speech?

(After dancing on the stage for a bit, the three of them leaves the stage).




Ketsbaia: Well, that was certainly entertaining, got to love a bit of dancing on the stage, right? Next award is for Which Poster We'd Most Like To Meet! We're having a few more nominees for this one, as it's such a friendly forum where we all really want to meet eachother, right? :aww: The nominees are: LBW, Mike, Wormy, GM and Keefaz. This is going to be tight, may the best man win!




Mike with 11 votes.


(Enters the stage does Mike, Mike dressed up as the queen, reciting Shakespeare whilst stopping periodically to drink a mug of milky tea and chomp on some black pudding. Finally, he must make love to Latoya Jackson (still in his queen's outfit) whilst talking dirty to her in a Geordie accent. Mike grabs his award and walks off the stage. 'Is the forum now his?', many are asking themselves in the audience. Short answer is No, as it's not yet on youtube.)




Ketsbaia: We're now coming up towards the end of tonights show, with only five more awards to give out, and they are probably the most prestigious ones as well, including Funniest Poster and Best Overall Poster. So, here we go now!

First out is Best Poster In The Games Section, aka The Geek Award! The Nominees are: Mike, Quagmire and GM ???




Mike with 21 votes!


(Mike calmly walks up the stage, grabs the award and the mic)

Mike: Take that Quagmire you Geordie bastard, and Towelie you sneaky Swedish Motherfucker :snod:




Ketsbaia: Congratulations there. Moving on, we've got the award for the funniest poster. All the nominees in this award has made us smile, or made us piss our pants with laughter, and all deserves an award, but of course, there can be only one. The nominees are: JayJaySea, Interpolic and LBW.




LANKYBELLWIPE with 10 votes!


LBW: Trying to be funny in this award category is like trying to be Jonothan Woss... Trying too hard!!  have nothing to say here, but thanks for you support, and heres looking to another year of the utterance of complete, nonsensical bollocks!




Ketsbaia: :lol: Funny bloke him! Congratulations sir! Three awards to go now, and now it gets really interesting! It's the awards for Best Poster in the NUFC Forum, Best Poster in General Chat and Best Overall Poster! To just be nominated in any of these categories should be seen as a massive honour, but to win, now that is something you will tell your grand kids about!

Let's start with our award for Best Poster in General Chat! To win this one, your posts must always be worth a read, whether it is because they are interesting or funny. The winner in this award will during the year have debated Michael Jackson, religion, films and Big Brother. He will have had to have given us some rants in the Pet Hates Thread, told us what mood he is in and what music he listens to. The nominees are: LBW, GM (currently known as Kemosabe) and Keefaz. Best of luck to all of you fine gentlemen, and remember, you have all beaten some tough competition to be one of the final three in this category.




Last years winner, and defender of the title: LANKYBELLWIPE with 19 votes!


LBW: "Well it certainly is nice to know that my Genreal Chat input is fondly received by the fantastic guys on this forum. I was quite thrilled to have got top spot last year, and it is great to note that my friends here still do not hate me! (too much more)

Thanks for the votes. My life would be but a shell without my boy and the boys and girls in here!"




Ketsbaia: Touching stuff there man, you know you deserve it!


(Shouts are heard in the back rows, which interrupts the ceremony. GM and Pilko are both busy fighting with Towelie and Kaizero trying to drag them off towards two miniature models of the Angel of the North that they've put up in the back.)


Ketsbaia: Looks like somebody is getting crucified! Oh well, our second last award of the night is coming up. This is for the Best Poster In The NUFC-Forum! This award goes to the person who has debated tirelessly, day and night, about who should play where, given us the player ratings after the game, and last but not least, told us all about what type of man Mike Ashley is and whether Keegan was right to have walked out. To win this, not only do you have to know your football, but you must be able to debate it in a manner that people will find interesting and you need to come up with good arguments that people will agree with. The nominees are: ohmelads, Kid Icarus and Ronaldo. I can tell you now, that it is a tie between the third and second place with 9 votes each and the winner getting 12 out of 63 votes.






(Unfortunately ohmelads could not attend tonights ceremony. We haven't got any official word as to why, but we are expecting he is giving Derek Llambias a piece of his mind in trying to prepare him for an eventual season in the Premiership next year.)




Ketsbaia: So, one last award to go, the one you've all been waiting for! The Best Overall Poster of 2009. The best of the best. It's not enough to know just your football or just your politics. You need to be an expert in both. You are the one other posters will always look to see what you've written, no matter what part of the forum you've posted in. You need to be helpful and you need to entertain the geeks in the games section. You need humour, wit and a sharp mind to last you in the General Chat section you need to be able to follow tons of different television series and be able to debate them. You need to know everything about Ashley, Llambias and Kinnear. You need to be able to spell Chris Hughton. You need to know how to use paint for the Football in Paint thread and it's General Chat counterpart. You need to know how many goals Kevin Nolan has scored and how many bookings Alan Smith has received, and most importantly, you must never, ever post a link to an illegal stream. The nominees for Best Overall Poster are: Dave, Pilko and Keefaz. The third place finisher here got 8 votes, while the runner up only lost out by a single vote, getting 13 compared to the winners 14. The total number of votes were 67. Two of the nominees have won awards earlier tonight and one of them has not; will we have a new winner or will Pilko or Dave get to get on this stage again?






(Keefaz walks up the stage and grabs his award)


Keefaz: http://i50.tinypic.com/11r7nfp.gif




Ketsbaia: Congratulations to you, and all the other winners of tonights award ceremony! That's it for me, thanks for having me! Please welcome back Andreas Andersson and Ronny Johnsen!


(The Scandinavians comes back onto the stage, Andersson doesn't look like he's crying any more.)

Johnsen: That is pretty much it for this years award ceremony.

Andersson: We would like to thank everyone for attending and hope that you had a good time.

Johnsen: We would like to thank everyone for being patient as well, both with waiting for this to come up and for staying until the very end.

Both: Thank you for tonight, congratulations to all the winners and to the rest of you; Better luck this year!

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i suggest everyone switches off at five to and never come back. that'll learn 'em.

At least that'll save us the abuse we'll get for how shit it is :laugh:


True that.



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11pm is also conveniently Pilko's bedtime, so he won't see them until tomorrow.


I'm logging off at half ten, I'll see them tomorrow night. Who knows, it'll give me something to look forward to / complain about tomorrow.

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11pm is also conveniently Pilko's bedtime, so he won't see them until tomorrow.


I'm logging off at half ten, I'll see them tomorrow night. Who knows, it'll give me something to look forward to / complain about tomorrow.


Are you actually going to bed? I was joking, man. :lol:

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11pm is also conveniently Pilko's bedtime, so he won't see them until tomorrow.


I'm logging off at half ten, I'll see them tomorrow night. Who knows, it'll give me something to look forward to / complain about tomorrow.


Are you actually going to bed? I was joking, man. :lol:


I'll be going to bed at about 11 with the telly on. If I stay on here any later than sort of 10.30 on a weeknight I pay the price the next day, as I'll stay here till the early hours and then be shattered the morning after.

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Guest icemanblue

I'm not arsed at all about the awards. I just enjoyed taking the piss out of the hurdy gurdy gayboys (copyright, whoever it was). Sad it'll be over soon.

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