Pilko Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 A relatively rough bar in Liverpool. Scouse is sitting there nursing his lager and in comes this gay bloke, camp as tits. He sidles up to the bar and brushes past Scouse on his way to the toilet, cooing into his ear, "Follow me and I'll give you a blowjob". In a heartbeat he's been punched several times in the face, picked up by his throat and launched over a table, where he lies in a pool of blood. "Fuck me Scouse" says the barman, "You fucking nutter, what did he say to you?" Scouse sits down and picks up his pint. "I don't know, he said something about a job." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newcastle Fan Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 The first two ones are brilliant, well done Pilko Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LucaAltieri Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 The first two ones are brilliant, well done Pilko I'm not usually a grammar nazi but that is just painful. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liam Liam Liam O Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 What's the difference between Jam and Marmelade? You can't marmelade your cock up a girls arse. That made me choke on me ham and peasepudding roll. Wasn't expecting it. nufc_kev went to see Jimmy Carr over the weekend I reckon Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nufc_kev Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 What's the difference between Jam and Marmelade? You can't marmelade your cock up a girls arse. That made me choke on me ham and peasepudding roll. Wasn't expecting it. nufc_kev went to see Jimmy Carr over the weekend I reckon Gold Star for LLLO Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
madras Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 What's the difference between Jam and Marmelade? You can't marmelade your cock up a girls arse. i'll bet you can. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GM Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 What's the difference between Jam and Marmelade? You can't marmelade your cock up a girls arse. i'll bet you can. Good lad. I'll be that's what Paddington Bear does, tbh. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LucaAltieri Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 What's the difference between Jam and Marmelade? You can't marmelade your cock up a girls arse. i'll bet you can. Good lad. I'll be that's what Paddington Bear does, tbh. "Paddington swaps his marmalade for Marmite" http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/children/article2442002.ece You either love it or hate it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GM Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Paddington Bear drives his Love Juggernaut up the Marmite Tunnel? Bet that smarts a tad. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toon Saint Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 Get your money on Martina Navratilova to win 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here 2008'. Don't forget that she's been eating out of the bush for years now. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GM Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Get your money on Martina Navratilova to win 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here 2008'. Don't forget that she's been eating out of the bush for years now. Odd. I heard she prefers it shaved... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris P Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 whats the difference between marmalade and jam. you can't marmalade your cock up your misses arse Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GM Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 You can't marmalade your cock up someone's arse... Even funnier when you see it for the second time on the same website. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decky Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 whats the difference between marmalade and jam. you can't marmalade your cock up your misses arse Smear you cock with marmalade, and it will slip up easy...... .... apparently Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueStar Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html Made me laugh anyway Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenny Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html Made me laugh anyway I don't know why I find that really funny Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nobody Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 That is brilliant Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sam Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
morgs Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 :lol: Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northerngimp Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Smear you cock with marmalade, and it will slip up easy...... .... apparently huh Nah, smear butter on, then its gans up lush. Butter is the key people......................................butter! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilko Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 A blonde and a brunette are about to rob a bank. They are sitting in the getaway car outside the bank. The brunette says: "So, can you remember the plan?" The blonde replies: "Yeah, no problem. I'll be five minutes. Have the car ready to go." So the blonde puts a panty hose over her head, grabs her gear and runs into the bank. The brunette waits, the car ready to drive off... five minutes elapse, and no sign of the blonde. Another five minutes, and still nothing. The brunette starts to panic, and just as she is about to go in and see what is taking so long, the blonde finally emerges from the bank. The brunette looked on in total disbelief. The blonde had tied a length of rope to the end of the big, heavy safe and was pulling it over her shoulder. The heavy safe was seriously weighing her down and although she was only about ten metres from the car, she couldn't move very fast at all. As she moved slowly closer to the car, suddenly a security guard ran out of the bank doors, with his pants around his ankles, screaming "STOP! THEIF!". Now the guard was quicker than the blonde, especially with the extra weight of the safe. The blonde realized what would happen and ditched the safe, ran over to the car, jumped in, and the brunette quickly sped away down the highway. Twenty minutes later, with the car safely locked up in a nearby garage, the brunette said: "What the hell just happened there?! I thought you said that you knew what the plan was?" And the blonde replied, "Sure I did. You told me to tie up the guard and blow the safe." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fugazi Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html Made me laugh anyway Reading some of the other articles at the moment: From: Richard Matthews Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 7.42pm To: David Thorne Subject: Rove Fuck you retard wydont you shut up! he dident ask for his gilrfriend to die so use your brain to work out how you would feel and just fucken shutup! From: David Thorne Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 8.04pm To: Richard Matthews Subject: Re: Rove Thankyou for your recommendation Dick, I am currently writing a television script that I think you would be perfect for, it features a genius of superior wit and intellect who uses his uncanny abilities to protect the innocent. Aided by his loyal pet, masturbating monkey, he endeavors to right wrongs and solve crimes. At the end of each episode he will leave us with a profound, thought provoking and politically correct statement such as "don't leave your pet in the car with the windows up" or "fuck you retard wydont you shut up". An important part of the character development as I see it, would be the developing relationship between yourself and masturbating monkey. The show will be titled 'Monkey Dick' (a combination of private dick and the pet monkey, similar to 'canine cop') and I do hope you will make yourself available for this opportunity. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decky Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Mrs Tevez goes to Man Utd's training ground to visit her son.... http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj75/japcarsandparts/Tevez.jpg Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenny Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 That one did the rounds at work yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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