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A relatively rough bar in Liverpool. Scouse is sitting there nursing his lager and in comes this gay bloke, camp as tits. He sidles up to the bar and brushes past Scouse on his way to the toilet, cooing into his ear, "Follow me and I'll give you a blowjob". In a heartbeat he's been punched several times in the face, picked up by his throat and launched over a table, where he lies in a pool of blood.

 

"Fuck me Scouse" says the barman, "You fucking nutter, what did he say to you?"

Scouse sits down and picks up his pint. "I don't know, he said something about a job."

 

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Guest nufc_kev

What's the difference between Jam and Marmelade?

 

You can't marmelade your cock up a girls arse.

 

That made me choke on me ham and peasepudding roll. Wasn't expecting it.

 

nufc_kev went to see Jimmy Carr over the weekend I reckon O0

 

Gold Star for LLLO  ;)

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Guest LucaAltieri

What's the difference between Jam and Marmelade?

 

You can't marmelade your cock up a girls arse.

i'll bet you can.

 

Good lad. :lol:

 

I'll be that's what Paddington Bear does, tbh.  :snod:

 

 

 

"Paddington swaps his marmalade for Marmite"

 

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/children/article2442002.ece

 

 

You either love it or hate it.

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Guest Toon Saint

Get your money on Martina Navratilova to win 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here 2008'.

 

Don't forget that she's been eating out of the bush for years now.

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Get your money on Martina Navratilova to win 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here 2008'.

 

Don't forget that she's been eating out of the bush for years now.

 

Odd. I heard she prefers it shaved...

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A blonde and a brunette are about to rob a bank. They are sitting in the getaway car outside the bank. The brunette says:

 

"So, can you remember the plan?"

 

The blonde replies:

 

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be five minutes. Have the car ready to go."

 

So the blonde puts a panty hose over her head, grabs her gear and runs into the bank. The brunette waits, the car ready to drive off... five minutes elapse, and no sign of the blonde. Another five minutes, and still nothing. The brunette starts to panic, and just as she is about to go in and see what is taking so long, the blonde finally emerges from the bank.

 

The brunette looked on in total disbelief. The blonde had tied a length of rope to the end of the big, heavy safe and was pulling it over her shoulder. The heavy safe was seriously weighing her down and although she was only about ten metres from the car, she couldn't move very fast at all. As she moved slowly closer to the car, suddenly a security guard ran out of the bank doors, with his pants around his ankles, screaming "STOP! THEIF!". Now the guard was quicker than the blonde, especially with the extra weight of the safe. The blonde realized what would happen and ditched the safe, ran over to the car, jumped in, and the brunette quickly sped away down the highway.

 

Twenty minutes later, with the car safely locked up in a nearby garage, the brunette said: "What the hell just happened there?! I thought you said that you knew what the plan was?"

 

And the blonde replied, "Sure I did. You told me to tie up the guard and blow the safe."

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http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

 

Made me laugh anyway :lol:

 

:lol:

 

Reading some of the other articles at the moment:

 

From: Richard Matthews

Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 7.42pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Rove

 

Fuck you retard wydont you shut up! he dident ask for his gilrfriend to die so use your brain to work out how you would feel and just fucken shutup!

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 8.04pm

To: Richard Matthews

Subject: Re: Rove

 

Thankyou for your recommendation Dick, I am currently writing a television script that I think you would be perfect for, it features a genius of superior wit and intellect who uses his uncanny abilities to protect the innocent. Aided by his loyal pet, masturbating monkey, he endeavors to right wrongs and solve crimes. At the end of each episode he will leave us with a profound, thought provoking and politically correct statement such as "don't leave your pet in the car with the windows up" or "fuck you retard wydont you shut up". An important part of the character development as I see it, would be the developing relationship between yourself and masturbating monkey. The show will be titled 'Monkey Dick' (a combination of private dick and the pet monkey, similar to 'canine cop') and I do hope you will make yourself available for this opportunity.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Mrs Tevez goes to Man Utd's training ground to visit her son....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj75/japcarsandparts/Tevez.jpg

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