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Embarrassing sex experiences


Rocker
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We've all had them. Well I've had a few anyway.

 

Stuck me finger in some lasses arse and she must've recently moved ones bowels and left me a stinking finger. Still carried on like.

 

Shagged my ex when she was on the blob, and must've shagged her with such force I had her cycle all over me cream walls.

 

Stotted my bonce against the shower head when doing my lass in the shower, split my head open about an inch and knocked the tap so the water ran red hot. Scolded the pair of us.

 

 

 

These are the few I can remember vividly. Probably more. Gonna have a think now.

 

 

Anyone wanna share?  :troll:

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When I was very young (maybe 17) and not getting that much I slept with this lass about 4 times and every time I was barely in before it went off.

 

Too embarrassing?

 

Nah, I left all the REALLY embarrassing things out of mine to be honest. Just incase I shag someone off the forum...  :pow:

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was smashing this lasses pasty after a heavy night on the lash. was that pissed i barely knew what i was doing. just i blew my load I let rip with a massive bottom burp and stank the place out badly.

 

wasnt feeling overly well once, so a kind lass came round to "nurse me" had a bifta with her and then got down to shagging.

was doing her doggy and spewed on her back (did warn her i wasnt feeling well)

 

 

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was smashing this lasses pasty after a heavy night on the lash. was that pissed i barely knew what i was doing. just i blew my load I let rip with a massive bottom burp and stank the place out badly.

 

wasnt feeling overly well once, so a kind lass came round to "nurse me" had a bifta with her and then got down to shagging.

was doing her doggy and spewed on her back (did warn her i wasnt feeling well)

 

 

 

 

Brilliant. Love both of those. Poor bitches!

 

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When I was at Leeds Uni I was proper mortal by about 10 o'clock so went home for a wank and a kip.  My flatmates and a few lasses from the flats upstairs came back to ours, one of which had said she liked me but we'd not done anything about it yet.  Anyway my flatmate came into my room as I'd left it unlocked, and I was apparently lying there passed out with my erect cock in my hand, so the cunt went and found that lass and said "Neil's got something to say to you" so she came in and well, you know, saw my cock and all that.  The point at which it sounds like I made this up is when I tell you that I came round and ended up shagging her that night, but I can assure you that this is in fact true. :lol:

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this lass and i had been trying to get together for a while we were quite good friends and never seemed to be single at the same time together in order to make something happen. when we eventually got to that point we had met up in a club and ended up stoned and pissed and headed back to hers. got all hot and heavy got down to her knicker and was about to whip them off when she kindly informed me that she was on the rag but didn't mind me "rainbow kissing" her if i didn't. I went from hard as nails to soft as muck in record time. she then spent the next 10 minutes trying to suck me off to get me hard again and but it wasnt happening.

 

dropped some acid and went round my lasses place (she didnt know i was tripping) got physical and she was riding me. at some point i got distracted by the shadows being thrown on the wall by the candle light and i forgot i was shagging and tried to roll over. then got a massive fright when i realised there was a naked woman on top of me who did not look amused. it took my drug addled brain a few seconds to register the slap she gave me

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Remember kicking my lass off me cos I thought I'd lost a testicle. I felt it move up and thought 'shit!', and panicked so much I kicked her off me. She was foaming.  :lol:

 

She liked it?  :pow:

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this lass and i had been trying to get together for a while we were quite good friends and never seemed to be single at the same time together in order to make something happen. when we eventually got to that point we had met up in a club and ended up stoned and pissed and headed back to hers. got all hot and heavy got down to her knicker and was about to whip them off when she kindly informed me that she was on the rag but didn't mind me "rainbow kissing" her if i didn't. I went from hard as nails to soft as muck in record time. she then spent the next 10 minutes trying to suck me off to get me hard again and but it wasnt happening.

 

dropped some acid and went round my lasses place (she didnt know i was tripping) got physical and she was riding me. at some point i got distracted by the shadows being thrown on the wall by the candle light and i forgot i was shagging and tried to roll over. then got a massive fright when i realised there was a naked woman on top of me who did not look amused. it took my drug addled brain a few seconds to register the slap she gave me

 

Awesome :lol:

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this lass and i had been trying to get together for a while we were quite good friends and never seemed to be single at the same time together in order to make something happen. when we eventually got to that point we had met up in a club and ended up stoned and pissed and headed back to hers. got all hot and heavy got down to her knicker and was about to whip them off when she kindly informed me that she was on the rag but didn't mind me "rainbow kissing" her if i didn't. I went from hard as nails to soft as muck in record time. she then spent the next 10 minutes trying to suck me off to get me hard again and but it wasnt happening.

 

dropped some acid and went round my lasses place (she didnt know i was tripping) got physical and she was riding me. at some point i got distracted by the shadows being thrown on the wall by the candle light and i forgot i was shagging and tried to roll over. then got a massive fright when i realised there was a naked woman on top of me who did not look amused. it took my drug addled brain a few seconds to register the slap she gave me

 

Christ!

 

 

 

Oh, and I'm nee serial shagger. I've never had a one night stand. Unfortunately.

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I've had some real ropey ones, to the point I am hammered, horny as fuck and still thought "why the fuck am I doing this!?". Had sex a few times when I really didn't want to but thought "well I have to now really, don't I?" heart of gold me :lol:

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Had some lasses bastard border collie bust in her room and jump on the bed when I was going at her.  Had to carry the fucker out bollock naked.  Couldn't keep a stonk on after that so made her phone me a taxi home because 'my mam will be wondering where I am.' 

 

I really don't think well under pressure.

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Had some lasses bastard border collie bust in her room and jump on the bed when I was going at her.  Had to carry the fucker out bollock naked.  Couldn't keep a stonk on after that so made her phone me a taxi home because 'my mam will be wondering where I am.' 

 

I really don't think well under pressure.

 

:lol:

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Blew my load before even getting it in. Was 15 tbf and she was pretty hot. Didnt even know it was possible, was getting me self right worked up about it for a few hours until we went upstairs which attributed to it.

 

Very luckily though i still had my jumper on and my nob was sort of erect underneath and so it squirted out of view and on to the inside of my jumper and she never found out.

 

Me being young and horny though sucked her tits and that for a few minutes until i got my jazz back and done deed which lasted pretty long.

 

The jumper was kicked so far under my bed it came out of the other side, i was so embarrassed.

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Have also done the on the blob thing. Didn't know because I was very pissed but by bed was a murder scene.

 

You mean when they're on their period? Done that before like, was fucking awful. Was on her Mam and Dad's bedroom floor as well, which was a cream fucking carpet, stains all over. She's still got some of my clothes that were stained off it as well actually. :lol: Literally felt like I had commited a serious crime after all that like.

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I also feel thoroughly neglected sexually reading the stories of some of you guys lol. One near miss I just remembered was doing my ex at the hotel which I worked at the time and one of the cleaners started to open the door mid flow safe to say I shouted get out pretty quick. I did nearly piss myself and have a certain smugness when sat in the staff meeting not long after still with the taste of pussy on my lips lol.

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I remember taking a picture of one of my ex's while I did her doggy style. Proper close-up of her ringpiece ( unintentional).

 

 

She saw it on my phone a few weeks later and was so embarrassed she cried...  :blush:

 

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I've had some real ropey ones, to the point I am hammered, horny as fuck and still thought "why the fuck am I doing this!?". Had sex a few times when I really didn't want to but thought "well I have to now really, don't I?" heart of gold me :lol:

 

That was like me on Saturday. Was actually bored as fuck, never thought I could be bored during sex tbh. :lol:

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Blew my load before even getting it in. Was 15 tbf and she was pretty hot. Didnt even know it was possible, was getting me self right worked up about it for a few hours until we went upstairs which attributed to it.

 

Very luckily though i still had my jumper on and my nob was sort of erect underneath and so it squirted out of view and on to the inside of my jumper and she never found out.

 

Me being young and horny though sucked her tits and that for a few minutes until i got my jazz back and done deed which lasted pretty long. a,

The jumper was kicked so far under my bed it came out of the other side, i was so embarrassed.

 

Chilvary. Haha, class.

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Was getting drunk with a girl who I'd been flirting with for some time. One thing let to another and we mutually decided it would be appropriate to be somewhere more private and naked. I was flat-sitting for a mate for a few days so we went round there. It was all good fun until the bed made a fucking enormous CRACK and went from this |----| to this |\__/| We concluded matters elsewhere. I managed to bodge it the next day and it was forgotten about for a while until a few weeks later when he told a story in the pub about how his mam had gone round, knelt on the bed to open the curtains and the fucking thing collapsed underneath her.

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