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The ALL NEW American TV Season (11/12)


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New shows (with some random dudes comments):


Ringer (CW)

Premieres Tuesday, September 13, 9pm

What Is It? Sarah Michelle Geller returns to TV to play a poor woman who is on the run and starts impersonating her posh twin sister when she goes missing. Sounds confusing—and kickass.

Should You Watch It? Oh, hell yes!


H8R (CW)

Premieres Wednesday, September 14, 8pm

What Is It? A celebrity confronts a real life schmo who talked crap about them on the internet and makes him (or her) say it to his (or her) face. Snooki and Kim Kardashian are already on board.

Should You Watch It? This will probably get old fast, but it will be cute for a few episodes.


Up All Night (NBC)

Premieres Wednesday, September 14, 10pm

What Is It? Underappreciated comedic actors Will Arnett and Christina Applegate play new parents trying to balance their social and professional lives with a new kid. Maya Rudolph is part of a strong supporting cast.

Should You Watch It? Though the concept threatens to get staler than a 3-day-old used Pamper, Arnett and Applegate are always a treat.


Free Agents (NBC)

Premieres Wednesday, September 14, 10:30pm

What Is It? Hank Azaria and Kathryn Hahn play PR agents who have a drunken one night stand and then have to keep working together.

Should You Watch It? If you want to watch this then you've never had to deal with PR people.


The Secret Circle (CW)

Premieres Thursday, September 15, 9pm

What Is It? The Vampire Diaries with witches.

Should You Watch It? If you are under 18, it's social suicide not to. If you're older, well, there are a lot worse things you could be watching. Like Grey's Anatomy.


2 Broke Girls (CBS)

Premieres Monday, September 19, 9:30pm

What Is It? A rich girl has to get a job at a diner after her Daddy Warbucks is locked in jail and she ends up moving in with the poor girl she works with at the diner.

Should You Watch It? This has a laugh track and is written by Michael Patrick King, who we still haven't forgiven for Sex and the City 2: Menopause Never Sleeps. So, no.


The Playboy Club (NBC)

Premieres Monday, September 19, 10pm

What Is It? It's like Mad Men but with skimpier costumes, worse writing, and Eddie Cibrian. Damn, he's hot. But he plays some fancy playboy who helps a waitress cover up a murder after she kills a guy with her high heel in the first episode. Yes, with her high heel. That is a real thing. Watch the trailer!

Should You Watch It? Does Hugh Hefner have a smooth nutsack?


New Girl (FOX)

Premieres Tuesday, September 20, 9pm

What Is It? Indie movie vegan singer Zooey Deschanel gets dumped by her boyfriend and moves in with three bachelors have have to teach her how to find love again. No party animals were harmed in the making of this show.

Should You Watch It? This looks like it has the potential to be funny, but it also looks like you might want to claw Zooey's face off after 10 minutes.


Unforgettable (CBS)

Premieres Tuesday, September 20, 10pm

What Is It? Poppy Montgomery (NCISCSIBVD: Special Victims Unit New York) plays a detective who solves crime—with her memory. Yes, she's a crime solver with a photographic memory. Why not just make her a witch or something cool? Zombie? Vampire? No. She can remember things. Criminals beware!

Should You Watch It? You should forget it entirely.


Revenge (ABC)

Premieres Wednesday, September 21, 10pm

What Is It? That girl from Brothers & Sisters goes to the Hamptons to get revenge on the woman she blames for tearing her family apart by becoming a part of her world and marrying her son.

Should You Watch It? We really need a new sudsy show to replace the over-picked carcass of Gossip Girl, but something about this just seems a bit off.


Charlie's Angels (ABC)

Premieres Thursday, September 22, 8pm

What Is It? Three hot chicks (this time Minka Kelly, Rachael Taylor and Annie Ilonzeh) fighting crime, just like the original. Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.

Should You Watch It? Sure, if you're a teenage boy who doesn't have Skinemax. Actually, this has a shot to be fun, but consider our skepticism high.

Whitney (NBC)

Premieres Thursday, September 22, 9:30pm

What Is It? Comedian Whitney Cummings plays an annoying girl with a boyfriend and she annoys people and its supposed to be funny like she's Larry David or something, but she's not.

Should You Watch It? Our enthusiasm is completely curbed.

Person of Interest (CBS)

Premieres Thursday, September 22, and 9pm

What Is It? Created by J.J. Abrams and Jonathan Nolan (brother of Inception's Christopher) this psychic spy series follows a billionaire who developed software that can predict who is going to be involved in crime. He teams up with a former CIA agent to help prevent crime from ever happening again. As things usually do when Mr. Abrams is involved, mysteries will sprout from mysteries.

Should You Watch It? My interest is high.


Prime Suspect (NBC)

Premieres Thursday, September 22, 10pm

What Is It? Maria Bellow takes over the role of tough lady detective Jane Timoney that earned Helen Mirren an Emmy or two. She's fighting crime and a sexiest police department with her scowling ways.

Should You Watch It? The original series (a PBS staple) was great, but something about Bello in this role seems grating. Give it an episode or three before deciding if it sucks.


A Gifted Man (CBS)

Premieres Friday, September 23, 8pm

What Is It? It's Ghost Whisperer, M.D.Patrick Wilson plays a doctor who talks to the ghost of his dead wife and, I don't know, stuff happens.

Should You Watch It? If you do, I wouldn’t get too attached.


Pan Am (ABC)

Premieres Sunday, September 25, 10pm

What Is It? The lives and loves of a group of '60s stewardesses (we can call them that, right?) who work for the airline. It's Mad Men with more ladies, and Christina Ricci!

Should You Watch It? Simply, yes.


Terra Nova (FOX)

Premieres Monday, September 26, 8pm

What Is It? This much-delayed project from Steven Spielberg is about a family that leave a dystopian future to go back to prehistoric times to find a way to save their dying planet. Dinosaur chases abound.

Should You Watch It? It looks dramatic, expensive, and pretty damn cool.


Hart of Dixie (CW)

Premieres Monday, September 26, 9pm

What Is It? Rachel Bilson returns to TV (did we miss her or something?) as a fancy doctor who has to go down south and open a medical practice. It's called Southern Exposure.

Should You Watch It? Eh, just watch those ice cream ads Bilson made with Karl Lagerfeld instead.


Suburgatory (ABC)

Premieres Wednesday, September 28, 8:30pm

What Is It? A teenage girl has to leave her hip home in the city for the suburbs when her father finds a box of condoms in her dresser. Would he rather find that or a baby in her uterus? Hmm? Lots of jokes about how the suburbs suck ensue.

Should You Watch It? Those of us that wanted to escape the suburbs already have. Why go back?


How to Be a Gentleman (CBS)

Premieres Thursday, September 29, 8:30pm

What Is It? Bert's a man's man, Andrew's a gentleman. This fall they will teach each other a little bit about becoming a better man!

Should You Watch It? No.


Homeland (SHO)

Premieres Sunday, October 2, 10pm

What Is It? Claire Danes plays a skeptical CIA agent investigating the preternatural length of her eyebrows or some other sort of spooky CIA black-ops in Baghdad type stuff. Oh, Mandy Patinkin is there too. Maybe he'll sing some Sondheim.

Should You Watch It? I have a feeling this is one of those shows people will watch and I won't and they'll be all like "You have to watch Homeland," and their insistence will make me not want to so I'll never watch it and then like four seasons in I'll decide to watch them all on DVD and think, "God, you are such an asshole for not watching this show when it started." I have a feeling it will be like that. Or not.


American Horror Story (FX)

Premieres Wednesday, October 5, 10pm

What Is It? A couple (Dylan McDermott and Connie Britton of Friday Night Lights fame) move to L.A. and move into a house that is haunted by ghosts or something. Jessica Lange, Zachary Quinto, and Dennis O'Hare are also involved, so the cast is shaping up to be, uh, killer.

Should You Watch It? This was created by Ryan Murphy (Nip/Tuck, Glee), so it will be awesome for eight episodes, then start to suck and then there will be a serial killer and then we'll all roll our eyes and say, "Remember when American Horror Story was good?" That will all happen in season one.


Enlightened (HBO)

Premieres Monday, October 10, 9:30pm

What Is It? Screenwriter Mike White's comedy about a woman (Laura Dern, back from the dead) who has a spiritual reawakening in rehab and now wants to convert her intire family, including her mother (played by Dern's real life mother Diane Ladd).

Should You Watch It? Yes, but HBO on a Monday? Weird.


Last Man Standing (ABC)

Premieres Tuesday, October 11, 8pm

What Is It? Sitcom starring Tim Allen, previously titled “Man Up” and “Last Days of Man.” While Mike is king of the hill at work, he's the odd man out in a home that is dominated by women -- namely his wife, Vanessa, and their three daughters, 22- year-old Kristin, 17-year-old Mandy and 14-year-old Eve. After being a stay-at-home mom for years, Vanessa recently returned to the workplace and was quickly promoted (much to the dismay of her primarily male co-workers). As a result of Vanessa's increased work load, Mike is pulled into more hands-on parenting than ever before.

Should You Watch It? It looks like Home Improvement for women.


Man Up (ABC)

Premieres Tuesday, October 18, 8:30

What Is It? Three guys have to learn how to be men again. Yes, because that is the number one problem facing America today: how men aren't allowed to be fat and play video games and scream in public and slag off on their wives and kids. God, it is so hard to be straight, white, and male, isn't it? Assholes.

Should You Watch It? How many shows about learning to be better men do we need this season?


Grimm (NBC)

Premieres Friday, October 21, 9pm

What Is It? Some kid who used to be on MTV's The Gauntlet plays a detective who is the last in the long line of monster hunters and he has to hunt monsters with his magic powers. Well, it's better than being a detective with lots of memory power.

Should You Watch It? It's Friday, Friday, Gotta get down on Friday. Also, Friday night death slot.


Once Upon a Time (ABC)

Premieres Sunday, October 23, 8pm


What Is It? A town in Maine is actually filled with characters from fairy tales, and they slowly awaken and start to figure out who they really are.

Should You Watch It? This could be cute, especially if you have kids. But don't get too invested.


Allen Gregory (FOX)

Premieres Sunday, October 30, at 8:30pm

What Is It? The latest addition to their all-animated Sunday night features a super precocious millionaire kid who is forced to attend second grade with the rest of the plebs. Johan Hill does the voice.

Should You Watch It? This doesn't look half bad, and it makes it even better that you don't actually have to look at Jonah Hill.


Hell on Wheels (AMC)

Premieres Sunday, November 6, 10pm

What Is It? Cable's biggest prestige network (sorry HBO) goes all Western on our asses with this show about the building of the Continental Railroad. Because that is boring, there is also a story about a Confederate soldier out for vengeance against the Yanks who killed his wife.

Should You Watch It? If you don't then you hate the south and you hate America. Just remember that.

I Hate My Teenage Daughter (FOX)

Premieres Wednesday, November 23, 9:30pm

What Is It? Jamie Pressley and (Tony winner) Katie Finneran play two middle-aged mothers who hate the mean girls their bitchy daughters have turned into and try to reform them while also trying to befriend them.

Should You Watch It? It seems really stupid, but I said the same thing about Raising Hope last year, and was totally wrong, so, who knows, maybe it will be good. Also, Jamie Pressley.


Returning shows (thanks to Sifu):


Calendar of season/series premieres:


Saturday, September 3rd, 2011


The High Low Project Series Premiere (HGTV)


I Faked My Own Death Series Premiere (Discovery)


Sunday, September 4th, 2011


All-American Handyman Season Two Premiere (HGTV)


9/11: Heroes Of The 88th Floor (TLC)


Tuesday, September 6th, 2011


Unleashed By Garo Series Premiere (Sundance)


The Rachel Zoe Project Season Four Premiere (Bravo)


Sons Of Anarchy Season Premiere (FX)


Saturday, September 10th, 2011


Cops Season Premiere (Fox)


Dina's Party Series Premiere (HGTV)


Donna Decorates Dallas Series Premiere (HGTV)


Sunday, September 11th, 2011


Football Night In America Season Premiere (NBC)


Sunday Night Football Season Premiere (NBC)


Monday, September 12th, 2011


Show House Showdown Series Premiere (HGTV)


HGTV Design Star Season Finale (HGTV)


Tuesday, September 13th, 2011


90210 Season Premiere (The CW)


Ringer Series Premiere (The CW)


Parenthood Season Premiere (NBC)


Wednesday, September 14th, 2011


H8R Series Premiere (The CW)


America's Next Top Model Season Premiere (The CW)


America's Got Talent Season Finale (NBC)


Up All Night Series Premiere (NBC)


Free Agents Series Premiere (NBC)


Survivor: South Pacific Season Premiere (CBS)


Thursday, September 15th, 2011


The Vampire Diaries Season Premiere (The CW)


The Secret Circle Series Premiere (The CW)


It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Season Premiere (FX)


Archer Season Premiere (FX)


Friday, September 16th, 2011


20/20 Season Premiere (ABC)


Sunday, September 18th, 2011


63rd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards (Fox)


Monday, September 19th, 2011


Two And A Half Men Season Premiere (CBS)


Castle Season Premiere (ABC)


Dancing With The Stars Season Premiere (ABC)


2 Broke Girls Series Premiere (CBS)


The Sing-Off Season Premiere (NBC)


The Playboy Club Series Premiere (NBC)


How I Met Your Mother Season Premiere (CBS)


Hawaii Five-O Season Premiere (CBS)


Tuesday, September 20th, 2011


Glee Season Premiere (Fox)


New Girl Series Premiere (Fox)


Raising Hope Season Two Premiere (Fox)


Body of Proof Season Premiere (ABC)


Big Break Ireland Season Premiere (Golf Channel)


The Biggest Loser Season Premiere (NBC)


NCIS Season Premiere (CBS)


NCIS: Los Angeles Season Premiere (CBS)


Dancing With The Stars Results Show Season Preview (ABC)


Unforgettable Series Premiere (CBS)


Wednesday, September 21st, 2011


The X Factor Series Premiere (Fox)


The Middle Season Premiere (ABC)


Modern Family Season Premiere (ABC)


Revenge Series Premiere (ABC)


Up All Night (regular time period debut with original episode) (NBC)


Free Agents (regular time period debut with original episode) (NBC)


Harry’s Law Season Two Premiere (NBC)


Law & Order: Special Victims Unit Season Premiere (NBC)


Criminal Minds Season Premiere (CBS)


CSI Season Premiere (CBS)


Thursday, September 22nd, 2011


Charlie's Angels Series Premiere (ABC)


Grey's Anatomy Season Premiere (ABC)


All My Children Finale (ABC)


Community Season Three Premiere (NBC)


Whitney Series Premiere (NBC)


Parks And Recreation Season Premiere (NBC)


The Office Season Premiere (NBC)


Prime Suspect Series Premiere (NBC)


The Big Bang Theory Season Premiere (CBS)


Person Of Interest Series Premiere (CBS)


Whitney Series Premiere (NBC)


The Mentalist Season Premiere (CBS)


Friday, September 23rd, 2011


Nikita Season Premiere (The CW)


Supernatural Season Premiere (The CW)


A Gifted Man Series Premiere (CBS)


Fringe Season Premiere (Fox)


Kitchen Nightmares Season Premiere (Fox)


Dateline Season Premiere (NBC)


Blue Bloods Season Two Premiere (CBS)


CSI: NY Season Premiere (CBS)


Saturday, September 24th, 2011


Rules Of Engagement Season Premiere (CBS)


48 Hours Mystery Season Premiere (CBS)


Sunday, September 25th, 2011


The Simpsons Season Premiere (Fox)


The Cleveland Show Season Premiere (Fox)


Family Guy Season Premiere (Fox)


American Dad Season Premiere (Fox)


Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Season Premiere (ABC)


Desperate Housewives Season Premiere (ABC)


Pan Am Series Premiere (ABC)


UNCF: An Evening Of Stars (BET)


CSI: Miami Season Premiere (CBS)


60 Minutes Season Premiere (CBS)


Amazing Race Season Premiere (CBS)


The Good Wife Season Premiere (CBS)


Monday, September 26th, 2011


Gossip Girl Season Premiere (The CW)


Hart Of Dixie Series Premiere (The CW)


Terra Nova Series Premiere (Fox)


Mike And Molly Season Two Premiere (CBS)


Wednesday, September 28th, 2011


Suburgatory Series Premiere (ABC)


Happy Endings Season Premiere (ABC)


Thursday, September 29th, 2011


Private Practice Season Premiere (ABC)


How To Be A Gentleman Series Premiere (CBS)


Saturday, October 1st, 2011


Free Agents Series Premiere (BBC America)


Sunday, October 2nd, 2011


America's Funniest Home Videos Season Premiere (ABC)


Prohibition Premiere (PBS)


Homeland Series Premiere (Showtime)


Dexter Season Six Premiere (Showtime)


Monday October 3rd, 2011


House Season Eight Premiere (Fox)


Tuesday, October 4th, 2011


Gene Simmons Family Jewels Season Premiere (A&E)


Wednesday, October 5th, 2011


American Horror Story Series Premiere (FX)


South Park (Comedy Central)


Thursday, October 6th, 2011


The League Season Premiere (FX)


Saturday, October 8th, 2011


Bedlam Series Premiere (BBC America)


Monday, October 10th, 2011


The Rosie Show Series Premiere (OWN)


OWN Your Life Series Premiere (OWN)


Tuesday, October 11th, 2011


Last Man Standing Series Premiere (ABC)


Friday, October 14th, 2011


PBS Arts Fall Festival Premiere (PBS)


Sunday, October 16th, 2011


The Walking Dead Season Two Premiere (AMC)


Tuesday, October 18th, 2011


Man Up! Series Premiere (ABC)


Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

Nature Season Premiere (PBS)


Friday, October 21st, 2011


Boss Series Premiere (Starz)


Thicker Than Water: The Marinos (Bravo)


Chuck Season Premiere (NBC)


Grimm Series Premiere (NBC)


Dateline Season Premiere (NBC)


Sunday, October 23rd, 2011


Once Upon A Time Series Premiere (ABC)


Sunday, October 30th, 2011


Allen Gregory Series Premiere (Fox)


Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011


Braxton Family Values Season Two Premiere (WEtv)


Thursday, November 3rd, 2011


Bones  Season Premiere (Fox)


Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011


I Hate My Teenage Daughter Series Premiere (Fox)


Thursday, November 24th, 2011


Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (NBC)


Saturday, December 17th, 2011


Saturday Night Live, Hosted By Jimmy Fallon (NBC)


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All those shows sound terrible, especially the Spielberg one.


Didn't want to say it because of the commendable effort of the OP, but :no:


When the HBO one looks bad, it's worrying times for the rest of the field!

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Last ever Entourage tonight. Might be going on right about now even.


Somewhat sad, but at the same time I love it when American shows give themselves a proper ending instead of running stories and characters into the ground.

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