Jump to content

Serious question/scenario....what would you do/think?


Jay Jay Sea
 Share

Recommended Posts

Appreciate genuine thoughts from folks. Here's the scenario.

 

Your in a relationship and it's been going well for about a year, maybe longer. You work in the same dept as your partner who is of a senior grade. You have been invited for interview for the same grade (on promotion). Now, competion is fierce. There were 196 applicants for 6 jobs across 4 regions so there might only be 1 or 2 posts in Newcastle. The shortlist of candidates of which i am one is 30 in total but you understand that your real competion is working in the same room/dept as you but that's not a problem. 

 

Here's the crunch.  Your partner, despite you having an interview next week and whilst she really wants/needs you to get this job for all of the benefits of extra money, moving in, etc, etc has arranged to help someone who is in DIRECT competion with you for one of the posts. When i say 'help' has spent an hour going through a mock interview and another hour telling him exactly what the panel are looking for in interview (we know the questions before we go in).

 

Your partner hasn't told you that they had arranged this.

 

This person is competion. Have i lost the plot here? I can't even return her calls.  I literally feel a little betrayed. What if he gets the job by 1 point as a result of her help and i miss out? What then? I expected her to say to him 'sorry, my partner is in for the same job and i really want him to get it, there's a conflict of interest, hope you understand but good luck'. 

 

Have i got that wrong? The majority, in fact i think all have said 'what the f*ck'? Why has she done that? Why would you do that? Surely you protect your partners interests? What if he gets the job and i don't? What then? I say to her 'oh well done for helping geting that fella the job, shame i missed out and i still can't afford to move in, share bills and a lot of other things that restrain the ability to move in.

 

I super f*cked-off here.  Worst i have been in a long long time but worry i've blown this out of proportion but it's really battered my head.  Not for a minute to a think anything is 'going on' either. Is this just mis-placed loyalty. I can't even concentrate on preparing for my interview, i'm so f*cked-off that she's done this.

 

I just can't get my head around it.

 

Appreciate thoughts.

JJC

Link to post
Share on other sites

To be honest I don't see awhat else she can do if iits a properly run organisation.  If its part of here job to support/develop her staff then helping them prepare for a major interview is something I would expect her to do. 

 

Imagine it was turned around and she helped you and not the other person and that came out.  There would be hell on.  "She got her partner a promotion at the expense of other candidates".

 

Its tough but the shit end of working with your partner.  i was in her position for a while and when we had the payround discussions I would just go to the toilet when she was being discussed.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The real world is full of favours, backscratching (backstabbing!) & charity towards favoured personel. Anyone who is idealistic / stupid enough to believe that we get where we are on merit has a strange perception of reality.

 

..& i dont consider this a subjective issue.

 

Without knowing the reasoning behind your partners decision to "help" this colleage its difficult for me to understand why the default position of "charity begins at home" etc. hasnt kicked in!.

 

I would have to be honest with her (Not that i`ve got good form for being honest to my missus mind!) & tell her exactly what I thought she should be doing & that should the roles be reversed, there would be no doubt where your allegencies lay.

 

Get her telt.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The real world is full of favours, backscratching (backstabbing!) & charity towards favoured personel. Anyone who is idealistic / stupid enough to believe that we get where we are on merit has a strange perception of reality.

 

..& i dont consider this a subjective issue.

 

Without knowing the reasoning behind your partners decision to "help" this colleage its difficult for me to understand why the default position of "charity begins at home" etc. hasnt kicked in!.

 

I would have to be honest with her (Not that i`ve got good form for being honest to my missus mind!) & tell her exactly what I thought she should be doing & that should the roles be reversed, there would be no doubt where your allegencies lay.

 

Get her telt.

 

I've worked in the real world for many years and I've  been on both sides of plenty of promotion/recruitment and payrise interviews.  Of course its all about networking, who you know and how you position yourself before the event.  But, in a large organisation, and this sounds like a large organisation, its about being seen to follow the rules as well otherwise youopen youself up to al sorts of shit.  i don't know the details of her role but if her job involves helping staff develop and someone comes to her for that help what else can she do?

Link to post
Share on other sites

That the point, the guy works in a completely DIFFERENT organisation. She was not obliged to help him, if she'd said no, that would have been more than acceptable. She is obliged to help her OWN staff (i'm not part of that btw) which i accept but a stranger? No f*cking way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That the point, the guy works in a completely DIFFERENT organisation. She was not obliged to help him, if she'd said no, that would have been more than acceptable. She is obliged to help her OWN staff (i'm not part of that btw) which i accept but a stranger? No f*cking way.

 

If that's the case then you are quite right - although I must have missed the bit where it says he is from a different organisation, if that's the case it seems odd to give anyone that much help unless they are a  close friend

Link to post
Share on other sites

Initial reaction is that unless she's in a particular HR or training position and one of her roles is to help people climb the company ladder, she should have politely refused on the grounds of fairness. That's not to say she should have helped you (publically anyway; discussion at home is obviously your business), but it seems very odd to specifically help someone in competition to you, in work time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That the point, the guy works in a completely DIFFERENT organisation. She was not obliged to help him, if she'd said no, that would have been more than acceptable. She is obliged to help her OWN staff (i'm not part of that btw) which i accept but a stranger? No f*cking way.

 

Are you 100% sure she knows you're both going for the same role?

Link to post
Share on other sites

That the point, the guy works in a completely DIFFERENT organisation. She was not obliged to help him, if she'd said no, that would have been more than acceptable. She is obliged to help her OWN staff (i'm not part of that btw) which i accept but a stranger? No f*cking way.

 

I'd want to know the story behind it. I've made a point of keeping (serious) relationships away from work to avoid similar situations. Fundamentally, a serious long-term relationship needs to be a partnership where each is looking after the other's interests. I'd expect an honest, cards-on-the-table discussion if a situation like this was in the offing.

 

I'm not a fan of making judgments on this sort of thing without knowing the protagonists personally. It may be just that she's a really helpful and friendly person. However, in that case I would expect her to do the same for you, at least. Has she been helping you, or has she said it wouldn't be right of her to do so? Have you asked her to help? Whatever you do, you need to talk about it together rather than stew on your own. Just be very careful broaching the subject.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Massive disadvantage of working together with your partner in the same company, and in a position where one can affect the career of the other. If you don't get it, you should leave for another company to avoid this kind of thing cropping up again. If your relationship is a serious one, and you feel your partner is acting out of character on this, you should be able to discuss it openly and hear her side of it. If this doesn't really surprise you deep down then you should get rid.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No "Clearly f***ing him" replies yet?

 

He thinks not.

 

If he (other bloke) works for a different company that she has no professional ties to, and it's in her better interests if JJS get's the job because he will be able to contribute more to the shared bills they will incur if/when he moves in, you have to wonder what her motive is.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The real world is full of favours, backscratching (backstabbing!) & charity towards favoured personel. Anyone who is idealistic / stupid enough to believe that we get where we are on merit has a strange perception of reality.

 

..& i dont consider this a subjective issue.

 

Without knowing the reasoning behind your partners decision to "help" this colleage its difficult for me to understand why the default position of "charity begins at home" etc. hasnt kicked in!.

 

I would have to be honest with her (Not that i`ve got good form for being honest to my missus mind!) & tell her exactly what I thought she should be doing & that should the roles be reversed, there would be no doubt where your allegencies lay.

 

Get her telt.

 

I've worked in the real world for many years and I've  been on both sides of plenty of promotion/recruitment and payrise interviews.  Of course its all about networking, who you know and how you position yourself before the event.  But, in a large organisation, and this sounds like a large organisation, its about being seen to follow the rules as well otherwise youopen youself up to al sorts of s***.  i don't know the details of her role but if her job involves helping staff develop and someone comes to her for that help what else can she do?

 

If I may..I believe your evaluation somewhat misses the point: I assume it is no secret that they are in a relationship, therefore one would naturally be cynical about his partner being able to provide an objective approach to whoever she "Coaches", allowing her an element of flexibility in the possibility of adopting a more "neutral" approach (Opting to not to coach perhaps).

 

She can follow it all by the book (& may well be doing so) but if this were my wife, I would fully expect her to scheme & plot her way to ensuring I got the gig, even if needs must, whilst appearing to do her utmost to help other staff, as is her job.

 

However, it would seem from our friends account that she appears to be playing it "by the book".

 

I`d be getting micey if I were you

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...