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Any experience with an adult never speaking in years?


Slim
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Sorry if this should be in the depression bit.  Got this place and reddit as my last options as google gives me no answers at all.

 

Has anyone ever had any experience of someone being unwilling/unable to talk?

 

My lass’s brother is about 29 and he went to uni years ago and dropped then never spoke ever again not to his family or anyone they know of.  They have had councillors in who have said they don’t know what it is and can’t help.  He has communicated by leaving the odd note about letting the cat out so makes me think he can do it.

 

Her mam has asked when they die she wants her to look after him and let him live in the house.  Obviously she has said no he’s not disabled he just won’t speak.  Currently the mam cooks for him goes shopping and is worried that if she kicks him out etc he might kill himself (No evidence to suggest he would btw)

 

I have done searches but it’s all kids or selective mutes.  I told her to get him sectioned or get on his pc and find out if he is talking to anyone or googling anything to give them some clues but the mam refuses.

 

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I don't think it will be this but ff you look up 'negative symptoms of schizophrenia' it may give some likeness to what you've described. However, I've worked with people who speak much less, have severely reduced activity levels and almost zero interest in doing anything but I've never worked with anyone who has completely stopped speaking. What does he spend his time doing during the day? Is he actively engaged with anything?

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Cheers I will have a peek.  From what I know he basically spends all day in his room on the PC and does not go out.  They think once or twice he went to the shop when his parents were out.

 

His mam takes meals to his room so he does not have to leave.  I was there for Xmas and did not see him for two days and he was deffo in the house.

 

All I can think is somthing traumatic happened at uni and caused him to just never speak again.

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Maybe but worth and ask. Chucked it in reddit as somone must know.. But tbh was more on how ment help somone like that.

 

He can't not speak forever. He's going be f***ed when the parents die and people won't cook and let him live in the spare room forever.

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Cheers will check them links out. I did check out selective mutism previously but seem to find a lot of that stuff is geared towards kids.

 

From that Ispeak "Help for young adults with SM is currently sparse however." "For adults with SM

The options are much narrower, unfortunately. If you are an adult yourself and can speak to therapists, you may find some benefit in accessing a talking therapy such as counselling or CBT. In general, therapists working with adults will have not have encountered SM before, and you might find yourself educating them. You may be able to access talking therapies through IAPT Services / your GP. You may benefit most by interacting online with other adult sufferers of SM."

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Guest Howaythetoon

Not wanting to be an arse or anything, but maybe this person doesn’t want to talk or doesn’t feel there is anything wrong in not talking? As a society we are all conditioned to a concept or set of concepts that we subscribe to as normal and not normal. It’s always the normal side trying to help the non normal side or rather trying to make someone not normal like they are more normal just like them. Whose to say what is normal and who is normal?

 

I’ve had a bit of an experience with someone who would converse with others in writing and would only ever talk to say thank you, yes or no. That person locked themself away from the norms of society like going to the pub, dating, employment and so forth.

 

I was employed by a social worker to help that person with a hoarding disorder which I eventually concluded the person’s hoarding was of no-one’s business and therefore walked away despite losing out on a canny pay day. I got a thank you email from that person not long after. The general gist is that he didn’t consider himself not normal and wasn’t happy with the social services hiring my company to go into his home and basically remove his stuff.

 

I just don’t know really, he wasnt normal to me obviously and I’m not in a position to offer a professional appraisal one way or another, but it’s made me more open minded. What I didn’t find normal was this self sufficient guy was being threatened with all kinds of court orders including threats of eviction all because he hoarded things and conversed with people by writing.

 

I don’t know his back story so can’t really speculate on why social services got involved, but through my line of work I’ve learned that a lot of people who we would class as not normal or who do things that aren’t normal, whatever condition or state of living exists, is normal to them and is often what helps them get by in life. For example hoarding can give someone a sense of control of their lives and a sense of purpose.

 

An example, a few years back we were employed by social services to declutter a guy’s house specifically of 30 + years of newspapers which he would buy every day and underline all the stories relating to crime which he would then document in journals which ended up surpassing his collection of newspapers and I’m talking thousands of newspapers. He had agreed with the social services to have us come in and work on a few piles. The moment we touched one of his newspapers he had a complete breakdown and we had to walk away. Outside the social service mush said that’s it, we will hospitalise him and then we want you to come in and remove the lot.

 

I told them to fuck off basically, he was doing no harm and although it was a bit of a fire hazard so is a fucking chip pan. It would be akin to going into my kids room and taking away all their toys, it would have devastated the guy in ways that couldn’t be repaired. I’ve since learned some other company went in and removed the lot. Poor bastard. As a result we only work with hoarders who are willing to let go and not forced to or those living in squalor or where there is an immediate risk to someone’s life.

 

I don’t know where I’m going with this and again don’t want to be an arse, it’s good there are people who care and want to help, but it bothers me this not normal as opposed to what is normal thing and how we as a society deal with these things. Me, I’m of the opinion one must just keep an eye on the person/situation and be there for when something bad happens or drastic action is needed.

 

Mind, if my brother didn’t talk for a few years for example I’d probably be of a totally different mindset. Good luck regardless and sorry if I’ve come cross as a bit of an arse or derailed the thread.

 

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Its fine I’m just asking for a sister who is concerned for her brother who if is not speaking wants to help him and her mam to be able to communicate with her son.

 

I get you about the hording and being normal stuff (Been banned enough times for not being normal on here) and that’s fine but you must function as a person to some degree. He sits in his room all day, never goes out and his mam feeds him and is basically his servant.  He is a 29 year old man and at some point needs to be able to communicate with the world to survive.  In fact he once left a note for his mam to let the cat out so he can do it if he needs to maybe?  Sounds like it’s a he can only help himself thing to me

 

His mam his obviously heartbroken she can’t communicate with her kid and will just look after him or enable him depending on how you look at it but when she dies the house is split and they won’t be looking after him like her so what then? Does he just never speak and live on the streets? Or start speaking to someone...

 

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Guest Howaythetoon

Its fine I’m just asking for a sister who is concerned for her brother who if is not speaking wants to help him and her mam to be able to communicate with her son.

 

I get you about the hording and being normal stuff (Been banned enough times for not being normal on here) and that’s fine but you must function as a person to some degree. He sits in his room all day, never goes out and his mam feeds him and is basically his servant.  He is a 29 year old man and at some point needs to be able to communicate with the world to survive.  In fact he once left a note for his mam to let the cat out so he can do it if he needs to maybe?  Sounds like it’s a he can only help himself thing to me

 

His mam his obviously heartbroken she can’t communicate with her kid and will just look after him or enable him depending on how you look at it but when she dies the house is split and they won’t be looking after him like her so what then? Does he just never speak and live on the streets? Or start speaking to someone...

 

 

Sounds tough, but reading what you’ve posted, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if a lot of this is for attention or because the person knows he has his mum having his back and it’s now a default way of living, for both maybe?

 

Maybe if mum can go on holiday and say right son, see you in a week, but have others around him who will keep an eye out and be there to step in?

 

Again it’s good people are around who care, because a lot of the hoarders we deal with they have no-one and end up dead unattended for weeks or months, worst one in terms of length was 7 months back in September. Very intelligent guy, very wealthy, but if I was a cunt somoene I’d consider absolutely nuts. Bitch of a sister’s first question was how much was in his bank account and how much his property was worth. He left it all to charity :lol:

 

 

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Maybe his Mam needs to stop being his servant and stop cooking for him and let him fend for himself more. See what effect tough love has on him for a few month. Next step remove the broadband.

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Maybe his Mam needs to stop being his servant and stop cooking for him and let him fend for himself more. See what effect tough love has on him for a few month. Next step remove the broadband.

 

Yeah she wont unfortunately.  She  imo is enabling it

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Maybe his Mam needs to stop being his servant and stop cooking for him and let him fend for himself more. See what effect tough love has on him for a few month. Next step remove the broadband.

 

Yeah she wont unfortunately.  She  imo is enabling it

 

Sounds like she absolutely is. It's incredibly tough but I don't think he'll seek help while he's being waited on.

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I know this isn't the same and the person youre talking about sounds like they have a severe problem but I'm kinda going through something similar. I feel like Any talking interactions I have just don't go well. Feel like the other person just doesn't feel comfortable. So I've been using my phone. I'll type out messages and show bartenders, baristas, whoever my phone when ordering things. It's been going better than actually talking to people depending on the situation. Starting to think talking is overrated. However, it could just be my style which could be seen as aggresive to some. Either way, I get things better when I show people my phone rather than asking or talking.

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My initial thought was an adverse reaction to a psychodelic drug, taking too much acid for example.

 

(We all know what happened to Syd Barrett)

 

Or something that happened along the way which caused a form of post traumatic stress disorder?

 

The brain is a fairly fragile thing if treated badly.

 

He could be perfectly capable of speaking, but just has nothing to say to anyone in his life..

 

If he doesn’t seem like the suicidal type, I wouldn’t pussyfoot around the issue. Make it clear to him that he’s going to be sectioned if he doesn’t start making an effort to heal. (I bet his ears still work)

 

Sometimes tough love is the best thing.

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I know this isn't the same and the person youre talking about sounds like they have a severe problem but I'm kinda going through something similar. I feel like Any talking interactions I have just don't go well. Feel like the other person just doesn't feel comfortable. So I've been using my phone. I'll type out messages and show bartenders, baristas, whoever my phone when ordering things. It's been going better than actually talking to people depending on the situation. Starting to think talking is overrated. However, it could just be my style which could be seen as aggresive to some. Either way, I get things better when I show people my phone rather than asking or talking.

 

Yfdn4CA.jpg

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I know this isn't the same and the person youre talking about sounds like they have a severe problem but I'm kinda going through something similar. I feel like Any talking interactions I have just don't go well. Feel like the other person just doesn't feel comfortable. So I've been using my phone. I'll type out messages and show bartenders, baristas, whoever my phone when ordering things. It's been going better than actually talking to people depending on the situation. Starting to think talking is overrated. However, it could just be my style which could be seen as aggresive to some. Either way, I get things better when I show people my phone rather than asking or talking.

 

Yfdn4CA.jpg

 

:lol:

 

Been meaning to make a thread called "things you regret posting" and that being one of the main ones.

 

Newsted, I dunno what it is. Just feel like I'm annoying people when I talk to them. Really working on minding my own business and only speaking when being spoken to.

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When my social anxiety was at it's worst i barely talked, i remember breaking down cryng infront of my parents and telling them that i wasn't meaning to be like it, but i couldn't help it, i was probably depressed aswell, it only lasted a couple of days though i think.

 

Could it be social anxiety/depression? Does he actually seem unhappy or does he just not want to go out/talk etc?

 

It is the default thing to do when suffering from SA, basically just staying in in your own place away from anyone, that can include family aswell.

 

The important thing to note is that it doesn't mean the person dislikes people, they just find interacting with them so scary.

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Been meaning to make a thread called "things you regret posting" and that being one of the main ones.

 

Newsted, I dunno what it is. Just feel like I'm annoying people when I talk to them. Really working on minding my own business and only speaking when being spoken to.

 

Mate, you'll reach a point where you just say fuck it and stop worrying.

 

That phone thing would be ideal for ordering in crowded places, like, instead of yelling like a nutter. Just "here, I want this." with a :thup:

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Does he react to speech? Like hold his right arm up if asked to do so? Have they tried writing to him? How does he act when someone comes into the room? Does he kind of shy away, doesn't acknowledge that someone has come in or does he wave hello or something? Have you tried to talk to him Slim?

 

Got nothing to add as help, just curious :lol: Sorry.

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Maybe his Mam needs to stop being his servant and stop cooking for him and let him fend for himself more. See what effect tough love has on him for a few month. Next step remove the broadband.

 

Yeah she wont unfortunately.  She  imo is enabling it

 

Sounds like she absolutely is. It's incredibly tough but I don't think he'll seek help while he's being waited on.

 

People work differently so it is not appropriate to use the same yardstick on someone who is depressed or has certain mental conditions.

 

It looks similar to the hikikomori syndrome.

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