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The Lovelife Thread


Shays Given Tim Flowers
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Gonna try to start dating again this year - my last relationship ended in the first lockdown and I’ve basically gotten way too used to doing entirely my own thing since then :lol:

 

Look forward to updating/amusing you all on my complete failure :smug:

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in terms of @toon25I would say as far as apps go, if you message and you don't receive a response, just leave it.

 

On a general note apps can be problematic as they are algorithim based. Common pitfalls include deleting then reinstalling the app in frustration, which apparently puts you bottom of the pile, similarly not communicating with matches can put you down the pile. Location is important too. Early days you want to be somewhere busy and crowded as you will get more matches and that will again push you up towards the top of the pile. There are articles I think about it. 


Also apps can be pretty weird, unfulfilling and insincere places. They take a bit of getting used to and it is worth keeping in mind that a lot of users see them as a necessary evil. 

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Towards the end of my app usage I would focus on a couple of conversations at a time, and stop swiping for a while. 

 

As much as getting matches can be a problem, it's also a problem not to invest enough attention in the people you are talking to. 

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Just now, AyeDubbleYoo said:

Towards the end of my app usage I would focus on a couple of conversations at a time, and stop swiping for a while. 

 

As much as getting matches can be a problem, it's also a problem not to invest enough attention in the people you are talking to. 

 

:thup: my most recent foray was very much trying to talk to people I matched with rather than cultivating matches. 

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I think you need(ed) Tinder as part of your repertoire for volume of people, but I preferred Bumble. Did OK with Hinge too.

 

There's also one that's just for hookups called Pure (IIRC)... surprisingly did meet one real person through that :lol:

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In London one problem was that everyone was transitory and a lot of people would leave the country. Met a class Moroccan woman and an American or two. 

 

Currently dating a Brazilian and hopefully will work out, but long-distance with the odd meeting at the moment. 

 

 

Edited by AyeDubbleYoo

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38 minutes ago, AyeDubbleYoo said:

In London one problem was that everyone was transitory and a lot of people would leave the country. Met a class Moroccan woman and an American or two. 

 

Currently dating a Brazilian and hopefully will work out, but long-distance with the odd meeting at the moment. 

 

 

 

Are you Lou Bega?

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I got married thanks to Tinder :)

 

My method, which eventually worked after much time and effort was to: match, chat quickly, if it was going well, ask for a coffee date ASAP. If you could get on over a coffee, it could go somewhere...

 

Went on far too many drink dates first, which either were horrific; cost a fair whack; the lass seemed fun over a drink and then turned out to be boring, mental or weird. 

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After a DV relationship stayed single for ten years, no dating or anything.... Nothing but me and my son. Went to a party that i didnt want to go to at all (was actually well pissed of i  had to go) met my wife and after 17 years ive never looked back

 

Greatest thing i ever done

 

Never give up :smitten:

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2 hours ago, Shays Given Tim Flowers said:

in terms of @toon25I would say as far as apps go, if you message and you don't receive a response, just leave it.

 

On a general note apps can be problematic as they are algorithim based. Common pitfalls include deleting then reinstalling the app in frustration, which apparently puts you bottom of the pile, similarly not communicating with matches can put you down the pile. Location is important too. Early days you want to be somewhere busy and crowded as you will get more matches and that will again push you up towards the top of the pile. There are articles I think about it. 


Also apps can be pretty weird, unfulfilling and insincere places. They take a bit of getting used to and it is worth keeping in mind that a lot of users see them as a necessary evil. 

 

A good tip I found to boost your profile was to set to a location abroad. With hinge you can manually select it, with tinder if you don't want to pay you can use fake GPS app and that will work. Would set mine to somewhere like Thailand every night and wake up to 100s of likes. These are obviously kind of useless likes but does boost your profile alot when you set it back to your proper location. 

 

The other thing you have to consider is girls will have at least 10x the amount of matches that you probably do so you have to kind of stand out. If you try and start a conversation in a basic way most of the time you won't get a reply. 

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I'm one of the few unicorns that has never been on a dating app. (also not totally true because I used Tinder for like four days when it first launched and I found it to be too easy that it made me uncomfortable :lol: but all intents and purposes I've never been on them)

 

Although I have spent a lot of time, since the apps have been invented, in the service industry and specifically a bartender which is like some magic tonic to women so I count myself lucky in that regard that I've never had to. I've met all of my lady friends organically which has been a blessing for sure, I'm not sure I'm cut out for the apps. :lol:

 

I met my current girlfriend like five years when she was my bartender at a brewery. A couple of years ago I moved almost next door to said brewery but come to find out she was in a long term relationship. Then she broke up with him and every regular at the brewery threw themselves at her except me 'cause it all looked a bit desperate from the dudes. She ended up dating one of them for like a year. She realized he was a total jabroni and broke up with him like six months ago. (I also dated a few girls during all of this time too so it's not like I was just waiting around for her or anything) About three months ago her and I ran into each other at a show, a couple of drinks, and she asked to go back to mine. Met her dad last night. :lol:

 

With all that being said, my main point is just never downplay the long game if you have that feeling about someone. I feel like so many of us in this day and age are focused on the immediate gratification/companionship and subsequently fall into relationships that don't bring our quality of life up but quite often actually bring them down, just to feel something with someone. The good opportunities are always around you just maybe need to wait a bit and watch everyone else make a fool out of themselves first. :lol:

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11 minutes ago, Mike said:

:lol: Might sack this IT shite off and start serving drinks.

 

It has served me (pun intended) very well over the years in the lady department, that's for sure. That being said, I don't have anything to really show for it though (other than a massive body count :lol:). It was perfect during college but I wish I would've moved on from it like I had planned, after graduating. Luckily I do stuff that fulfills me on the side (and also makes me money). I just applied for a new job yesterday that will hopefully get me out from behind the bar for like the fourth or fifth time. No going back hopefully. :lol:

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Not had a love life in 15 years, about the same time I met wor lass.

 

No idea how we produced a kid. 

 

Anyway, end of my contribution in here. Well done those who see action. I salute you.

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I’d been using the apps on and off for a few years, first in Newcastle and then in London after moving back south in 2020. Hinge has produced far and away the best dates and I’ve met my girlfriend a few months ago there, which has been fun. 
 

They are so exhausting though and for many people (like myself), it’s a numbers game. I was probably more likely to meet girls I felt a ‘connection’ with in London, but at the same time it’s much easier for me or them to be picky as there’s so many options. Saying that I actually think prior to the first date, it’s best to be more and more selective once you get more experienced as you have an idea what you want as well as what makes your profile stand out more. If I’d have dated for the sake of it I’d have lost interest and maybe missed out on my girlfriend out of apathy!

 

Generally like to get a feel of things through their profile and a few messages. Some people aren’t really into messaging, so each to their own, but I think you can get a much better idea after a few quite long messages. Saying that you barely know them even after a few dates and things can easily fizz out after a thrilling first date, so there’s always risk in it. I know some people who are still going out with their first ever online date - no idea how they manage that, or what I was doing wrong for years [emoji38]

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