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Jack Bauer


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30 Facts About Jack Bauer

 

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

 

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

 

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

 

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

 

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

 

Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

 

Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.

 

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

 

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

 

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

 

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

 

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

 

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

 

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

 

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

 

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

 

There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

 

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

 

Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.

 

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

 

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

 

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

 

When Jack Bauer owes Tony Soprano money, Tony says nothing.

 

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

 

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

 

Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.

 

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

 

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

 

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

 

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

 

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

 

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

 

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

 

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

 

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

 

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

 

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

 

If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.

 

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

 

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30

 

If you're a terrorist, Jack Bauer is the last person on Earth you want to see. Fortunately, if you're a terrorist, Jack Bauer probably is the last person you'll ever see on Earth.

 

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

 

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

 

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

 

When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".

 

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

 

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.

 

Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.

 

When Jack Bauer has the remote, you’re watching whatever the fuck Jack’s watching.

 

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."

 

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

 

Jack Bauer was removed from Counter-strike by Valve because the counter-terrorists always won. Always.

 

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

 

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

 

James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer don't need any licenses.

 

It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

 

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

 

"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".

 

If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.

 

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed

 

_____________________________________________________________________________

 

Similar to the Chuck Norris ones, but very funny all the same :D

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bluelaugh.gif Well, you never know. Much better than anything new that's currently showing. The beauty of the show is, that it doesn't have lapses or filler-episodes, it's concurrently non-stop intrigue, action, exhileration and suspense. Oh, yeah, and Jack is kickass-cool.
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Guest Jinky_Smith

"If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice."

 

LMFAO bluebiggrin.gif

 

 

 

 

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  • 1 year later...

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/cult/a69671/sutherland-set-fire-to-jack-bauer-doll.html?rss

 

 

Sutherland set fire to Jack Bauer doll

 

Saturday, August 4 2007, 16:34 BST

 

By Neil Wilkes, Editor

 

Kiefer Sutherland has admitted that he mistakenly destroyed the only prototype of a Jack Bauer doll.

 

The actor was sent a hand-sculpted wooden model of the doll - based on his character in 24 - to gain his approval.

 

"Me and my friend took him out for a couple of drinks and, well, we lit him on fire," Sutherland confessed to Virgin's Hotline magazine. "We did a little action sequence, taking pictures of him with his gun going up in flames. The next day someone called and said 'You really need to send us that doll. That's the only one, it's hand-carved and we need to use that to make the mould!'"

 

Sutherland initially denied having anything to do with the doll's demise, but added: "I did [fess up] a little while ago."

 

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Pshhhh...

 

Completely unreal show and a retarded concept that gets old after the second season.

 

:) Yep, I watched it until the beginning of the third season, when questions such as "When does this guy go to the bathroom?" and "Why does all this keep happening to him?" grow into a screetching crescendo making you tear you hair out and stop downloading the bloody thing.

 

Have to say, it was innovative as fuck when it landed on the TV screen, had me hooked. Tony's the man. Oh President Palmer, you had me at 'hello.'

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Guest stb654

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/cult/a69671/sutherland-set-fire-to-jack-bauer-doll.html?rss

 

 

Sutherland set fire to Jack Bauer doll

 

Saturday, August 4 2007, 16:34 BST

 

By Neil Wilkes, Editor

 

Kiefer Sutherland has admitted that he mistakenly destroyed the only prototype of a Jack Bauer doll.

 

The actor was sent a hand-sculpted wooden model of the doll - based on his character in 24 - to gain his approval.

 

"Me and my friend took him out for a couple of drinks and, well, we lit him on fire," Sutherland confessed to Virgin's Hotline magazine. "We did a little action sequence, taking pictures of him with his gun going up in flames. The next day someone called and said 'You really need to send us that doll. That's the only one, it's hand-carved and we need to use that to make the mould!'"

 

Sutherland initially denied having anything to do with the doll's demise, but added: "I did [fess up] a little while ago."

 

 

Not Sunderland?  :rolleyes:

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