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FAO Jesus


Dave
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drunk this early!?

 

Going out in a few mins. blueyes.gif

 

PS - some useless stuff related to Jesus' mate Santa:

 

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

 

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

 

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

 

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anoint, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

 

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

 

In conclusion -- If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

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Guest optimistic nit

"3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour."

 

 

-its the reason noone ever sees him.

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Guest Knightrider

Santa Fact

 

He used to be green until Coca Cola decided he'd look better in red, much marketing later, and the whole world recognises santa as red and not green.

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Santa Fact

 

He used to be green until Coca Cola decided he'd look better in red, much marketing later, and the whole world recognises santa as red and not green.

 

Or not:

 

"This legend is not true. Although some versions of the Santa Claus figure still had him attired in various colors of outfits past the beginning of the 20th century, the jolly, ruddy, sack-carrying Santa with a red suit and flowing white whiskers had become the standard image of Santa Claus by the 1920s, several years before Sundlom drew his first Santa illustration for Coca-Cola."

 

http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/santa.asp

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Guest MalcolmSm1th

I'll wait until the summer before wishing him a happy Birthday.    Instead, we ough to be raising a glass to Mithras, born of 25th December.

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Actually Jesus wasn't born in December, not even near.

 

That's because 'he' doesn't exist.

 

I believe Jesus exists.. It's just that he wasn't anything special, just legend. Like Chuch Norris. In 5000 years when everything has been destroyed people find texts like "Chuck Norris was god" blaablaa, and Chuck Norris is their saviour.

 

Anyway, in places where Jesus did his "magics", there grows.. well, something some of you have smoked. It made people see things they really didn't see. Jesus was just ordinary guy whose friends made him special. Well, okay, more than ordinary, but still he never did those wildest things like walked on the water.

 

Church made him saviour, they saw their opportunity and used it. Jesus was married and had children too, but that never made it to the big book.

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Actually Jesus wasn't born in December, not even near.

 

That's because 'he' doesn't exist.

 

I believe Jesus exists.. It's just that he wasn't anything special, just legend. Like Chuch Norris. In 5000 years when everything has been destroyed people find texts like "Chuck Norris was god" blaablaa, and Chuck Norris is their saviour.

 

Anyway, in places where Jesus did his "magics", there grows.. well, something some of you have smoked. It made people see things they really didn't see. Jesus was just ordinary guy whose friends made him special. Well, okay, more than ordinary, but still he never did those wildest things like walked on the water.

 

Church made him saviour, they saw their opportunity and used it. Jesus was married and had children too, but that never made it to the big book.

 

Okay. :lol:

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Guest MalcolmSm1th

There's every reason to believe that Jesus existed.  However, he wasn't the sort of chap fabled of the bible going about curing lepers, turning water into wine and the like.  He was almost certainly a latter day Che Guevara or Ghandi who finally upset his elders.

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Actually Jesus wasn't born in December, not even near.

 

That's because 'he' doesn't exist.

 

I believe Jesus exists.. It's just that he wasn't anything special, just legend. Like Chuch Norris. In 5000 years when everything has been destroyed people find texts like "Chuck Norris was god" blaablaa, and Chuck Norris is their saviour.

 

Anyway, in places where Jesus did his "magics", there grows.. well, something some of you have smoked. It made people see things they really didn't see. Jesus was just ordinary guy whose friends made him special. Well, okay, more than ordinary, but still he never did those wildest things like walked on the water.

 

Church made him saviour, they saw their opportunity and used it. Jesus was married and had children too, but that never made it to the big book.

 

:lol: nice one Mela! ... worms everywhere!!

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