Exiled in Texas Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Classic. http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/robborobson/2009/04/the_gospel_according_to_st_jam.html (I won't spoil the read by snipping the great lines - well worth it) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
themanupstairs Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ebolarama Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 The Fiver by the Guardian has had a far more amusing "silent movie" riff on Newcastle going for quite some time now. NEWCASTLE UNITED: THE (SILENT) MOVIE ... EXT. ST JAMES' PARK, 11 DAYS AGO Mr Martins runs up to take a penalty kick. Mr Martins steps on a rake. The handle crumps on to his nose. TITLE CARD: Mr Martins ~ "Yaroo!!!" Mr Martins scratches his head. Mr Almunia runs off, clutching a ball, laughing. TITLE CARD: Later that day ... Mr R Taylor is running round in circles. A ball comes into frame and clanks into his face. TITLE CARD: Mr R Taylor ~ "Oof!!!" Sixteen more balls, one after the other, clank into Mr R Taylor's face. TITLE CARD: Mr R Taylor ~ "Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Oof!!! Ooyah!!! Ooyah!!! Oof!!!" TITLE CARD: Even later that day ... Mr Harper is standing in front of his goal. The net is full of balls. Mr Bendtner and Mr Wenger cavort in the background. On the touchline, Mr Hughton is quietly crying. In the stands, Mr Ashley is wrestling with a four-foot-long hotdog, as though it were a snake. He can't get it into his mouth! He suddenly stops grappling with the sausage as he realises what is unfolding on the pitch - Newcastle are sliding into the relegation zone, and don't look like climbing back out of it any time soon! The shock is such that his bowler hat flies off his head, straight up into the air. SOUND FX: Swannee whistle. TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Ma hat!!!" Mr Ashley looks at the pitch again. Mr Coloccini has kicked himself in the face. Mr R Taylor is sliding down the inside-right channel on his front teeth. On the touchline, Mr Owen is being slowly boiled down for glue. In anger, Mr Ashley clenches his fists. As a result, his hotdog slips out of his grasp and up into the air. SOUND FX: Swannee whistle. TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Ma sausage!!!" Mr Ashley looks up in the air. Eventually his hat comes back down and hits him in the face. SOUND FX: Swannee whistle followed by dull thud. Mr Ashley continues to look up in the air in the hope that his sausage also comes back down. TITLE CARD: One hour later ... Mr Ashley is looking up in the air for his sausage. TITLE CARD: One day later ... Mr Ashley is looking up in the air for his sausage. TITLE CARD: One week later ... Mr Ashley is looking up in the air for his sausage. TITLE CARD: March 31 Mr Ashley reluctantly gives up on his sausage. TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Hmph. That's another fine mess Mr Hughton and his men have got me into. Well, I'll show them." ... Taken from here. There are a couple others previously. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exiled in Texas Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 great line from Robbo's gospel The Shearer raised up his single arm. "Nay, fear ye not. Though it appears we are between a Northern Rock and a Hard Place [the Championship] I shall within the year take you all towards the distant shores of the Europa!" "How shall we get there?" And spake the Shearer: "I shall walk. You lot take the ferry." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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