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A bit funny...

Guest toon tone rudeboy

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Guest toon tone rudeboy

Apologies if this was posted already... thought it was a bit funny.



Eat Nonsense*: Shepherd Sits on Golden Egg at Newcastle



A new study by naturalists for the monthly journal Naturewatch has highlighted several interesting sightings of new and rare species of animal in and around the countries' leading football clubs.


Animals and football have long been linked with stories such as Pickles the World Cup dog, the White Horse FA cup final and Hull City fans, but this represents a new and interesting look and some previously unknown creatures that have football to thank for their discovery.


The study's author, Mike Beardy, first came to be interested in wildlife and soccer when he made a short film for the BBC entitled White Elephants. This focussed on stadia such as the JJB in Wigan and the 25,000 capacity TFM Darlington Arena. After years of research he was ready to release his findings to the scientific public, starting with a very interesting discovery made in Newcastle.


In the North East, Beardy followed up rumours from fans that a strange creature had been seen stalking the corridors at St James's Park. After months of secret filming, he thought the rumours were unfounded, until one night in the boardroom. Here, he discovered the first known UK sighting of Shepherd's Ostrich (Lardus Crookus), a large, flightless creature notable for burying its head in the sand and jealously guarding it's large golden nest egg.


With his precious film in the can, Beardy headed to Wigan in Greater Manchester, spurred on by reports of another odd animal at the town's football ground. Here, he had to wait no time at all to catch sight of a completely new species, the Lesser Spotted Guff Pigeon - taking its place in the Chairman's lounge. Beardy notes that the creature is striking in its desire to stick its beak in where its not wanted, pointing to comments attributed to Dave Whelan on Sven, Wayne Rooney and salary caps as evidence.


His final discovery was also easy to find, being the chief new attraction down the road at Bolton Zoo. Again, a new species was found, this time a marsupial. This animal, which sports a large pouch, was initially refusing food and pining terribly. The cuddly creature, nicknamed Big Sam by staff, turned out to be missing it's mate and craved the feeling of nurturing it's young. Working with staff, Beardy eventually discovered that by stuffing brown envelopes full of cash in the animal's 'pocket', it soon perked up and started to entertain the visiting crowds again.


The new issue of Naturewatch is available priced £2.99 in all good newsagents. Unfortunately, due to a proliferation of big words, it is not available in Preston.


By Matt Warnes





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