Shearergol

How very dare you

We 100% need a right winger/forward and ideally a DM. Then we’re happy. And Wood to be sold and a decent striker coming in.

Foden would ruin that. Maybe I need to forget him.

No more Shelvey coming to collect the ball from captain fantastic. Just imagine.

Nope, because Botman is going to completely change our game.

Well, yes?

Bruno’s my boy, my new favourite player of all time, but genuinely feel this signing is bigger

I’d have Schar over every defender in the world, the sexy fucker

Thought it was 2024, sorry xx

Foden and Bellingham

FFP not apply to Chelsea either

Yep, he’s in decline now. I wouldn’t want Shearer up front either.

I like him, but we're not in for him. Not a chance.

Players who scored 10 goals last season: Antonio (36 matches) Dennis (33 matches) Fernandes (36 matches) Richarlison (30 matches) JWP (36 matches) Smith Rowe (33 matches) Not a chance Wood gets 10 goals, even as a first choice striker.

He'd have to play every game to get close to 8 goals.

By £25m

Fair enough

He's 55% water, 22% glass, 23% sexiness.

17 would have made him the 4th top goalscorer last season. I reckon arsenal would be happy with that.

You realise my post was ironic, right?

3rd

I hear there's a name in the mix who hasn't already been mentioned. Player very interested, just need to deal with the club to agree a fee now. Watch this space.

I was told £15m up front, from someone who should know.

I play football on a Thursday night with a current player and a former player (still at the club) and neither of them ever know any transfer news. Granted, there are a few divisions between them and Newcastle, but I suspect it's the same at all levels.

Nice little black and white photo of his plane on his instagram story. Needed more bread.