Keefaz

Fuck me. What a shit pun by the Clem. Is it even a pun?

Plays for mackems? Anyway, they've got plenty left-backs in the squad.

I reckon for every email received, the email bird should remove an item of clothing.

Hilarious goal by Southend.

It's certainly not a sliding tackle.

I've just realised that 'shirts' and 'shorts' sound exactly the same in Geordie. Why've I never noticed that before?

They obviously knew that email section was going to be shit, as they've had to draft in two different blonde birds to try and liven it up.

Christ. You're never satisfied. First you complain about no one warning you something's coming, and now the opposite.

Aye. Just stood there with his head in his hands.

Brilliant finish, tbf.

He always talks shit.

Malky MacKay has to write on a fucking postage stamp.

First!

Clem's segment looks a laugh.

Jacqui's looking alreet tonight.

Piss off. If it makes you feel better, I'm not massively excited. Why? I've convinced myself beyond belief that we're going to lose, so I am fully expecting to lose. I've simultaneously convinced myself that we're going to reach the FA Cup final, so that will be a happy consolation. I am fully aware of the flaws in this plan. Best to keep your expectations low, in my experience. Oh, I am, believe me. We're drinking in Harrow on the Hill (will turn out to be a shit hole, prob a Wetherspoons or something grim), we're getting the Tube to Wembley (will definitely be closed for the day), we've got category 2 seats (we won't see a fucking thing), it will be an embarassing defeat (no gloating towards the bluenoses on Monday). And we'll break down on the M40 Sounds about right.

Piss off. If it makes you feel better, I'm not massively excited. Why? I've convinced myself beyond belief that we're going to lose, so I am fully expecting to lose. I've simultaneously convinced myself that we're going to reach the FA Cup final, so that will be a happy consolation. I am fully aware of the flaws in this plan. Best to keep your expectations low, in my experience.

Piss off. If it makes you feel better, I'm not massively excited. Why?

Piss off.

he never will He's going to die on air.

Fucking hell. Hansen slagging off his Countdown appearance.

Aye.

"Countdown King, Clarke Carlisle".

Good goal that.

They did warn you, you plum.