Theregulars

Also somehow, some way it's Alan Smith's fault.

How can we hide our shit central midfield? Ummmmmm..... not pick the same players who make it shit week in week out? I might be onto something but I'm not entirely sure.

You just know he's going to play tonight. Milner's injured so Smith will be given that right-wing role he's so adept at filling. Based on all the games Keegan has been in charge since his return, how can he not possibly look to try Viduka-Martins ahead of both of them? I'm trying to see Keegan in a positive light but it's getting horribly difficult. Perhaps after another 0-3 tonight with Smith managing one shot into the crowd he might realise, but I'm not holding my breath. I look away every time he has the ball. Maybe if we all did that live, observing an eerie silence at SJP and away grounds, somebody would get the message. Or something. Oh God just get Alan Smith out of my team.

Do tell me, just where has Smith's scrapping and defending from the front got us so far? NOWHERE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Wake up and smell the rotting turd that is Alan Smith's NUFC career. If we really want to defend from the front, play Faye up front. I daresay he'd score more goals than Smith anyway (and he has done from the back). Scrapping and fighting is what we need in defence and central midfield (although I still don't advocate Smith here, as his scrapping is useless anyway), wingers, one CM and strikers over creativity and goals. THERE IS NO NEED FOR SMITH TO PLAY. EVER.

Think Wilko was probably lower during all his time out injured.

I know it's wrong but there's a bastard in side of me that hopes he'll pick up some form of injury, not horrendous, just enough to keep him out for the rest of the season but serious enough so that it keeps recurring next season. He hasn't picked up a booking in a while which is annoying me. I would seriously support the idea of booing him, just to get him out of the team. Words cannot convey how much I hate this man.

On the Dalglish front I think his major issue was that he based all his plans around Shearer and was completely tactically hamstrung when Shearer got injured, so Tomasson suddenly had to bear the burden and completely went missing. However, I totally agree that not backing Robson sufficiently after we finished 3rd and sacking him at a completely useless timei s the root of all this - Souness was a total gobshite, I think even Freddy knew that, but nobody else was available/ebverybody else turned us down. That has seen the beginning of this monumental slide. That said, even Souness had us clear of relegation.

I almost don't know why I still bother: Harper Beye Faye Cacapa/Taylor/Diatta (Taylor/Cacapa both as unreliable as the other, don't know anything about the latter) Enrique Milner Geremi Emre (if injured Barton for pure lack of other option) N'Zogbia Martins Owen/Carroll/Viduka If Milner doesn't make it, I'd say Lua Lua, not Duff, because he's been pants. Just as long as Smith is nowhere near the line-up we'll have a chance, but he'll probably be asked to play every position because he's obviously amazing and we just don't realise it. Don't want Barton to play but if Emre is injured nobody else has legs. However, fully expect to see the same disappointing, non-sensical starting 11 that has seen us fall into probable relegation.

To be fair it seems like all you are saying is he'd do better at a club with lower expectations because they wouldn't mind it so much that he's so ball-burstingly useless.

Pressue or no pressure, there's no excuse for how piss poorly the players we've invested in have performed and there's no excuse for the continuously daft team selections. Sure, the pressure is high, but it wouldn't be so high if the players and management et al hadn't dumped themselves in this situation in the first place. Also, if I got paid as much as they do, I reckon I could make a good fist of playing in front of 52,000 people a week and representing and admittedly over-bearing public fan base.

I don't care for all this excuse-making on his behalf. Great, he tries 100% - I'd rather have a player who tried 5% and actually did something once in a while. The fact that some of our other players don't give as much and run around as much as him is totally immaterial. The plain fact is that he is useless. A half'fit, unmotivated Mark Viduka, with 3 goals to his name or whatever it is, has already scored 3 goals or whatever it is more than Smith will probably ever score for us. Giving 100% isn't a solid enough basis to get in the team, everybody should do it regardless. The fact that some don't while he does speaks more about our desperate transfer policy than it does as a justification for picking him. There is no justification. He is crap. Nobody can dispute this.

We all know he's better than Smith. We all know he should start ahead of Smith. We all know he won't. End.

I don't think I could possibly be a Toon fan and say we won't win. But I have as much doubt as I possibly can, within reason.

Keegan's words are encouraging - we need to ditch the Allardyce approach and just give it a try. Every man and his dog knows that they're superior to us on every position on the park, and should get spanked if Torres and Gerrard play, but if we play like we did last week and actually convert similar chances into goals, it shouldn't be too cringeworthy to watch.

Let's be honest here, since Souness took over from Robson, have we bought anybody who has stood out in comparison to the majority of the players suggested here? Personally I'm struggling.

I'll be egging Gerrard on to take a dive from a Smith lunge and get him booked/red carded. That would be blissful.

Think Big TRon's line-up has some potential in it. It won't happen though. Keegan was brought here to play attacking, simple 4-4-2 football. Same as last week: if Smith's in, I'm not watching. Those dancing cuddly things in Dave's avatar would offer more.

Reports that Alan Oliver is restricted by the normal boundaries of time and space are wide of the mark. The word I hear is that next he's considering space travel.

Not even putting up a team because we all know who's going to play - Barton not being available = Smith and Butt in midfield and someone else up front. Same as ever: if we play the same kind of team, we lose. Be interesting to see if their big guns play with a big match against Inter no Tuesday but even their subs should cream us the way we've been playing/the poor team we offer every week. Is Emre fit? I think if he is Keegan might actually play him, which means we might stand a bit of a chance. Nonetheless, I expect the bleached gormless one to play a full 90 minutes and to contribute nothing but sideways/backwards passing, a booking and no shots on goal. Owen is just going to end the match depressed when he realises how far his career has nosedived. Good times!

While we're at it that Mourinho is pretty canny, like.

The saddest thing is no matter how much this kind of common sense complaining goes on, he's starting every game for the rest of the season.

If Emre is injured, the following: Harper Beye Faye Cacapa Enrique Milner Geremi N'Zogbia Duff Owen Martins Introduce Carroll/Viduka at some stage. However, we will see the same line up as against Man United and will likely see a similar scoreline.

Spot on. If Keegan wants to play this attacking, creative and entertainers-of-old football, he is shooting himself in the foot by picking the wrong players every week. What he wants is clearly not feesible with Barton, Smith and Butt. I'm reserving judgement until Viduka, Emre and Martins are fully fit and have a good run in the side - although a large part of me is concerned this won't happen, either due to persistent injury/a teeth-grindingly frustrating belief among club officials that the 3 aforementioned players are worthy of the shirt.