Memphis

The beginning where he very specifically and patiently outlined how much they loved Pardew was extremely depressing. And a frankly disastrous way to start an interview.

More Applicants:

John Carver

Jon Carver

Juan Carver

Joan Carver

Jean Carvier

J.C. Arver

John Car-Ver

They are determined to depress the fans. They somehow both underpromise and underdeliver.

You won't ever get excited about anything regarding this club, yet somehow they depress you even further in spite of the fact you weren't even remotely excited to begin with.

Their brusque, uncaring, cold manner of communication is disgraceful and abusive in its own way. Fans really would do well to avoid SJP for a long, long time.

The timetable  - and how it's perceived by outsiders - is irrelevant to Ashley, Charnley, etc. They will have written off the Chelsea/Southampton matches regardless. I've always thought they wouldn't have any announcement until this past weekend at earliest, but most likely sometime this week. They don't think we'll be relegated, they don't think we'll make the EL, so why would they worry about rushing just for two matches (and again, I'm speaking here from their jaded perspective, not the rational thinking of a normal person)?

Everything still points to Garde. Or someone of his ilk, but he seems to meet every criteria.  Get him in, get him acclimated, get a signing or two in, see what happens the rest of the way.

Mostly turgid stuff really. Thought we played incredibly slowly, trying to build play as if we had Arsenal's quality,  only to see an inevitable heavy touch or errant pass destroy the move. Sissoko was quiet which automatically makes it virtually impossible for us to win.

We clearly need a fresh vision. Everyone's just going through the motions.

Very reasonable post Memphis, just can't help the fear.

I feel like a child laying in bed in the dark, trying to repeat to myself that there's no way there are monsters under the bed, all the while being unable to sleep.

Everything still points to Garde. No legitimate information has emerged to contradict any of the basic issues out there -- we want a European setup, looking for a head coach, want to find someone to maximise younger players, connection to France, etc. There's a lot of nonsense out there because there is a vacuum of actual information, and media, like nature, abhors a vacuum. So they fill it with tripe because they have to fill it with something. Virtually all of it is to be ignored.

The club has made it abundantly clear over the last few seasons they don't work on any kind of timetable. They take pleasure in hanging media -- and supporters -- out to dry. So this is nothing new for them. In fact, I'm quite sure they would have certainly written off Chelsea away and probably Southampton, too, so they'll be perfectly content to let it twist until the break.

I still think it's Garde, probably with confirmation early next week. Certainly hope so anyway.

Carver's steady hand in action:

The last few moves we have made have been logical. This one would be, too. We know Ashley is indifferent to the success of the club, assuming we stay up. He doesn't really care if we finish 5th or 17th. However, that isn't the same thing as actively wanting the club to be mediocre. Truthfully it will be to his benefit if we are successful; and to be successful within his ownership style we need a certain type of head coach.

We were stuck with a charlatan clinging to this job with every fibre of his being to the detriment of any excitement or ambition.

We have been given a huge lifeline by Palace. The logical move for Ashley now is to appoint someone who will jump at the chance to prove themselves in this job, while also - crucially - accommodating the European style setup we have.

To me, that narrows down the candidates greatly and ensures we will get a hungry manager. Garde is the obvious choice but perhaps Clement would work, too. Doubt Tuchel or de Boer are in the frame mostly because we have good candidates readily available.

We can be a larger version of Southampton with bigger pulling power. Over a few years of consistent work, that could put us in an enviable position especially if any instability in world markets causes the petro-owners to have to pull back their investment in football.

Obviously we f*** things up spectacularly all the time. But in this case everything logically points to an appointment, probably Garde but perhaps another, who will move the club forward on the pitch. That's all I can ask for now.

No good businessman leaves himself with just a single option. Even just for negotiating purposes, Ashley will want it to appear as if there are multiple candidates. If Garde is the only option, and he knows it, he can demand a big salary.

(To the tune of "Hard Day's Night")

"Remi Garde's black and white

well, he's come here from Lyon

Remi Garde's black and white

Sexy football from beyond

No more Alan Pardew

The fucking cunt said adieu

and now I feel all right"

Looking at it rather cynically, it's really quite smart (from a PR standpoint) to let Carver be in charge for Chelsea/Southampton games.  After that, you've got the break to bring someone (Garde?) in and get them integrated while also then conducting whatever transfer business we're going to do. You want the new guy to get off to the best possible start.

I would say that if we don't have a permanent head coach in place by sometime next weekend, then we're blatantly waiting until summer.

Fofana, I think.

Don't really think there's any more apt candidate than Garde, given his experience with terrible owners and transfer issues.

Here's another nice little piece from 3 or so years ago, when Garde was relatively new:

As the former head of OL’s youth training programme, Garde’s readiness to blood young players is unsurprising, but the real triumph of his man management is the way he has coaxed performances out of players, such as Bastos and Cissokho, who had seemed so traumatised by the events of last season. In doing so, the thoughtful 45-year-old has proved that a lack of financial muscle in the transfer market need not herald the death-knell for a team’s ambitions.

 

Privately criticised by former Lyon coach Raymond Domenech for being “too serious” during his playing days, Garde impressed Arsène Wenger at Arsenal with his ability to assess a player and swiftly asserted his authority this summer by jettisoning the 4-3-3 of the Puel era in favour of a sleek and straightforward 4-4-2.

 

With Gourcuff expected to return for the trip to PSG on October 2, Garde’s only headache concerns how to accomodate the French playmaker and club record signing in his new system. It is a state of affairs for which Puel would have given his right arm, and yet the resources from which Garde has hewn such an effective team were actually there all along.

There was a great quote from Arsene Wenger about Garde: "I have rarely seen a player who has such little confidence in himself transmit so much confidence in others."

For whatever it's worth, Moussa has just followed a number of French journalists on Twitter.

(And Karim Benzema and Adidas France, so I dunno)

I'd be surprised if it ended up being anything other than one of these four scenarios:

IF WE DON'T WANT TO PAY COMPENSATION BUT WANT A HEAD COACH QUICKLY: Garde now

IF WE DON'T MIND SOME COMPENSATION BUT WANT A HEAD COACH QUICKLY: Tuchel now

IF WE DON'T WANT TO PAY COMPENSATION AND THINK WE CAN SURVIVE UNTIL SUMMER: Carver as interim, then Galtier/Tuchel

IF WE'RE DUMB CHEAP SHIT-FOR-BRAINS ASSHOLES: Carver permanently, to our extreme detriment

All those options seem quite plausible to me, even the last one, sadly, though I'm hoping Carver will continue to disqualify himself through out and out stupidity and rank incompetence.

Stockholm syndrome has set in with a frighteningly large number of our supporters.

He can!

But not to build things.

I think Oldtype said it well a few posts earlier. Data is a tool, and like any tool, it can be useful or destructive. If you use a hammer to nail your nails as you build a lovely home, that's great. If you use that hammer to destroy things, well, that's not good. The hammer is the same. It's how it's used that changes.

Performance analysis is vital. You've got to find a way to determine if your players are doing what they need to be doing for you independent of the scoreline. You've also got to be able to find a way to analyse scouted players relative to their league to make a determination as to whether or not, like Ayoze, they can make the step up. It won't be perfect, but it can help. You can find potentially undervalued players using data analysis far more efficiently than sending out scouts haphazardly. But you still need to watch them play and talk with them to determine if they fit your club criteria both mentally and physically.

Using analytics doesn't replace watching the matches, it merely bolsters your ability to analyse the performance. Teams can and should always use data and their eyes in concert. But you've got to have people in charge using the tools properly.

Obviously handing over analytic data to Carver is akin to handing Donkey Kong a sledgehammer.

Cost less than half a Pardew.

I feel like that quote is missing the proper punctuation:

excited?

that he can bring another dimension to our play?

certainly from an attacking sense?

He reminds me a little of El Hadji Diouf if he had David Hasselhoff's sense of adventure.

I don't think you can put much stock in what current players say about the situation, to be honest. Unless the relationship is a complete nightmare, players will generally back assistants publicly. Not much else Janmaat or Colo could or would say, especially without knowing what is to come. They may well have to work under Carver/Stone for the rest of this season, so no sense poisoning things in public.

I feel quite confident the players' opinions are quite different away from the press.

Haidara for Gouffran is right up there with any of Pardew's dumbest substitutions. Holy shit that was idiotic. Carver looks thick as concrete and manages that way too.

Tactics - what tactics?

On this evidence any plans to try and hold out until the summer for a permanent appointment would be disastrous.

Sean Dyche is doing an excellent job with a poor squad. They deserve major credit for fully punishing our incredibly stupid second half.