Memphis

In all seriousness, the goal now is to not get anyone sent off and to keep the scoreline halfway respectable for the sake of our goal difference (and whatever is left of morale in the squad).

All we need is for our strikeforce of Leon Best, Nile Ranger, Peter Lovenkrands, and Kevin Nolan to score four against a team that's only conceded one this calendar year. Looks good, guys!

I'm actually a bit more irritated by the apology than the comments themselves. I suppose it's a bit much to expect the club captain to have a certain level of empathy for the rank and file supporters. You would think a simple "I'm sorry for deciding to give an interview to Liverpool's media outlet" would suffice, but he can't even do that properly. He is utterly divorced from the reality of what it means for the fans. Great. I am still waiting for this to emerge: Suspect I'll be waiting a while.

Good post Obi. Link play was sadly missing. As others have pointed out, Tiote is a nice partner for Nolan because he so effectively does so much of the work in midfield, covering acres of space, closing down opponents, breaking up play, leaving Nolan free to faff about and slide into better attacking positions. Guthrie is an exceedingly poor man's Tiote in that regard, leaving us with a toothless, immobile midfield centre. I would have loved to have seen what Ireland could have done in place of Best, changing to a 4-5-1 type look. Think it would have done wonders for the flow of play in the final third, and certainly would have given us more ideas with which to work.

Teams that get relegated are teams that don't score goals. On a related note, our strikers are Leon Best, Nile Ranger, and Peter Lovenkrands. If you're not at least a little worried now, you're lying to yourself.

This is dire stuff. Can only hope the return of MEGATIOTE will inspire something. We were so so shit today I'm not even mad, just dumbfounded.

Kakuta looks class. We look ass.

Nile Ranger Peter Lovenkrands Leon Best Phil Airey Wow. Are we Notts County in disguise?

Colo stepped up, Williamson played him onside. Easy easy goal that. That's us done then.

Nolan has been so so so so so so so so bad.

Enrique - holy shit what a man he is

Good save.

Glenn Roeder does, although he could do with another look at him to be sure.

I actually think Ireland would be useful here in a 4-5-1, shame he's unavailable.

No link play, no nothing. We don't look like we could score on an empty pitch right now.

Only one team's come out after the half.

Nolan looks even slower than usual tonight.

It's playing to feet that's slowing us down, tbh. Should have been more clear - I meant more on the pitch into space. Better off the ball movement would be crucial there.

Buildup from us has been very very glacially slow. Need to play to feet a bit more.

Commentator sounds incredulous: "Nile Ranger and Leon Best are Newcastle's front two!"

Shola's coming off, looks like. Good thing we've got a lot of strikers.

Having heard it, I think it was ill-advised to give the interview at all. Once you start the interview, you're inclined as a matter of formality and politeness to be complimentary and conciliatory, which can come across totally wrong in certain contexts - like this one. He's been committed on the pitch, can't imagine that would change, but it's fucking stupid to agree to go on LFC.TV knowing the situation.

Watching it now... It's a phone interview. FULL TRANSCRIPT (slightly edited for clarity, but that's all) Interviewer: "First of all, tell us what kind of player we're getting here at Liverpool." Nolan: "Oh, you're getting a top, top player. Erm...obviously, I've had a lot of texts, lot of calls over the last day or so and um, quite surprised at how pleased everyone is with it, cause he's only burst onto the scene in the last 6 months, but believe you me, you've got a top, top player. He's gonna be one of the best, I certainly believe, he's definitely up there...there's no one like him in the league. He will score you goals, he'll create you goals, he'll show you desire...what Liverpool fans want, and they deserve it." Interviewer: "What kind of character is he in the dressing room? is he a strong character?" Nolan: "Yeah, obviously, he's a young lad, you know, everyone forgets that. We all made mistakes when we were young, it's just that his have been well-publicised. He's a great lad around the dressing room, you know he's funny in his own little wicked way. I'm very friendly with him - I've managed to get away with him a few times last year, with a couple of friends of mine who are gonna be in Liverpool with him to help him settle in. When we first heard about it - well, when I heard about it with him - he just said to me, 'Whatcha think?' and you can imagine my reaction towards him and everything, I was just delighted for him. He's gonna be a great addition to hopefully what's gonna be a great new start for Liverpool." Interviewer: 'Are you surprised at how much he's developed over the last 12 months?" Nolan: "Yeah, I don't think anyone can say they're not surprised. But we always knew he had the talent, it was just the temperament and everything what comes with it. but he has got it - he's got everything. I think you've seen a lot of things wrote about him in the papers, which in my own opinion, has been very unfair - and I'm talking about the front pages up here - but I think when he gets on the pitch there's not many people who are gonna stop him. With the quality Liverpool have got, the likes of Stevie, Meireles, the players probably yous have been linked with to get in the window and again in the summer puttin' it on a plate for him, he won't let them down, I'm confident." Interviewer: "He does seem to now really believe he can terrorise defenses in the premier League- do you see that to be true?" Nolan: "I loved played with him, because you know he is gonna give you everything he's got and he's gonna make sure the two central defenders come up knowing they've got a game. People say he's an old fashioned type center forward, but i'm sure over the next 5 years or so, you'll see he's got more than that to his game. He is, you know - he does like a header and all - but he's got more to his game. I think it showed with the goal against yous at our place this season, he's got the talent to strike a great ball too, overall his play's been brilliant for us. I'm absolutely gutted we've lost him but I'm absolutely delighted to see him go to such a fantastic club."

Already angry about Phil Airey's 2013 move to Chelsea for 150m.

Boumsong for 25m?