TheBig_Sam
I'm gonna slap the wife silly. Fucking Hawaiian Tropic all over my Celia Birtwell Candy Floss Beanbag from John Lewis. That woman is a tit.
Lost my wallet. I can replace cards & cash. I can replace the condom. But I can't replace that photo of me and Sir Alex in Butlins. Gutted.
Just put a condom on my dog Fergie. Bloody hilarious. He's a modern dog with a sensible outlook. Sent him out to find some canine muff.