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St James Park has been hijacked by pirates


Doug
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The tanker Football Ground, which was carrying a cargo of chemicals professional footballers used to make plastics the Champions League, had changed course and was now heading towards the northern coast of Somalia oblivion, said Andrew Mwangura of the Seafarers Assistance Programme.

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Sources can confirm that the Newcastle senior players were all forced onto the tanker at gunpoint. The intention of the pirates was to ransom them all back to owner Mike Ashley one by one. However, the pirates' plan backfired when Kevin Nolan got onto the tanker, as it promptly sank to the bottom of the ocean.

 

The players floated to safety using Steven Taylor's inflatable pigeon chest as a makeshift raft.

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