Stu Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Llllllllllllllllllllllladies aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand gentlemen, Newcastle Untied* FC would like to announce the forthcoming heavyweight event to be staged over the coming months at Barrack Road, NE1. Occasional skirmishes may also take place at Longbenton. In the red corner we have the current reigning champions: Alan 'shite' Pardew and his long-time partner Derek 'wanker' Llambias/Lambezey. Pardew is a recent champion of abuse at NE1, managing to surpass everyone's low expectations through a display of sheer incompetency over the past season, underpinned with a litany of excuses and cliches. His partner, Derek 'I've resigned' Llambias was a former undisputed heavyweight tag team champion, holding the title for a good 18months following his arrival in NE1. He started his career with a deafening wall of abuse and proudly held onto that title through a series of smugly conducted interviews and PR blunders. However, the divorce from his previous partner in crime (FMA) has seen him take a step back in the 'cuntometer' as he actually got on with his job. Their opponents for the next few months, in the blue corner, are the recently reunited kings of chaos, demons of destruction and misers of misery Fat Mike Ashley and Joe 'fucking' Kinnear! FMA aka FCB has long-reigned over the heavyweight lunacy crown, both as an individual and as part of the most successful tag team in recent history: THE COCKNEY BASTARDS. Determined to cling onto top dog status as the most hated individual in the North East, FMA has turned heel on his ex-companion Llambezey and reawakened the spirit of JFK for this mammoth fight. JFK himself is no stranger to the competition, having previously flirted with the title when enjoying a foul-mouthed managerial spell, which was prematurely ended when he suffered a severe stroke, damaging the hippocampus. A return from the grave has seen him thrown straight into this monumental title fight, taking the NUFC world by storm. How long will it take for the first blow to be struck? When will the dividing lines become drawn in blood, rather than the sand? Who will the supporters get behind? Can Pardew escape with his honour in tact? Will Ashley and Llambias ever get back together? Will JFK stay sober enough to remember anyone's name? WHO DO YOU WANT TO EMERGE VICTORIOUS? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belfast Mags Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flip Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Stu being his usual self I see. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Iz now a handicap match. Sry. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest neesy111 Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 NWOAT Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
MKSC Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 NWOAT I thought that was reasonably banterous by Stu's standards. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 NWOAP Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest neesy111 Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 NWOAP Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinotheprehistoricgeordie Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Pardew to choke Kinnear to death outside of the ring while Mike and Lambeezy double KO each other, Rocky vs Apollo style. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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