Keefaz

Get in! Great FK after all that bullshit.

Alreet. That was for the ladies, not blokes with hair of lady length, Keef. Didn't know you were fussy. I like you well kept, mate. Keef with the Amelie bob. Fuck off, you.

Debuchy looking good.

Alreet. That was for the ladies, not blokes with hair of lady length, Keef. Didn't know you were fussy.

Well, he's on the pitch.

Alreet.

Milner and Parker. Two of the stodgiest players imaginable.

But... Cabaye!

Not sure Lescott looks amazing, like.

You fucking little monkey cunt.

How deep are we. This is gonna be feckin balls.

Good work, Cabaye.

Jesus Christ. How quiet is this? Almost wish the band had turned up.

Not been keeping up with any news, really. What is the explanation for the empty seats? The stadium's only half full, ffs.

Aye. Starting on the bench.

How can there be so many empty seats?

Fuck off with your countdown, man.

Oxlade-Chamberlain's fucked up all the football graphics across the European continent.

Christ. I thought he was gonna say "he is Jewish" there.

Carragher is one of the few men who actually talk with a squint. Sort it out, ffs.

Think our abject performances in the world cup have basically killed off any lingering fondness for the national side, tbh. Might be different if there were some Toon players in there. Or Geordies, come to that.

I'm still behind the England side, but it's really, really uninspiring. You take Rooney out, and there's almost nothing there bar Ashley Cole.

How come Duff always seems fairly useful for other sides? I hate the man.

Good footballs.

This match seems to be going on forever.