ChristopherLong-Johnson

Joelinton had a great game. Showed up. Man of the match for me.

Got one of those in my penis. Highly recommend.

Have we won yet?

Sounds like a keeper.

That Joe Linton fella is alright.

Bummed in the face. For a change.

3-4-3. Midfield and defense deploying a systematic pressure/cover/balance defensive approach in their own half when without the ball. Center forward either a clinical fox in the box type or a forward capable of playing a big man/link up role. The wide forwards are there to be quick and provide utter chaos in attack. They should be your stereotypical, hard to work with, temperamental, genius. The type of player where you don't know what they will do next because THEY don't know what they will do next either. Bog standard tactics: well drilled in defense, rigid approach, tight shape. Take away time and space of the opposition. In attack, stretch the play, create as much time and space as possible. We're not bothering chasing absolutely everything. If a high press is immediately beneficial then sure, otherwise sit deeper. Focus is on protecting the central column of the field. Don't give a shit about the wings. Everything has to come back inside anyway. The emphasis is on staying tight and compact. Fast counters where possible.

Love that useless twunt.

People are going to hate us. Remember when Roman took over Chelsea and bought them the Premier League? Remember how fun it was to hate everything about them? We're rich, we're going to buy success, we're 19th, 50% of our supporters are out licking windows. We're ripe for it. We're not the plucky underdog of the 90s. Get used to being the shit heel. Channel your inner Jose.

In fairness, some of us never had one.

Dunno, like. I saw him do a Cruyff on youtube. Looks quality to me.

Peter Lovelyhands.

Maybe we'll finally get Ottmar Hitzfeld.

Edgy political satire.