Keefaz

Looks like he's been fucking creosoted.

Only £78k Has he been snatched by Dr Evil? http://momama.net/images/Dr-Evil-dark.png One! Million! Naira! Bwahahahahahaha! What the fuck is that?

I think we'll have a good season if we suddenly sign up to Ligue 1.

Christ. It would be brilliant if Barton got together with Lady Gaga. He'd go out dressed as a bacon buttie and she could be a chicken hatching from an egg with her head popping out the top.

If anything, your ordinary punter is only familiar with the overall picture. And that picture looks like this: http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/6403/bosch1.jpg

I don't have time for real people: where were they during the 2009 Awards debacle? Do they even know who Marley the Dog is?

Sounds like Cheik has really worked on his game over summer.

That's him gone, tbh.

http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/5192/cardsa.gif Minutes per NUFC card. Hope that makes sense. Mike Dean will give out, on average, a card to a Newcastle player every 42.4 minutes. Assuming my maths isn't totally balls.

Also, dig this: when Halsey refs we lose ~50% of the matches. When Dunn refs: we lose only ~17% of games. Some mad results.

This is something I'm working on, but really: can anyone explain it? I'm not a mathematician: maybe I'm missing something obvious. Average points by ref in Premier League NUFC matches: http://img835.imageshack.us/img835/3978/points.gif When Steve Dunn was in charge we averaged 2.13 points per game. On the other side of the coin, we escaped with only 0.94 points on average when (the frankly detested) Uriah Rennie was in the middle. Putting aside all claims of bias: how can this be explained? Of Dunn's 23 games, 10 (43%) saw us face 'top-class' opposition: that is, teams in the all-time Premier League Top 10 (Man Utd, Chelsea, etc.) Six of those were away matches. Rennie officiated 9 games involving top class sides (52% of his total NUFC games), five of which were away matches. None of these differences would seem to be significant enough to explain the enormously different outcomes when these two refs presided over our matches.

MOTD's 'Two Alans' talk a load of shit, but they're right in saying that Man Utd are the ones to beat this season.

Quite impressed with Torres, though. Maybe he's not shot after all.

Tbf, this is the way to play Chelsea. I fucking hate Stoke, though.

I actually thought that meant the opposite of what it did. Thought it was a synonym for energised. As did this gimp on Setanta.

Aye, you should probably find out what the word 'enervated' means before you try to use it.

Also: http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/3121/niiiice.jpg

Or how long it's been on the ground.

What the fuck is up with your Internet? The US is censoring you or something. http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/2783/55940311.jpg

You're fucking wap.

He's not clicking on that because let me google that for you is the most passive aggressive shit on the internet. Dan refuses to play that petty game. I'm just trying to educate the ignorant motherfucker.

How can you not know what a bodywarmer is? Unless you're from Back To The Future.

What is a body warmer? Or is this just a slight on David Platt? http://lmgtfy.com/?q=bodywarmer

Like how before the ballyboy offered one of the Chelsea players the use of their towel. Sacked in the morning.