Memphis

I bet this is one amazing halftime team talk by the barely literate head coach.

Of course players don't look bothered. They're being managed by a weathered old idiot and playing for a club with no ambition to do anything. 

John Carver:

http://wii.mmgn.com/Lib/Images/Articles/Normal/11-Hilarious-Chinese-Game-Console-Rip-Offs-1089707.jpg

A pitiful knockoff of an outdated product.

Seeing those pictures reminded me of the time the Million Dollar Man was going to give a kid $500 if he could dribble a basketball 15 times, then kicked it away on the 14th. Mike Ashley would be proud. 

It's not even that Santon is a star player or anything, but he seemed to really love the club and be settled in the area.

The way he's been treated is very much a microcosm of the way the club has treated the supporters, really. Going out of their way to antagonise people that genuinely love the club in pursuit of just that little bit more money. That's why his fiancee's criticisms hit home and why the club's denial of them will look so ridiculous. Of course this is how they do business. It's how they always do business.

Funny how this whole thing has FINALLY shown to many -- and should have shown to all -- the existential crisis Newcastle United finds itself facing. All of the normal reasons why clubs sign players or choose managers don't apply to a club that exists merely to retain Premier League status so as to be a commercial front. In a normal situation, no club in its right mind would touch Carver with a ten foot pole.

Only a business built on the back of intense and mostly unjustifiable loyalty could still exist while treating its patrons with such rancor and contempt. And only by showing that loyalty cannot be taken for granted will that contempt have any chance of stopping. Old habits die hard, but they eventually die. I don't know how many prematurely aborted cup runs or how many muted, cold, callous statements it will take, but at some point, even the most loyal fan will stop supporting a team that doesn't particularly care.

If you indeed reap what you sow, this club will have a very rough next few years, because all they've sown is spite.

The beginning where he very specifically and patiently outlined how much they loved Pardew was extremely depressing. And a frankly disastrous way to start an interview.

More Applicants:

John Carver

Jon Carver

Juan Carver

Joan Carver

Jean Carvier

J.C. Arver

John Car-Ver

They are determined to depress the fans. They somehow both underpromise and underdeliver.

You won't ever get excited about anything regarding this club, yet somehow they depress you even further in spite of the fact you weren't even remotely excited to begin with.

Their brusque, uncaring, cold manner of communication is disgraceful and abusive in its own way. Fans really would do well to avoid SJP for a long, long time.

The timetable  - and how it's perceived by outsiders - is irrelevant to Ashley, Charnley, etc. They will have written off the Chelsea/Southampton matches regardless. I've always thought they wouldn't have any announcement until this past weekend at earliest, but most likely sometime this week. They don't think we'll be relegated, they don't think we'll make the EL, so why would they worry about rushing just for two matches (and again, I'm speaking here from their jaded perspective, not the rational thinking of a normal person)?

Everything still points to Garde. Or someone of his ilk, but he seems to meet every criteria.  Get him in, get him acclimated, get a signing or two in, see what happens the rest of the way.

Mostly turgid stuff really. Thought we played incredibly slowly, trying to build play as if we had Arsenal's quality,  only to see an inevitable heavy touch or errant pass destroy the move. Sissoko was quiet which automatically makes it virtually impossible for us to win.

We clearly need a fresh vision. Everyone's just going through the motions.

Very reasonable post Memphis, just can't help the fear.

I feel like a child laying in bed in the dark, trying to repeat to myself that there's no way there are monsters under the bed, all the while being unable to sleep.

Everything still points to Garde. No legitimate information has emerged to contradict any of the basic issues out there -- we want a European setup, looking for a head coach, want to find someone to maximise younger players, connection to France, etc. There's a lot of nonsense out there because there is a vacuum of actual information, and media, like nature, abhors a vacuum. So they fill it with tripe because they have to fill it with something. Virtually all of it is to be ignored.

The club has made it abundantly clear over the last few seasons they don't work on any kind of timetable. They take pleasure in hanging media -- and supporters -- out to dry. So this is nothing new for them. In fact, I'm quite sure they would have certainly written off Chelsea away and probably Southampton, too, so they'll be perfectly content to let it twist until the break.

I still think it's Garde, probably with confirmation early next week. Certainly hope so anyway.

Carver's steady hand in action:

The last few moves we have made have been logical. This one would be, too. We know Ashley is indifferent to the success of the club, assuming we stay up. He doesn't really care if we finish 5th or 17th. However, that isn't the same thing as actively wanting the club to be mediocre. Truthfully it will be to his benefit if we are successful; and to be successful within his ownership style we need a certain type of head coach.

We were stuck with a charlatan clinging to this job with every fibre of his being to the detriment of any excitement or ambition.

We have been given a huge lifeline by Palace. The logical move for Ashley now is to appoint someone who will jump at the chance to prove themselves in this job, while also - crucially - accommodating the European style setup we have.

To me, that narrows down the candidates greatly and ensures we will get a hungry manager. Garde is the obvious choice but perhaps Clement would work, too. Doubt Tuchel or de Boer are in the frame mostly because we have good candidates readily available.

We can be a larger version of Southampton with bigger pulling power. Over a few years of consistent work, that could put us in an enviable position especially if any instability in world markets causes the petro-owners to have to pull back their investment in football.

Obviously we f*** things up spectacularly all the time. But in this case everything logically points to an appointment, probably Garde but perhaps another, who will move the club forward on the pitch. That's all I can ask for now.

No good businessman leaves himself with just a single option. Even just for negotiating purposes, Ashley will want it to appear as if there are multiple candidates. If Garde is the only option, and he knows it, he can demand a big salary.

(To the tune of "Hard Day's Night")

"Remi Garde's black and white

well, he's come here from Lyon

Remi Garde's black and white

Sexy football from beyond

No more Alan Pardew

The fucking cunt said adieu

and now I feel all right"

Looking at it rather cynically, it's really quite smart (from a PR standpoint) to let Carver be in charge for Chelsea/Southampton games.  After that, you've got the break to bring someone (Garde?) in and get them integrated while also then conducting whatever transfer business we're going to do. You want the new guy to get off to the best possible start.

I would say that if we don't have a permanent head coach in place by sometime next weekend, then we're blatantly waiting until summer.

Fofana, I think.

Don't really think there's any more apt candidate than Garde, given his experience with terrible owners and transfer issues.

Here's another nice little piece from 3 or so years ago, when Garde was relatively new:

As the former head of OL’s youth training programme, Garde’s readiness to blood young players is unsurprising, but the real triumph of his man management is the way he has coaxed performances out of players, such as Bastos and Cissokho, who had seemed so traumatised by the events of last season. In doing so, the thoughtful 45-year-old has proved that a lack of financial muscle in the transfer market need not herald the death-knell for a team’s ambitions.

 

Privately criticised by former Lyon coach Raymond Domenech for being “too serious” during his playing days, Garde impressed Arsène Wenger at Arsenal with his ability to assess a player and swiftly asserted his authority this summer by jettisoning the 4-3-3 of the Puel era in favour of a sleek and straightforward 4-4-2.

 

With Gourcuff expected to return for the trip to PSG on October 2, Garde’s only headache concerns how to accomodate the French playmaker and club record signing in his new system. It is a state of affairs for which Puel would have given his right arm, and yet the resources from which Garde has hewn such an effective team were actually there all along.

There was a great quote from Arsene Wenger about Garde: "I have rarely seen a player who has such little confidence in himself transmit so much confidence in others."

For whatever it's worth, Moussa has just followed a number of French journalists on Twitter.

(And Karim Benzema and Adidas France, so I dunno)

I'd be surprised if it ended up being anything other than one of these four scenarios:

IF WE DON'T WANT TO PAY COMPENSATION BUT WANT A HEAD COACH QUICKLY: Garde now

IF WE DON'T MIND SOME COMPENSATION BUT WANT A HEAD COACH QUICKLY: Tuchel now

IF WE DON'T WANT TO PAY COMPENSATION AND THINK WE CAN SURVIVE UNTIL SUMMER: Carver as interim, then Galtier/Tuchel

IF WE'RE DUMB CHEAP SHIT-FOR-BRAINS ASSHOLES: Carver permanently, to our extreme detriment

All those options seem quite plausible to me, even the last one, sadly, though I'm hoping Carver will continue to disqualify himself through out and out stupidity and rank incompetence.

Stockholm syndrome has set in with a frighteningly large number of our supporters.

He can!

But not to build things.