Keefaz

A foul is not a yellow card, you fuckwit.

Similar thing happened to me when I was umpiring a cricket match at square-leg at school. I got distracted by a fucking wasp or something. Next thing I know, they're appealing for LBW. Obviously, I had no idea what happened so I gave him out, because their appeal was so raucous. Of course, he wasn't even close to being out and I got absolutely ripped into for days. Petty fuckers.

Shit ref ruin match.

Nice range of cardigans in the dugout.

They're alreet, tbh. Nowt awful, nowt brilliant.

Bwahahahahaa!

Picture the scene: a tiny village in rural France. There is a fete on the football ground with games, crafts, a tombola, music and booze. There is a penalty shootout competition. I step up as sole representative of this island and our fair city. I place the ball on the spot as the fat keeper from the village team hurls insults at me. I turn my back, walk three steps, spin 180 degrees and curl the ball into the top-right corner. England's pride is intact. Geordies are viewed in awe. I played for the village team a bit later and they soon came to learn how shit I really am, but for a moment I was Alan Shearer, Gazza and Bobby Moore rolled into one.

Friday 18 June 12:15pm - 2:40pm, World Cup MOTD Live: Germany v Serbia BBC1 The German cybermen continue their domination of the world...of football. 2:45pm - 5:15pm, World Cup MOTD Live: Slovenia v USA BBC1 Yanks get humiliated by tiny country. 6:30pm - 9:45pm, World Cup Live: England v Algeria ITV1 All England--excluding Sunderland--are behind the three lions for tonight's crucial fixture. 9:45pm - 10:15pm, James Corden's World Cup Live ITV1 The unfunny fatman's guests tonight are Russell Brand, Noel Gallagher and David Seaman. 10:00pm - 10:30pm, MOTD 2010 FIFA World Cup BBC2 Colin Murray wonders where the fuck Pat Nevin got to. 10:50pm - 11:50pm, World Cup Highlights ITV1 Adrian Chiles recalls fondly the times he spent watching Christine Bleakley's sideboob.

What's with the puma over the groin? Looks absolutely ridiculous.

It's hard to take criticism about being poorly travelled seriously from an American, like.

Like a Scott Parker: tries hard but ultimately shite then gets in a mood and fucks off.

Yorkie's peaked.

Such a f***ing ball, man. still prefer the early 70's eastern euro black and white style ball. we are too young we will take your word for it, or a pic? Just a hollow log covered in leather.

Aye, nice to have someone not totally scripted. Having said that, thought the Beeb team were very good tonight with the exception of Bright who shat all over everything.

Think the pundits tonight have been really good for a change.

Great video, btw. The process is un-fucking-believable.

You can see the ball behaves oddly, though. Doesn't seem to bend or dip properly at all. Maybe it's the altitude.

Christ. It's a cheese-eating surrender monkey! I just got it.

How well will Mexico do? Look decent to me, but hard to tell against such a half-arsed fucking side.

C'est fini! Stitch that.

Players hiding behind the fucking goal, man.

Can't imagine there have been many more half-time changes less effective than those made by Domenech today. Actually made his team worse.

Any truth to the rumours that the French players have actually gone on strike? Is this part of a go-slow protest?

They should lock Domenech in a room with the PA guy.

Such a half-arsed performance. You'd think they'd actually want to try to win the World Cup..? Maybe not.