Beren

If he was 5'5" perhaps. But seriously, properly useless so far.

Could Anita be a bigger passenger?

Not a fucking clue how to attack.

We're actually playing like Stoke. Actually

We keep it to 0-0 at 70 minutes, there'll be about five minutes of the ball in play in the subsequent 20 minutes plus added time

Don't cross from there, man.

Push out!

Cisse

Sissoko is like an ox!

Need to press higher up the pitch as a team

Seeing the Sports Direct stuff around the ground still sucks. More so on big nights for some reason.

Wow. So Gerrard is why he is so concerned about keeping it tight.

Class skeletor

Like fuck has he won me over

Wonder if the real management of the club have instructed for the more lucrative Premier League survival to be prioritised.

He's the absolute worst of the worst. Get the feeling they hand pick the absolute best Newcastle trolls they can to anchor.

Oh great, Chris Coleman.

'Polic, I can read you like a book. You're digging on Pardew.

What a little bitch Pardew is "Concerned about their goalkeeper's height/heading ability if Benfica get a corner and he comes up, so Shola Ameobi will be man-marking the goalkeeper tonight"

MYM: Eh Pardieu, so is Colo back, will he be playing with me in the quarter-final... AP: Erm, no MYM: Oh, well, we're not perfect but me and Saylor are developing okay. AP: Well, Saylor is actually in the treatment room... MYM: What!? Perch?! Against Benfica... this is not good... AP: Perchinho is on the bench. MYM: http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/misc-are-you-fucking-kidding-me-clean-l.png

Meanwhile in Chelsea...

He isn't a step up at all at centre back. Especially if they bring on the 6'4" Cardozo.