Extracts from ‘The Magpie Prince: Why Does MbS Want to Buy Newcastle United?’ by Tom Pollitt, published on Inside Arabia;
Given driving-bans for entirely different reasons:
‘Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MbS) is the de facto ruler of a desert Kingdom where drinking alcohol is officially illegal and, until recently, half of the population were prohibited from driving simply for being women. It may seem surprising therefore that he has taken interest in the rainy British city of Newcastle, a place where it is unofficially illegal not to drink alcohol and where the locals (known as Geordies) are given driving-bans for entirely different reasons.’
Penchant for violence:
‘In fact, aside from a shared, well-documented penchant for violence, MbS has little in common with Newcastle folk. So, what could he possibly want with them?’
Cannot understand a word the locals are saying;
‘For a man notorious for his opposition to freedom of speech, it will be refreshing for him to get involved with a city where outsiders cannot understand a word the locals are saying.’
Often becoming violent in order to protect their treasure:
‘It is fitting that MbS wants to buy the Magpies, as the magpie is the animal whose lifestyle most resembles his own. The crafty black-and-white birds are known for collecting and hoarding shiny objects, often becoming violent in order to protect their treasure.’
Rendered the country scarcely better to live in than Newcastle:
‘Saudi Arabia is a country much maligned for its militarism, religious fundamentalism, and human rights abuses. To list just a few of the myriad atrocities, the kingdom routinely executes more people than any other country and is carrying out a harrowing air-war in Yemen that has driven hundreds of thousands into famine and rendered the country scarcely better to live in than Newcastle.’
Naturally, Newcastle fans have never heard of him:
‘Then there is the widely reported murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul in December 2018, an act for which MbS is widely held responsible. MbS’ brutal crackdown on domestic dissent has also been widely publicized, as have his (largely exaggerated) steps towards so-called “modernization.” Suffice it to say, the prince is a major player on the world stage and you would have to be living in a remote, tribal community not to be familiar with him. Naturally, Newcastle fans have never heard of him.’
The internet is full of bewildered members of Newcastle’s “toon army” of fans:
‘While MbS is a big fan of flogging, the modern football supporter is more into blogging and vlogging. The internet is full of bewildered members of Newcastle’s “toon army” of fans, barely containing their excitement, desperately trying to figure out who this bloke is and whether he really has £280 billion. Who said football can’t be educational?’
Like a Newcastle fan on a night out. “[MbS is] volatile and arrogant:
‘The way the CIA describes MbS makes him sound like a Newcastle fan on a night out. “[MbS is] volatile and arrogant,” an anonymous intelligence official told the Washington Post. “Someone who goes from zero to 60 [and] doesn’t seem to understand that there are some things you can’t do.” So, maybe the fans will like the prince when they get to know him.’
As yet unidentified language spoken by the people of Newcastle:
‘For one thing, he [MbS] would need an interpreter to translate his no-doubt inspiring motivational speeches from Arabic into English and a second interpreter to translate them from English into the as yet unidentified language spoken by the people of Newcastle. In reality, he may not need to do very much.’
Many of them would be willing to accept a bid from Lucifer:
‘Besides, in defense of Newcastle fans’ willingness to overlook MbS’ crimes, many of them would be willing to accept a bid from Lucifer himself if it meant finally seeing the back of Ashley.’
just shows how out of his depth brewcy is. he's only now looking into whether Kell is allowed to play. should have done this weeks ago. wtf?