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See those pen stats make no sense. 81% of pens in matches scored, but only 66% in pen shootouts. Aye, but almost all pens during matches are taken by experienced penalty-takers. Mongs.

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I reckon Big Sam is having a soapy w*** in the bath to that show btw.

 

He's had a busy week:

 

"There was a pregnant foreign lass on the bus who looked disgusted. I clasped my balls tightly and sang "Land of Hope and Glory" at her."

 

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SUNDAY 6 JUNE

 

12.00-12.30, ESPN: FIFA World Cup Official Film 1978

 

18.00-22.00, ITV1: Soccer Aid

There's no other football match like it. Where else would Zinedine Zidane pick up a lovely through ball from Mike Myers? Where else could you see Ricky Hatton elbow Gordon Ramsay off a cross or Alan Shearer embarrassed by some neat footwork from Simon Baker, star of The Mentalist? These names and dozens more join forces for an England v Rest of the World match in aid of Unicef.

 

21.00-22.00, BBC3: Wags, Kids and World Cup Dreams

Five WAGs experience the reality of life behind the World Cup gloss by working in some of the poorest, most deprived neighbourhoods in South Africa. The WAGs fly to White River, a poor rural district with one of the highest rates of HIV infection anywhere in South Africa, where their job is to work as foster mothers to children orphaned by AIDS. But for one of them the desperately poor conditions proves too difficult to deal with.

 

22.00-23.00, ITV1: Piers fucking Morgan's fucking World Cup South Africa Tosspotathon

In the build-up to Africa's first ever football World Cup, colossal twat Piers Morgan journeys to South Africa and finds a country with a passion for football even greater than his own massive fucking ego, the prick. He also discovers how the country has progressed since the end of apartheid twenty years ago.

 

22.00-23.00, ITV4: Soccer Aid Extra Time

Post-match bollocks

 

 

If I've missed any, please add.

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Guest Geordiesned

England v Cameroon from 1990 World Cup on ESPN Classic right now. 2nd half just starting.

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He's a right bell-end! "2 and a half billion people watching you - that's even more than I've had" - Yes, because your a t*** of the highest proportion.

 

Aye, couldn't believe he actually said that. I rewinded it to make sure I hadn't misheard, he said it like such a cunt aswell. The unbelievable cunt.

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He's a right bell-end! "2 and a half billion people watching you - that's even more than I've had" - Yes, because your a t*** of the highest proportion.

 

Aye, couldn't believe he actually said that. I rewinded it to make sure I hadn't misheard, he said it like such a c*** aswell. The unbelievable c***.

 

Putting Piers' twattery aside - It makes you appreciate how much of a difference football makes to peoples lives and furthermore society.

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Is he deed? That singer? I haven't been paying attention...

 

Aye, died of meningitis just a week or so ago.

 

I put up with Morgantwat for that whole show and was left feeling depressed that the poor bloke died right at the end. Man.

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