Keefaz

I've heard from a good source that we'll sign three players tomorrow. Two from the same club.

Whatevs, Parklife.

How excrementitious.

Aye, he's decided Ben Arfa's not getting a bib.

Arfa Toon Haggle Farce.

Farcelona.

Ben Arfa Farce would be a good name, though.

My dad never took me. He offered once, I think, but we were in the second division and I didn't fancy it. I've took him plenty of times since, but he always moans about us regardless of performance.

Those quotes are at least two days old, irrc.

Nowt's happened. Hope your appendix feels better. Nowt's happened. Hope your appendix feels better. Thanks mate. It hurts like a motherfucker now like, but it is still nowt compared to last night. Emergency surgery? Or was it planned?

Nowt's happened. Hope your appendix feels better.

Anyway, if he stays fit, Cardiff will absolutely piss that division.

how? For Cardiff, it's their best transfer in years, but for Bellamy and Citeh it's absolutely fucking stupid.

Bwahahaha.

Worst move in the entire fucking universe.

Hope Hughton gets the tape and goes through it with the midfielders in particular. No one got near Scholes, and Nolan was just totally absent.

Shagging the shop keeper. Turns out she's been making a toasted cheese sandwich for about half an hour.

As an aside: the bird said she was going to the corner shop about 50 minutes ago and hasn't come back.

Carroll won't just get us goals, he'll do a lot for the team. Crucial player, tbh, as we've absolutely nowt behind him. Except Xisco.

It's still depressing that none of our players can't get anywhere near Scholes, and he's now 500 years old.

Think Carroll played well. The entire midfield was shit. That's about it.

Wot. OK, I'll give it up. Get a haircut. Get a quickie divorce. What we doing here? Trying to deflect attention from the pounding we are getting at Old Trafford, I think... Standard OT loss. Nowt to see here, tbf.

Xisco tries to stroke it home.

Oh, piss off.