Keefaz

Nolan looks totally shagged.

When Forest have the ball, they absolutely kill us.

WHERE IS THE MIDFIELD?! Argh. This is bad.

Forest first to everything. We're basically not playing. Fucking disgraceful.

Haven't even seen the ball so far. Awful.

Our midfield might as well not be there.

Nice of Enrique to give them the ball back there.

Getting slightly face-bummed here.

Think if we had Darren Bent and Jones, we'd give them a decent game, tbh.

Always keep a diamond in your mind. You gotta to always keep a diamond... in YOUR MIND!

How many minutes has Geremi played this season?

Giggs just scored!

Doesn't take into account so many other crucial factors, especially in our case.

What are the thoughts if your Argentinian persons about Jonas? Cos' I don't think he's looked much cop (kop?) for the national team, either, tbh.

Like a shit gangster.

Think it was close to a million.

To say Run DMC had a habit of 'borrowing' from other songs would be putting it politely.

I can imagine half of SJP belting that out in falsetto. Would be amazing.

Ha! I hope this is the start of a weekly round-up...

Nothing surprising about France, imo.

Great to see some WC newbies. Absolutely magic when they pull a performance out the bag against a big name.

Back then I'd say Michael Laudrup was the key player in your team. The amount of goals he setup for Romário was fantastic. Laudrup was one of the best players I've ever seen, yet he tends to be underrated as his name never seems to be mentioned amongst the greats of the last 20 years or so. In my life I can possibly only think of Zidane who had vision that good. Tooj is correct!

Thought he could cut inside, considering he has no crossing skills at all of which to speak.

The spare is always a 3rd keeper. True, but it can be any player of course. But it never is. Likewise he could pick 23 GK's. Might try this on FM. Post a screen shot or let us know how you get on. http://www.newcastle-online.org/nufcforum/index.php/topic,65038.0.html

Idea born here: http://www.newcastle-online.org/nufcforum/index.php/topic,62592.msg2023111.html#msg2023111 After kicking Capello out of his job, I'm brought before the press for my first conference as England manager: http://img131.imageshack.us/img131/6070/press1.jpg FourFourTwo ask me about tactics. I decide to be honest, and suggest I'll take quite a defensive approach: YES! BY FIELDING 11 GOALKEEPERS! (There's not an option to tell them that, though) After succesfully evading questions regarding my plans for the England, my first move as Head Coach is to sack all the outfield players (obviously): http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/8786/removesquad.jpg http://img399.imageshack.us/img399/3591/outfieldwhat.jpg And replace them with 22 additional English goalkeepers: http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/5281/keepers.jpg The press seem a little uncertain about my move once the squad is announced before the Czech Republic friendly pencilled in for August, however, I'm hamstrung by the fact that only 49% of players in the PL are English! And even less of them are goalkeepers! http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/6442/squadannounced.jpg Getting closer to match-day, I start working on tactics with the lads. I've decide to go with a straight-forward 4-4-2 with the deadly Newcastle-based strike partnership of Steve Harper and Fraser Forster up front. A midfield of Robert Green, Joe Hart, Scott Carson and Richard Wright, and the familiar back four of Kirkland, Foster, Robinson and Taylor. As you can imagine, the hardest choice was picking who would go between the sticks. I opted for James based on the logic that if he has a shitter, I can just rotate him with any of the outfield players. http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/6208/tactics.jpg As the big day finally rolls around, morale is sky-high and I call the lads into the dressing room for the team-talk. I decide to be positive and challenge the players to get the result I know they're capable of: http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/7322/teamtalk1.jpg We kick off and after 5 minutes we go a goal down (yeah, I forgot to take a screenshot). By half-time, well... http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/7906/htstats.jpg I decide we've been too conservative: our tackling ratio is off the chart, but we've yet to muster a single shot. http://img399.imageshack.us/img399/7747/htchanges.jpg I decide, reluctantly, to take Forster off and put Ian Walker on for his invaluable experience (which, admittedly, doesn't actually include playing as striker for England... or any team, in fact). After a verbal lashing, I send the lads out... ...and they concede within a minute (again no screencap). The player seeing most of the ball is David James: http://img118.imageshack.us/img118/7448/safehands.jpg and by the 70 minute mark we're 6 goals down. I ring the changes, push Jamo upfront and go hell for leather. Almost instantly Kirkland goes close! Close-ish. Actually, his shot goes out for a throw-in, but it's an instant improvement. Sadly, well... http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/8528/woeful.jpg http://img390.imageshack.us/img390/9918/ftstats.jpg The 28% of possession probably includes the time it took for David James to continuously retrieve ball from the back of his net. Still, I'm proud of the lads' effort: http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/8038/ftteamtalk.jpg The press aren't quite as considerate and Richard Wright in particular gets a verbal cuffing for his slipshod performance on the right wing: http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/4002/wrightdiss.jpg I stick up for the lad, naturally. Later in the day, I'm informed that our 8-0 defeat at the hands of the Czechs is the worst England result of all time: http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/3500/record1.jpg But, happily, I also broke another long-standing record: http://img118.imageshack.us/img118/331/record2.jpg Stick that, Theo. After what was, to be frank, the utter humiliation of my experiment I decide to call it quits. However, if you think England were shit under my stewardship, look who's waiting in the wings: http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/4407/retire.jpg