OzzieMandias

Richer than Ashley? Don't have to be. Just rich enough to offer a price that would induce him to sell.

Great! A sort of Icelandic Thaksin!

I bet West Ham wouldn't have done as well last season.

I thought of doing the poll without the mackems, on the assumption that they'd obviously come top and I was more interested to see how the other clubs scored. But I'm glad I didn't, as it's fascinating how closely Spurs are pacing them. I'd no idea my long-nurtured negativity towards London's wankiest club was so widely shared.

It's a pity you can't set up a poll so the biggest scores go to the top, like a real league table.

Same but with Man U instead of Chelsea. So many to choose from!

Already looks like Liverpool, Spurs and West Ham will put in a good showing.

I put Liverpool, Chelsea, Tottenham, West Ham and the mackems. But I could easily have added five more.

When you scan the results, leaving aside their affect on our own league placing, who do you most want to lose? Which clubs cause you to curse? What teams are the top tossers? Whose supporters suck the most? Five choices each, so we don't just all vote for the mackems. Let's see who else is up there in the legendary League Table of Hate! >

Unless you are one of the millions of people who use a Mac, in which case they take your money, don't reply to your emails, and don't allow you to listen to the commentary.

One week later and the customer service department is as silent as the audio commentary itself -- an automated reply to my email, and then nothing. I attempted today to find out more, or look for another way to contact them, and what do I get? The last came after I pressed the "send" button, trying to contact them via the form on their "help" section. Useless bastards!

Did your sense of humour catch fire too? Making you a dull prick? Such devastating wit. I am crushed. And we live in hope that you, one day, literally will be Who's "we"? You and the second cousin of your next-door neighbour's hairdresser who heard that they'd taken the word "gullible" out of the dictionary?

If someone had tried to blackmail me into saying something the way Shepherd did with Owen, I would have kept my mouth shut too.

Did your sense of humour catch fire too? Making you a dull prick? Such devastating wit. I am crushed.

I heard from a taxi driver that his mate's nephew was at a club in London where lots of, like, dead famous footballers go, and they were all burning 50 notes all over the place. But Bellamy was there and he was rushing around dousing the flames with an emerald-encrusted fire extinguisher.

Quite a lot of money going up in smoke, really.

No I didn't see it. Nor did I see the holocaust. Nor did I see September the 11th, did it REALLY happen? So, if we find you a link to the holocaust, or September 11th, are you going to provide us with some evidence of this Bellamy story? Yeah, I've already found you a link. The link is a guy at work's son. Chase that up what you will, before dismissing it. Cheers xxx Yeah, well my next-door neighbour's cousin goes to school with your guy-at-work's-son and says he's a stupid c***. Prove me wrong. I don't need to. Common sense prevails telling me and probably others that you've just made that up acting the nob. Just like no one believes your friend of a friend of a friend tripe. Except you, like. Son of a friend. Don't you pay attention? OMGGGGZZZ it's word ov mouth lyk it cant be true! FINGS R ONLI TRU WEN DEY APPEAR IN DA DAILY STAR SO AM NOT BELIVIN DIS BULSHITT MAN! Oh yeah, son of a friend. That makes all the difference. Clearly a bullshitter then. He went and told his Dad this after making it up. Or alternatively, his Dad made up the story on his long journey into work before telling me about it. People's imaginations, huh? Oh wait, didn't Dyer get accused of this once? s***! OMGZ DYER GOT ACCUSED OF IT. ONLY ONE PLAYA CAN BE ACCUSED OF AN INCIDENT LYK THIS, ALL DA REST ARE IMMEDIATELY UNTRUE LYK! His son probably heard it from his dad who'd heard it from a guy at work who'd heard it from his son. You're a class act you. You probably find it hard to believe, not being from this country. But people DO see footballers out and about you know. To me, it's just Steve's lad who saw Bellers, not the friends of a mothers friend scenario at all. Your assumption about my nationality speaks volumes for your perspicacity and intelligence.

With any luck it's just the first of many such incidents.

No I didn't see it. Nor did I see the holocaust. Nor did I see September the 11th, did it REALLY happen? So, if we find you a link to the holocaust, or September 11th, are you going to provide us with some evidence of this Bellamy story? Yeah, I've already found you a link. The link is a guy at work's son. Chase that up what you will, before dismissing it. Cheers xxx Yeah, well my next-door neighbour's cousin goes to school with your guy-at-work's-son and says he's a stupid c***. Prove me wrong. I don't need to. Common sense prevails telling me and probably others that you've just made that up acting the nob. Just like no one believes your friend of a friend of a friend tripe. Except you, like. Son of a friend. Don't you pay attention? OMGGGGZZZ it's word ov mouth lyk it cant be true! FINGS R ONLI TRU WEN DEY APPEAR IN DA DAILY STAR SO AM NOT BELIVIN DIS BULSHITT MAN! Oh yeah, son of a friend. That makes all the difference. Clearly a bullshitter then. He went and told his Dad this after making it up. Or alternatively, his Dad made up the story on his long journey into work before telling me about it. People's imaginations, huh? Oh wait, didn't Dyer get accused of this once? SHIT! OMGZ DYER GOT ACCUSED OF IT. ONLY ONE PLAYA CAN BE ACCUSED OF AN INCIDENT LYK THIS, ALL DA REST ARE IMMEDIATELY UNTRUE LYK! His son probably heard it from his dad who'd heard it from a guy at work who'd heard it from his son.

My milkman's granddad heard from a guy down the post office that it was actually a sapphire-studded flamethrower.

No I didn't see it. Nor did I see the holocaust. Nor did I see September the 11th, did it REALLY happen? So, if we find you a link to the holocaust, or September 11th, are you going to provide us with some evidence of this Bellamy story? Yeah, I've already found you a link. The link is a guy at work's son. Chase that up what you will, before dismissing it. Cheers xxx Yeah, well my next-door neighbour's cousin goes to school with your guy-at-work's-son and says he's a stupid c***. Prove me wrong. I don't need to. Common sense prevails telling me and probably others that you've just made that up acting the nob. Just like no one believes your friend of a friend of a friend tripe. Except you, like. Son of a friend. Don't you pay attention? OMGGGGZZZ it's word ov mouth lyk it cant be true! FINGS R ONLI TRU WEN DEY APPEAR IN DA DAILY STAR SO AM NOT BELIVIN DIS BULSHITT MAN! Oh yeah, son of a friend. That makes all the difference.

Maybe he burnt ten fivers, one after another, probably using a gold-plated cigarette lighter.

No I didn't see it. Nor did I see the holocaust. Nor did I see September the 11th, did it REALLY happen? So, if we find you a link to the holocaust, or September 11th, are you going to provide us with some evidence of this Bellamy story? Yeah, I've already found you a link. The link is a guy at work's son. Chase that up what you will, before dismissing it. Cheers xxx Yeah, well my next-door neighbour's cousin goes to school with your guy-at-work's-son and says he's a stupid c***. Prove me wrong. I don't need to. Common sense prevails telling me and probably others that you've just made that up acting the nob. Just like no one believes your friend of a friend of a friend tripe. Except you, like.