Shak

We'd have totally banged by the end of the night.

You surprised by the start? Like, I know they need a couple more additions ideally but it's a pretty established group of players they have there and I expected Ten Haag would have them playing with a bit more energy and purpose than we've seen so far.

Must say I'm delighted that Ten Haag has them looking so clueless. Have had this sneaking worry that he might be the one to lead them back to being an established title challenger but they've looked completely directionless and shite so far this season, gives me hope.

I always hope for a draw when two of our rivals play each other. Makes sense to me

Think the most likely scenario for him and Diaby is that we were genuinely interested in them but over time other targets became available. Also, as he's been here longer, Howe's vision for the team is likely to have evolved which means that there may not be a need for a player like Maddison anymore.

He's been really good IMO.

Very annoying in the short term but I think it'll be better in the long run. It's not hard to show a reasonable level of respect to an official, players will catch on soon and we'll have very few yellows for it and less cuntery.

Surely made more sense to sign a proper CM and play Fernandes there? Have Eriksen in that position too for depth, really weird signing Mount.

Why were all those players yelling at Son? There was no pass on to any of them

Isak is miles better than him though, so there's that.

A part of this signing that I really like is his apparent ability to play the LCM position if needed. I've been hoping we'd bring in another winger but the fact that Hall can play LCM means more flexibility to push Joelinton forward into a wide role if needed. If our business is done this summer I could see us being able to go big on a CB and winger next summer as we look quite deep elsewhere.

I'm always encouraging encouraging my Brazilian students to get out there and start shagging and having babies with Irish people, no sign of any results yet in terms of talented football prospects. That said, they're not sending their best and fastest-footed. Went to the park for a kickabout a month or two ago and all the Brazilians were completely shite.

Most of our most talented young athletes end up playing hurling or GAA, is my theory. Be great if we get a decent generation coming through, moreso if a few of them are at Newcastle too.

Bruno didn't screw Quet. Quet screwed Quet.

Send some Man U employees around to his ex-wife's gaff to beat her up. Then ask for public feedback on the move.

I just can't believe how badly a company the size of Manchester United could handle this. They've managed to both make themselves look like complete cunts and also lose their talented player. Avoiding one of those things should have been extremely manageable

I do wonder if something came back on Paqueta in some sort of NUFC investigation into him last summer. Been plenty of talk about how much of a value we place on character under the new regime so maybe there were red flags. Playing style wise he's an absolutely perfect fit for us, would have added some creativity on the ball that we lack too. Seemed like the deal was there to be done, made sense and Paqueta and NUFC were both up for it. Until all of a sudden we just weren't...

It's mad that I'm at the point where I feel confident that the people doing our transfer business are just massively competent and I trust what they're doing implicitly. Like, my mind is telling me we're light on the wings... but I also think that if we don't bring a winger in it just means that I'm probably wrong

I think people are overestimating how much of a fuck opposing players will give about any of this. At least not to the point that anyone is going to go out and risk harming their team by kicking the shit out of him.

I'll never top "Home New York" from that WhatsApp group.

Don't think so? "gan radge" has two syllables and is replacing the phrase "feel the heat" from the song, which has three.

Needs another syllable. "I wanna gan geet radge with Tonali" maybe

Considered "I want to make Ragu with Tonali" for the second line but went more Newcastle than Italy with it

"Cos Tonali's a Geordie" would be the last line, surely? I wanna dance Tonali I wanna gan to Toon with Tonali Yeah I wanna dance with Tonali Cos Tonali's a Geordie Works in terms of syllables and I just sang it to myself and the wife wasn't disgusted by it at all.

After Willock's setback, I'd be very surprised if he goes out on loan now. Had Willock been back to 100% by the end of the window I'd have thought there was a fair chance Anderson would go but we really need him now IMO.