Memphis

The standard for writing and punditry regarding Newcastle is shocking. Even Douglas' piece today, while mentioning Pardew being deserving of a sack, barely scratches the surface of the rationale behind such a move. Whether it's through being on the club's payroll, being too afraid to ruffle feathers, or just plain thick, it's embarrassing to read. The divide between journalists/pundits (except for Caulkin, pretty much) is vast and infuriating. And to get back to the topic of this thread, it matters not who we sign because we're either going to Pardew the shit out of them or sell them on before they can make a real impact for us.

We have scored precisely 6 goals in the 11 matches since Cabaye was sold. All 6 against Hull, Crystal Palace, and Villa. 10 points out of a possible 33. So we've failed to score in 8 of those 11 matches. No one should be allowed to continue doing a job as poorly as Pardew has done without getting more media criticism. He is bulletproof. It's astonishing. Fans attending matches at SJP haven't seen the home side score 2 goals in a game since Boxing Day. Manchester United scored twice as many Premier League goals at SJP yesterday as Newcastle United have in calendar year 2014. That sentence alone would get 99% of managers sacked.

Funny that headbutts nowadays are always headpresses but in any event Pardew is a complete idiot of the highest order for doing that. How he could ever demand composure from his players after that display is beyond me. Easy to see why his teams so rarely come back from adversity; he can't seem to deal with the simplest of conflicts on the touch line. A manager headbutting a player? It defies all logic. So embarrassing for everyone.

He's been completely found out. Bereft of ideas and ability to generate even an ounce of extra motivation - not that players would be motivated anyway due to the club's complete and obvious lack of ambition - from any of the squad. Should have been sacked ages ago, of course, but he's going to have to go soon. He's taken international-level players and Pardewed them down to headless chickens running around. He's taken wonderfully creative talents and sanded them down to pitiful nubs. He's a fraud and a charlatan. It's not as if removing him would solve all or even most of the club's problems, but seeing his face as the frontman for this rabble is infuriating.

Not our worst performance but probably the most depressing one. The malaise surrounding the club is palpable. It virtually oozes out of the pores of every player on the pitch. There is nothing to play for, no one capable of giving the team something to play for, no leadership on the pitch and certainly none off it. It is a slow slide to the inevitable lower mid-table finish and to whatever awaits us in the summer. Players aren't motivated, why on earth would the supporters be? This is the inevitable end to the argument that mere existence in the glory of the Premier League should be our only hope. We have it, and for what? To have weekly confirmations on the pitch that we exist merely to make up the numbers in the world's richest league? What supporter wouldn't get excited about that? This season has made me less angry than just sad.

Few journalists write with the passion and skill he does.

Remember the club's motto:

http://inbedwithmaradona.com/100-2013-review/2013/12/8/filip-duricic Go on then...

If you constantly worry about what your players CAN'T do, while worrying only about what the opposition CAN do, you're going to be a pragmatic, dour, boring manager with no ambition. You'll never get beyond your expectations because you won't allow yourself to have that chance. Thus is it ever with Pardew. Think small and you can only fail small, but you'll never win big. If you cannot find a role for HBA in a starting XI that's often bereft of creativity, you are managing wrongly. If you are too worried about what the likes of West Brom will do to test the limits of what your team - with HBA - can do against them, you are doing it wrong.

http://www.squawka.com/teams/newcastle-united/stats#total-goals-scored#english-barclays-premier-league#season-2013/2014#64#all-matches#1-19#goal-mouth-zone Click on the tab marked "pitch view" and you can see that 7 of the goals have come from outside the box. There are lots and lots of other interesting tidbits throughout the site.

It was a very mini-Mourinho effort from Pardew today. Looked very reminiscent of the Chelsea/Arsenal match last Monday, very tight and pretty boring, one moment would win it - they got it, we didn't. That style is not a lot of fun to watch, and without the phenomenal talent at Mourinho's disposal, it becomes stultifyingly unambitious. The style of play also requires great physical exertion, and without the depth of talent Chelsea have (and an unwillingness to rotate even amongst the talent we do have), we will tend to tire, as we did today. Not bad, just not good enough. That said, we are, as usual, in a position where a bit more investment would allow us to be more expansive and have a go at a decent position. We will not go for it, of course, but we aren't far away.

First half we were not good at all. Looked tired, didn't have much tempo or energy. Sissoko wasn't very good at all in a more advanced role in the middle, while Santon was the worst player in black and white, did little going forward and was susceptible in defence. Whelan got his first yellow for kicking the ball away, not the challenge - kicking it away is an easy timewasting yellow, no doubt. The second was a yellow every day of the week, a straight thuggish hack of the legs. Stoke can have little complaint. Personally I didn't think the second was a red, looked like another defender was there to cover. It was certainly a penalty, though. At that point it was over as a contest but we asserted the dominance well without overexerting ourselves. I thought it was overall a controlled performance with an eye on the calendar, knowing we don't have much depth and have quite a few games to play. We were walking a fine line in the first half by doing that, and it might have cost us, but in the second the two reds made it easy. Cabaye's goal was brilliant, Debuchy's pass gave the ball all the pace it would need, Cabaye simply redirected it beautifully into the net. Ben Arfa looked magnificent though his inclusion on the wing pushes Sissoko back inside, which he didn't seem to cope with well on this evidence. Perhaps it's just an adjustment thing.

Tired tired performance. Tactics suggested trying to keep the players fresh for as long as possible by more or less letting Swansea play as much as they liked in the first two-thirds of the pitch. Would have been an ideal time to rotate a few players. Not that we've got a huge squad but it would have helped a really leggy performance.

Hard to imagine anyone getting less from more. So many of our top players have declined in form under this genius. Transfer window hardly matters when you know that the sharpness of a top player will be dullened to a round lump by the time Pards gets done with his tremendous management.

He's been Pardew'd.

To be forced to play Dummett/Williamson as a CB partnership in a match like this... Occasion was too big for Dummett, hopefully it provides a huge learning platform but it could very easily stunt his budding confidence. Hope he's managed well. Genuinely baffled by what the tactics even were when we had the ball. He must have told them something, but what? "Give it to Cabaye or Ben Arfa then DO NOT MOVE WITHOUT THE BALL! Let them have a go from 30 yards. Should work well."

Embarrassing how we allowed them to control the match with nothing but effort and desire. We were so slow, so plodding, so unbelievably leaden in attack it was embarrassing. Pardew's managed 6 points from a possible 18 against those. That's pitiful especially considering how shit they've been.

I don't speak Spanish but according to a commenter on Deadspin, this was the translation: "GOOOOAAAAAAL The US of A PUTS us in the playoffs!!!!!" USA! "It is because of the USA that we are being placed in the playoff ...BECAUSE OF THEM , NOT DUE TO YOU..NOT ANY OF YOU in the green shirts ....IT WAS THEM!!.NOT YOU!..THEY DID IT!!!!!NOT YOU! remember this forever..... KEEP THIS CLEARLY IN MIND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES! You do NOTHING for the shirt, you do NOT put the effort, you have NOTplaced us in the playoffs , you HAVE NOT placed us in the WORLD CUP ..YOU WOULD NOT HAVE KEPT US ALIVE....IT WAS ESTADOS UNIDOS, NOT YOU.! .NOT YOU AND YOUR ARROGANCE/CONCEIT.....NOT YOU AND YOUR INFAMY....NOT YOU AND YOUR MORONS/PUNKS.... .... "IT IS A FAILURE.....and UNDESERVED -to go through to the playoff- WE HAD NO ARGUMENTS to earn the playoffs, THE USA, WITH SUBS , WITH MANY SUBS as the visiting team shows us once again what the USA is all about ....how to play the game with dignity, how to approach the sport..Mexico is a horror, just terrible....A FAILURE.... ...... THE USA HAS SURPASSED US ..They are better than Mexico in SOCCER ....THEY EVEN HAVE THE LUXURY OF PLAYING THEIR SUBS and KEEPING US LIVE.... I hope our coach wears the pants and resigns..He has failed as coach...." Ouch.

http://s21.postimg.org/ybymlydzb/avgstart.jpg Average positions so far - our fullbacks are basically playing as midfielders - the system is almost a 2-3-2-2-1 in open play... Krul Williamson Coloccini Debuchy Tiote Santon Cabaye Sissoko Gouffran Remy Cisse

14 shots, 10 on target that half. Geez. What kind of sorcery is this?

We've been here before, but that was a wonderful half of football. Cannot complain at all. Tiote/Cabaye looking so much more in control in the middle. Definitely a better Tiote today than I remember in a while. Remy's absurd. And if Cabaye had hit that FK from 35 yards out...

Lukaku is amazing but we are a train wreck. We have created nothing and stopped nothing. Don't even know what the system is but it has managed to fail at everything. Could have been 5 or 6 easily.

This setup is not working. They're utterly dominating the midfield with ease. Doing all the moving Pardew seems to always talk about but never achieve. Final ball has been shocking. Edit: what the fuck was that in defence? Colo and Krul both atrocious. We are shit.

Amalfitano and Sessegnon were superb. West Brom more or less dominated the second half - only Nani and Januzaj looked threatening at all for Man Utd, but they were a shadow of what you'd expect, even when van Persie was on the pitch. They have a real problem. Both Manchesters have issues in central defence - Rio and Nastasic were horrendous and cost their teams goals. They each do look more vulnerable at the back than I can remember in several seasons. Hilarious to watch their supporters now.