"Well, we was tired and it really was a game of eight fourteenth's. With the Christmas post and bank holidays, it meant that HatAM couldn't get his wand back from Hogwarts in time so he couldn't do a magic. I tried to play a strong team today and I think that's reflected in the fact I started Papiss, whose confidence looks completely shot to bits. Rob Elliot over-indulged in mince pies which meant he was really unlucky with the goals and Steven Taylor is tired after spending his time in bars acting like a dickhead. We just didn't get the rub of the turquoise today."