Ash

I honestly don't have a clue what that means.

Fucking knew it! Lying wankers. Game on again now...

Without getting my own or anybody elses hopes up again, Dassier did say on Monday that more would be revealed in the next 48 hours. Now that it looks like they're bringing in two strikers, it means it clears the way for Ben Arfa to leave. I reckon things will finally start moving along with this now.

There has been one game of the season and still two weeks left of the transfer window.

Fuck knows what to think anymore.

My 'Future Game' book arrived this morning. Just had a quick look through and it does seem quite impressive. Think it will be a brilliant tool to have and will come in very handy.

Ben Arfa, whoah, Ben Arfa, whoah, We signed him from Marseille, 'Cos Dassier's a gay.

Tottenham: Gomes, Corluka, Dawson, Bassong, Assou-Ekotto, Giovani, Palacios, Modric, Bale, Pavlyuchenko, Defoe. Subs: Cudicini, Kaboul, Huddlestone, Lennon, Keane, Crouch, Kranjcar. Yeah, utterly shit line-up. My heart bleeds for you.

Shouldn't even be a fall-back option, just sign them both. Zarate and Ben Arfa. Yep, what's the problem? I think the fact I might just die from continuous ejaculation on a match day

If Scholes carries on playing like he is, Darron Gibson isn't likely to get a look in this season. We should definitely be making enquiries about getting him in on loan.

Shouldn't even be a fall-back option, just sign them both. Zarate and Ben Arfa. Yep, what's the problem?

Shouldn't even be a fall-back option, just sign them both.

Setting off now. HOWAY THE LADS!

No José?

No 'keeper, I like it. You might be onto something there - get on the phone to Wenger!

I'm dreading being anywhere near there. Right in the middle, please.

Pretty sure Dassier could stop being a prick and make the call himself.

This kid is class, love him already. I worry that if he does sign, there'll be an interview appearing in the French press along the lines of "Hughton said he had lots of belief in me and was supposed to be the leader but this fat guy called Kevin keeps telling me he's the boss instead. I tell him to lay off the Burger King and next thing I know I do not get picked!"

Phil Brown in the mix too. Imagine if it came down to those two. Joe Kinnear or Phil Brown? Kinnear or Brown?

Just put my order down, I'll let you know when I get it. Arrived this morning, wasn't expecting that to arrive so quickly. A lot bigger than I thought. Just ordered one too.

Heard he's porked up quite a bit since being put on the bench. Thin, he'd be an improvement over anyone in our midfield tbh. Porked up even more? Fuck that, he was already big enough as it was! http://www.wildsound-filmmaking-feedback-events.com/images/mike_myers_fat_bastard.jpg

Speaking of which, here's Scott Carson. Astonishing that these two mugs are capped for England. There's still Rob Green to come too.

We should ask them if they fancy a striker who's scored against Barcelona to replace him in a swap deal for Ben Arfa.

I decided to write my original team off as a bad job and take the plunge. Had a few players who I'd expect to play every week but seems they may be out of favour for some reason. Happy with this side though (for the next week anyway ).