Theregulars

Jacobean ruff. All of the Queen's emissaries get one. Your jealousy is as palpable as your facial hair is questionable.

Colin, deal with this insurgent

I'm sure the OP will help you In fact it doesn't! Seems like the kind of thing your manager should ensure; everyone being provided with proper directions. Fail - Neil. The words even look similar.

I'm sure the OP will help you

Ian and I have touched down in the North East. We saw some Reds fans weeping

Unacceptable, I'm out. f***ing huckster As if you were going to pay anyway. Touche (with accent)

Unacceptable, I'm out. Fucking huckster

Don't worry; I'll be there for you to soak up the inspiration.

Kick off is 11, so most mortals will be there some time around 10:55. The Ginger Pirlo, the epitome of professionalism, will be shuttle running from 9AM, leaving aside an hour and a half for autograph signing and interviews.

Ummm.... you attach it with this little screw-in thing, I think, but I need to check when I get home. Either way, I don't mind bringing my camera up for it, it's a good'un

I have a tripod for my DSLR? No idea if it works for a video camera

I nominate Mrs. Rance I'd suggest it's less than 5% likely she'll even come to the match, let alone film it. She really hates football. Yeh, but I'm playing, so I imagine she'll change her tune. In all seriousness though I think we at least have a few subs so someone should be able to do it with a quick crash course. It's easy tbh, subs can film, give commentary if they so choose. Whoever edits it should put some supremely naff Redknapp style commentary on it afterwards; or at least do it in the style of Alan Partridge on The Day Today

I nominate Mrs. Rance I'd suggest it's less than 5% likely she'll even come to the match, let alone film it. She really hates football. Yeh, but I'm playing, so I imagine she'll change her tune. In all seriousness though I think we at least have a few subs so someone should be able to do it with a quick crash course.

I nominate Mrs. Rance

Nah he's in Essex. I'm on the night out so I'm following your lead

Keep your trousers on

Big ol' gay that I am

Don't see why we should lend the Reds a member of the Blue crew on account of their failure to procure a positional player of such essential nature.

Shame on my family

I'm more than happy to impersonate a Red for purposes of interview.

Giant in stature and philosophy? Yoda. Giant in physical sense? Hard to see past Jabba

I can only translate languages whose use expired long ago with some fallen empire; the truly educated only bother with the utterly useless when it comes to learning different tongues. #hashtagBants #Bantero'clock #jumponmybanterwagon #ooahhericbantona #myfavouriteShakespeareplayisbanthonyandcleochatra

Im in for the carnage

Will you be wearing trousers?

I'm in for the night out, Francis Deffers