Shak

Colo.

Perch. Suppose we needed a real destroyer in there, with lightweight softies like Cabaye and Sissoko in the middle of the park you'd worry we'd be chasing shadows all day with the absolute class Villa have in CM. This is who Pardew will always be, I'm afraid. More concerned with stopping the other team playing than trying to get his own team to play. Hopefully Villa will be shit enough that it won't matter. Least he's left Shola out though, I guess.

Right, off to bed. Kick off at 6.45 am, so I'll see you gentlemen in six hours. If I wake up and he's picked Shola and Jonas there'll be war.

Ask him why he's so s****. I was planning on asking about the new recruits depending on which ones play, but you know I could throw that in there Gotta go with something different man, everyone will be on about the new recruits. As him if he reckons the Ravens offensive line will be able to protect Flacco from the 49ers front seven long enough to throw the ball deep and possibly exploit the 49ers weakness against the big play.

Ask him why he's so shite.

Krul Debuchy Taylor Colo Santon Anita Cabaye Sissoko Marveaux Jonas Cisse Is what I'm expecting us to start with. Hopefully Pards sacks up and starts Mapou but I think he'll go with Taylor. Be shocked if Gouffran starts, think he's nailed on for a 20-30 minute cameo. Hope Pardew surprises me and doesn't start Jonas, but I'm preparing for it mentally. I guess the first step is actually subbing him off at some point during his inept performances.

I don't want to speak badly of him because if there are serious personal issues going on behind the scenes that's more important than football obviously. But this rubbish with San Lorenzo is rubbing me the wrong way, I have to say. If it really was just about going home for personal reasons couldn't he just have retired? I can't imagine San Lorenzo were going to pay him a massive wage anyway, so why is playing for them such a major thing if this is all based on some sort of personal problem? I don't know the law, but if he retired could we really do anything other than hold his registration and prevent him from playing elsewhere? If he still wants to go in the summer then let him away, but only to someone who's willing to give us a good fee. If we just let him walk to San Lorenzo for nowt it'll annoy me tbh.

Aye, me neither obviously.

Aye, hard to imagine them getting overrun very often. Cabaye's no pushover either, he's a nasty little fucker out there. Think that'll end up being our first choice trio, perhaps with Anita coming in for Tiote in home games against the so-called "weaker" teams. With Debuchy and Santon as full backs if we can get the front three sorted out it could be exciting to watch.

Fuck sake, just seen this letter. Should have this sign stuck in his locker at the training ground. http://images.wikia.com/unanything/images/8/80/Don't_forget_you're_here_forever.jpg

Aye Shak posted the wordier version of what I said - get in Fucking hell, I've basically just padded out your post. Anyway, would prefer someone who can play wide of a front three but there's more than one effective formation out there. The flirting between Cabaye and Debuchy in the 4-3-1-2 would be outrageous though.

Anyway, if we were to sign this chap I wonder if it'd mean trying a sort of 4-3-1-2 system. Cisse can't play out wide and this lad doesn't seem like he could either. Krul Debuchy MYM Colo Santon Cabaye Anita Sissoko Ben Arfa Cisse Bony Something like that as our strongest eleven? Tiote in for Anita in the tougher games where we need more bite in midfield. The obvious problem that jumps out is the lack of width. Santon and Debuchy are both very offensively minded though and both have great engines so if we gave them license to play as wing backs maybe they could provide enough width to stop us becoming too narrow. Santon being right footed isn't ideal though. Cabaye and Sissoko given license to get forward either side of the holding player, Ben Arfa given license to drift. Hopefully Bony and Cisse as a duo would work better than Cisse and Ba did. How good is this chap with his back to goal? Seems like an absolute tank from his Youtube videos, if he could be more of an effective target man than Ba was maybe he and Cisse would work well together.

I'm going to give neesy the benefit of the doubt as it's 2am on a Sunday morning. As an English language teacher I find him thoroughly fascinating, I'd love to do experiments on him with my class.

I'm not too concerned about Colo. As long as he's still here I expect him to turn in good performances. If/when he goes in the summer then yeah, we need someone else in. Ideally get rid of Williamson and bring in a talented youngster to be 4th choice on top of that. I'm hoping Streete or Good could fill that role personally. That'd be great if they could, with Taylor's injury history we might need our 4th choice CB to play quite a few games though so they'd better be ready.

I'm not too concerned about Colo. As long as he's still here I expect him to turn in good performances. If/when he goes in the summer then yeah, we need someone else in. Ideally get rid of Williamson and bring in a talented youngster to be 4th choice on top of that.

Did you miss the Yanga-Mbiwa signing? No. We could still do with another one. Just like we could still do with another striker. We've got Colo and Mapou as the likely first choice pair with Taylor 3rd choice. We could do with a better 4th choice than Williamson I suppose, but CB is nowhere near as big a need as another option up front.

Nah, it's one or the other surely. It's been a strange week though... Wouldn't describe Cisse as a target man either.

Anyway, this lad would seem a more logical signing than Bony to be quite frank. Seems like he could play out wide as part of a front three while at the same time being able to play centrally should Cisse get injured. Two birds with one stone this, gives us a quality player to complete our front three while also hopefully pushing Shola down the pecking order in terms of starting games. Ben Arfa Aubameyang Cisse

Body too skinny. 2/10. WOULD NOT SIGN.

Genuinely tempted to get some heroin in and space out for the day just to see what's next.

Jesus, this useless gimp possibly on his way out forever? Class.

What in the absolute fuck is going on? Every day I wake up to find some new mad shit we're up to. Wonder what I'll get tomorrow. "Das Bild: £40m Gotze bid to be accepted" is my conservative guess.

That's a pretty high level of vitriol there. I am pretty drunk, tbf.

I actually hope he's guilty. Obviously I'd prefer if nobody has been raped, but if someone has then I do hope that it was this horrible wanker who was the offender. Be class if he ended up spending the rest of his life in abject misery.