Andy

Fucking hell, I nearly collapsed at the thought of getting £8 million for him. £12 million will send me into a fucking coma.

I can't actually believe that people are getting so worked up over this. If we can get £8-10m for a player who is nothing more than marginally above-average at premiership level, who often flatters to deceive, and who very rarely actually makes a positive impact on matches - bar the odd wonder strike - it would be a fucking great piece of business in my opinion. A player like Milner is easy to replace... Of course, if we don't replace him, then people can get a bit more worked up over it.

If you listen carefully you can actually hear a slight twinge of Northern English in his accent every now and then. Must have picked it up when he was working over here.

Pretty obvious he meant the previous 25 minutes.

It is not particularly manly to have a father who was a celibate sperm donor?

I think this is the first time I've looked forward to a game since Bobby Robson was here.

I think we've already established that the press know fuck all. Probably just copying off one another, as per usual.

How is replacing Faye with Coloccini one step forward and two steps back? More like two steps forward, one step back, as somebody else said. Slightly disappointed if he goes, because I think he's normally one of our more solid defenders; but as long as we make an effort he isn't exactly irreplaceable, and something tells me we have a replacement lined up already...

0:47... Must have thought he was in Milan for a second there.

Is he bollocks. For a minute I thought it was you who said that, then I remembered that you changed your name.

Mear quibbles such as your opinion on this topic are irrelevant. The quote loving question avoiding machine is already in full flow and he can't be stopped. Oh yes he can... My opinion on Healy, for what it's worth, is that he'd score more goals than Smith... In fact, that's not an opinion at all, it's a statistical probability. As such he'd make for a decent back-up striker.

He won't answer that until I stop rather immaturely deleting his posts, apparently.

Oh look, I made the shit posts disappear. Fuck off spoiling the only thread I can be arsed to read on here. Please.

Can we keep this complete and utter bollocks confined to the usual threads please? And by "please?" I don't really mean "please?" -- I just added that bit in to be polite.

I thought it was a message from Titus Bramble, and he thought he still played for us.

got convicted for drink driving didn't he ? And that is actually an offense punishable by death in certain industries. Not sure whether thats a serious post or not??? but if its a joke its out of order. Drink drivers have punished many innocent people with death! What? It was an obscure reference to the many characters who have been killed off in tv shows following drink driving incidents involving the actors. Keep your knickers on mate.

got convicted for drink driving didn't he ? And that is actually an offense punishable by death in certain industries.

Did Nolberto Solano not get arrested for chining his wife once?? nobody seems to hate him? It's allowed as long as you don't spit.

I never thought I would actually see a more tragic case than James. Until now. Double swoop with Senderos, actually. Who are you? Oh the irony. And yeah, great signing by the way. Coloccini is a fucking rock.

It wasn't Augustus Hill was it? Was he in a wheelchair?

He's never played DM, he plays center back or right back. He's argentinian. That means he can play in midfield as he is a cultured footballer by default. He is also a lazy cunt who doesn't like us and wishes AIDS on all of our fans.

Next person who posts that twatting "rick rolled" thing will be banned. I just lost about 800 words of cunting e-mail there.

Surely we were only half-decimated if we only had five injuries?

Whichever one makes it easiest for the cunts to "borrow" comments from our front page and use them out of context.

Always amazes me that people can actually make decent money for writing sentences of the above standard.